Today, I had my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML
Today, my colleague introduced herself and said, "I know how nerve-racking first days are!" Which is nice of her, except I've been at this company longer than she has. FML
Today, after recently quitting a terrible job which made me miserable, I went to my first work meeting at my new job. I was excited to start fresh and meet my new coworkers. Instead, I met my boyfriend's extremely jealous ex-girlfriend. She didn't look excited to see me. FML
Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML
Today, we had an impromptu meeting to get to know the new additions to the team. They asked me to introduce myself. I started a year ago. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time. I got nervous and tried to say, "Nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you!" when I should’ve just said, "It’s nice to meet you." To make things worse, it came out as, "Nice to hear you, I’ve met a lot about you." FML
Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter." I'm a guy. FML
Today, I started my first day of work. I was told to absorb everything going on and to get used to the high-paced flow of things. I've been sitting at my desk for two hours now, and the office has been empty since I've walked in. FML
Today, I finally started my first job. I also lost it, for being too "enthusiastic" and making my fellow employees look lazy. FML
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Top comments
Blanadestroyer 0
The word of the day is "legs". Let's go spread it!
effyourlizzife 0
HAHAHAHA that's beautiful
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Comments (127)
hk_fml 9
LOL that is HILARIOUS. I hope they laughed and didnt make things even more awkward xD
XantesFire 0
And then?
24788 6
lol, they had dirty thoughts the rest of the day.
rawrsaysdino 0
lol exactly why you wanna watch what you say!
rapperhermit 0
What the hell is stretching your legs anyway, and why would you want to say it?
adavis24 0
breaking the boundaries, exceeding greatly
team49 0
hahah that wouldve been a good ice breaker though... if they laughed that is
addy918 0
i would have just said Freudian slip and played it off
Dr_Pepper_fml 3
Haha, nice. And #16, you don't know what stretching is? wtf?
doll_face 0
freudian slip! aaaand #16, i completely agree. it seems strange that you would want to tell colleagues that you want to "stretch your legs" and "spread your wings". the first just sounds like a somatic nerve brain response, and the second sounds like the BS that you'd hear at a high school graduation.
ammali 0
16 and 20, have you never heard of a metaphorical phrase before? Honestly. I hate when you're nervous or not paying attention and two phrases get mixed up like that. They always seem to produce something embarrassing!