Today, I had my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML
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College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML
Today, my colleague introduced herself and said, "I know how nerve-racking first days are!" Which is nice of her, except I've been at this company longer than she has. FML
Today, after recently quitting a terrible job which made me miserable, I went to my first work meeting at my new job. I was excited to start fresh and meet my new coworkers. Instead, I met my boyfriend's extremely jealous ex-girlfriend. She didn't look excited to see me. FML
Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML
Today, we had an impromptu meeting to get to know the new additions to the team. They asked me to introduce myself. I started a year ago. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time. I got nervous and tried to say, "Nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you!" when I should’ve just said, "It’s nice to meet you." To make things worse, it came out as, "Nice to hear you, I’ve met a lot about you." FML
Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter." I'm a guy. FML
Today, I started my first day of work. I was told to absorb everything going on and to get used to the high-paced flow of things. I've been sitting at my desk for two hours now, and the office has been empty since I've walked in. FML
Today, I finally started my first job. I also lost it, for being too "enthusiastic" and making my fellow employees look lazy. FML
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Top comments
Blanadestroyer 0
The word of the day is "legs". Let's go spread it!
effyourlizzife 0
HAHAHAHA that's beautiful
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Comments (127)
RPGod 0
Freudian slip, perhaps?
freddie_fml 0
Ahahahaha, I love this one.
maedoc 0
well that's just how you make it to the top of the corporate ladder! keep up the good work!
poolshark 0
OP: See Arrested Development episode "Family Ties"; it's full of possible career moves. Nellie: Well, I was buried in loan debt from business school, so I started whoring myself out... We’re gonna have to set up some ground rules first, ok? No (bleep bleep bleep) or (bleep). And no (bleep) unless you’re wearing a (bleep) or you (bleep bleep). If this winds up on the Web, I will (bleep) you in the (bleep). Ted: Our computers don’t even work on the internet.
FML_N_ATL 0
AHAHA... I just busted ot laughing at work... this is great...
bluejean0991 0
LOL, this is definitely an FML. :) ... Love it. I laughed
jasharora_123 0
HaHaHa, keep spreading your leg. there is no meter attached so no one will know your spreading score
koeda 0
and say "I'm spreading my hole too!"
CaseyBaby413 0
That is SO funny!
jonnymohio 2
I see a promotion in your future.