Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called him down. He came running down the stairs with a used condom in his mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. He put it directly in my mom's hands. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then run up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught in her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML
Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML
Today, I found the remnants of a condom in my dog’s poo. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML
Today, I went into my parents' room after spending pretty much all weekend in my their bed while they were out of town. I happened to look out the window, and on the windowsill was a puddle of cat vomit with a condom in it. FML
Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I'm sure he was bribed with dog-treats to snitch on you. I suggest you double whatever his current rate is.
Redoxx_fml 22
I ******* love animals
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Comments (130)
dawood_k 27
Typical doggystyle
Ringworm99 2
Bitches be snitchin'
crackpotL 33
Better that then a dumpster baby. Don't be a fool wrap your tool.
FucYoCouch 13
Before you spank 'er, wrap your wanker
pratikp03 22
At least you had sex.
EvilLittleMan 23
Here Spluge. Come here boy.
Godsofdracos 15
I don't see why you'd be worried your parents found out. If you were my kid I'd give you a medal for being smart enough to use em instead of knocking the girl up before you're ready.
ohishkabibble 21
Some parents are super uptight, and for all we know, OP's parents could be zealots who believe OP will go to hell for premarital sex or something. I really hope OP's parents don't get mad; they should be proud their kid is practicing safer sex.
macguy4321 14
Sounds like a great time to get your own place
nitrog100 21
Doesn't matter had sex.
cheeseygeek 12
Oh man, that's ruff
Homer1975 14
Nice dog