Today, I had my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML
Today, my colleague introduced herself and said, "I know how nerve-racking first days are!" Which is nice of her, except I've been at this company longer than she has. FML
Today, after recently quitting a terrible job which made me miserable, I went to my first work meeting at my new job. I was excited to start fresh and meet my new coworkers. Instead, I met my boyfriend's extremely jealous ex-girlfriend. She didn't look excited to see me. FML
Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML
Today, we had an impromptu meeting to get to know the new additions to the team. They asked me to introduce myself. I started a year ago. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time. I got nervous and tried to say, "Nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you!" when I should’ve just said, "It’s nice to meet you." To make things worse, it came out as, "Nice to hear you, I’ve met a lot about you." FML
Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter." I'm a guy. FML
Today, I started my first day of work. I was told to absorb everything going on and to get used to the high-paced flow of things. I've been sitting at my desk for two hours now, and the office has been empty since I've walked in. FML
Today, I finally started my first job. I also lost it, for being too "enthusiastic" and making my fellow employees look lazy. FML
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Top comments
Blanadestroyer 0
The word of the day is "legs". Let's go spread it!
effyourlizzife 0
HAHAHAHA that's beautiful
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Comments (127)
wspnut 0
Today, was our first meeting with the new girl on our team. The first thing that she told us was that she was anxious to start "spreading her legs". My life rocks.
yourfacelb 0
lmao.. smooth
brkn_hearted 0
lol @ #72, but i hope you were able to correct yourself after :P otherwise i hope nothing bad happened lol
kellster 2
I have done almost exactly that!!! I feel your pain!
Eiotlrd 0
I think your unconscious is trying to tell you something. Where do you work? Are they still hiring?
waxstigmata 0
haha, its been said but i'll say it again, freudian slip, i guess thats one way to get...on top i know that was silly, but seriously i know how you feel, i also tend to be the one to put my foot in my mouth, so to speak
ryan1592 0
LOOOOL i love when people mix up their words.. hilarious outcomes.. like this one!
x_xfmylife 0
fun time :D
tentenjen 0
:P this reminds me of the time my mom tried to say "sitting shiva" annd ended up saying "shitta"
Sakeyaki 0
Freudian slip!