Today, I had my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML
Today, my colleague introduced herself and said, "I know how nerve-racking first days are!" Which is nice of her, except I've been at this company longer than she has. FML
Today, after recently quitting a terrible job which made me miserable, I went to my first work meeting at my new job. I was excited to start fresh and meet my new coworkers. Instead, I met my boyfriend's extremely jealous ex-girlfriend. She didn't look excited to see me. FML
Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML
Today, we had an impromptu meeting to get to know the new additions to the team. They asked me to introduce myself. I started a year ago. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time. I got nervous and tried to say, "Nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you!" when I should’ve just said, "It’s nice to meet you." To make things worse, it came out as, "Nice to hear you, I’ve met a lot about you." FML
Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter." I'm a guy. FML
Today, I started my first day of work. I was told to absorb everything going on and to get used to the high-paced flow of things. I've been sitting at my desk for two hours now, and the office has been empty since I've walked in. FML
Today, I finally started my first job. I also lost it, for being too "enthusiastic" and making my fellow employees look lazy. FML
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Top comments
Blanadestroyer 0
The word of the day is "legs". Let's go spread it!
effyourlizzife 0
HAHAHAHA that's beautiful
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Comments (127)
Nakedsquirrel 5
This is why some people are not meant to be the "witty" guy or girl, and should leave the metaphorical speaking to someone else. If nothing else, though, you may find some big promotions within reach.
foreverxalwaysx 0
HAHA. I hope you were able to explain yourself.
xxnickiixx 0
lol nice one.
proxay 0
God I hate it when two separate thoughts merged together to form a sentence that either makes no sense at all or just sounds wrong on so many levels. Happens to me all the time
ohdears 0
Why would you want to say anything like that anyways?
AkeemKN 1
Your a keeper.
WolfPacMan 0
well look at this way, you could have said spreading your seed
THTB 3
LOL!
Caidoz_fml 0
This is why you don't go to work stoned
munnzx 0
HAHAHA. you got it mixed up, honey.