Today, after recently quitting a terrible job which made me miserable,... - FML

By kitkat3308 - 30/3/2015 05:06 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, after recently quitting a terrible job which made me miserable, I went to my first work meeting at my new job. I was excited to start fresh and meet my new coworkers. Instead, I met my boyfriend's extremely jealous ex-girlfriend. She didn't look excited to see me. FML

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Fear factor

This is us

Night terrors

By idiot - 28/7/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying how thankful I was that she was trusting me and not checking up on me. That night I threw a party at the house. My mom showed up to check on me because my text was "suspicious". FML

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By FrozenAnonymus - 14/7/2016 18:05 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2012 13:48 - Canada - Bolton

Today, I went for a jog. I was 5 km away from home when I had a sudden urge to poop. I didn't want to use the bushes, so I thought I could hold it in. I was wrong. FML

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By CessnaPilot - 13/12/2011 03:47 - United States

Today, I fell off a ladder while building a shelter for one of my wife's horses. I think I broke some ribs. I absolutely hate horses. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/5/2011 11:21

Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML

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By why?? - 20/4/2014 04:52 - United States - Englewood

Today, I went hiking with my family. A local had told us about the trail, saying the two mile walk would lead us to a seventy-foot waterfall. After seven miles of trekking in the sweltering sun with no food, we finally found the waterfall. It was barely ten feet tall. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2012 19:10 - United States - Clinton

Today, my boyfriend picked me up from school. It was an unusually sweet gesture from him, and I was flattered. That is, until he told me to sit my ass in the back, so his dog could ride in front with him. FML

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By delamer - 29/1/2012 16:00 - United States

Today, I found out we have new neighbors in our apartment complex that park in the stall next to our truck. Turns out their car is the same make of our truck. And it also turns out that when I unlock our truck it will set off their car alarm - every time. FML

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By cndpost - 13/11/2009 05:45 - Canada

Today, I sent my boyfriend a letter, turns out it was the wrong address. My panties are now somewhere in Canadian post. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2013 14:54 - France

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2011 02:54 - United States

Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML

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By CalledOut - 2/2/2015 06:41 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I started getting calls from gay men looking for anonymous kinky sex. It turns out that my coworker has been posting my personal information in Craigslist Personals section as a prank. My wife doesn't believe that my coworker is such an asshole. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2018 14:30 - United States - Edinburg

Today, my girlfriend and I hosted a family game night with her grandparents and her father, who was bringing his "friend" who he'd been dating for a couple of weeks. It was my mom. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/3/2020 23:00

Working in retail sucks

Today, a customer yelled at me because we didn't have any laptops in stock. I work at a clothing store. FML

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By littlemisstiny - 29/8/2009 08:48 - Ireland

Today, I swapped seats with someone on a ferry so she could sit next to her friend. Minutes later, a child sitting behind me threw up on my head, while the girl I had swapped with and her friend laughed hysterically as I attempted to wipe the puke from my hair. FML

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By KatieElizabeth - 27/10/2013 04:57 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at work, I had a customer accuse me of taking the giftcard I had issued her for her return, after spending 15 minutes trying to fix her screwed up transaction. She began to yell, and follow me around the store. Security had to intervene and I had to be locked in an office until she left. FML

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By chickfilady - 29/7/2016 03:10

Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breathe again I was so embarrassed I said the first thing that popped into my head, which was, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to swallow." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2012 04:44 - United States

Today, I yet again heard a friend say "YOLO" as if it's a word. It was so annoying that I had to restrain myself from punching him in the face and offering him the chance to suck on one of my turds, since apparently "YOLO." FML

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By letsloseweight - 13/7/2009 11:30 - Korea Republic of

Today, it started raining unexpectedly. My daughter and I didn't have an umbrella, so my daughter raised one of my big flabby arms and put it over her head to protect her from the rain. It worked. FML

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By susan - 17/11/2012 22:31 - United States - Naperville

Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2016 12:29 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my friend invited me to his boxing club for the first time. Since I'm somewhat short and scrawny-looking, he was worried that the workout would be too difficult for me. I waved him off and told him that I was tougher than I looked. Five minutes into class, I sprained my ankle. FML

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By supersmashpika - 18/7/2015 06:01 - United States - Hershey

Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML

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By thompson773 - 20/4/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I was sick on an airplane. As we were taking off, I felt like I was ready to hurl. I was sitting in the window seat and was unable to get up in time to go to the bathroom so I was forced to grab the nearest container to puke in. It was a glass of juice belonging to the woman next to me. FML

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By Anon - 18/8/2010 04:30 - United States

Today, I discovered that my name literally means "burden". This wouldn't be so bad if both my mother and father knew this when they named me. FML

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By Motorless - 8/9/2017 01:30

Today, after months of riding a bike through the rain, I finally saved up enough for a car. It was a little aged, but ran fine. That is, until a tire blew out, the engine stalled, and the battery died within one week. FML

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By anonymous - 12/3/2012 08:03 - United States

Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML

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By crazyk2468 - 26/4/2012 17:29 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I found the best cure for constipation is having my brother scare the literal shit out of me, in Walmart. FML

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By dumbass724 - 13/1/2020 14:00 - Canada - Brampton

First day at work

Today, it was my first day of work, and I was wondering why everyone was staring and laughing at me. I looked down and I realized that the fly on my jeans was open. FML

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By tramrider - 7/3/2010 16:29 - United Kingdom

Say cheese!

Today, I got on an empty tram and decided to sit at the back. A few minutes in, I heard a noise. Thinking it was the tram, I decided to ignore it. When I heard what sounded like a giggle, I looked around to see that it wasn't the tram, but it was some creepy middle-aged man taking photos of me. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2013 16:22 - United States - Union

Today, while in class, I had to sneeze. Not wanting to make a lot of noise, I held it in, only to instead let out a huge, long fart. Everyone, including the teacher, turned and stared at me intently. FML

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By st00pid - 4/3/2011 06:07 - Canada

Today, I found out that if you see a picture in your boss's office of a extremely good looking, big breasted woman kissing him on the cheek, not to comment. Because that extremely good looking, big breasted woman, just might be his daughter. FML

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By crap - 2/7/2019 00:01

Today, I was tired from an all-nighter I'd pulled because I thought I had the next four days off work. I got called in, and went because I have bills to pay. However, the amount of energy drinks I drank to stay on top of my job duties gave me such bad diarrhea, I had to go home. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2019 04:00

Today, I ran into an old friend, and she asked me how I was doing. I replied, "Still alive!" like I always do. I forgot both of her parents recently passed away. FML

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By 19collegestudentandpregant - 26/9/2014 22:07 - United States - Loretto

Today, I found out my parents are divorcing and my mom is moving out. I'm 11 weeks pregnant. Breaking the news should be fun. FML

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By mo - 19/12/2011 07:55 - United States

Today, my mother told me I looked like a hooker in my wedding dress. Thanks mommy. FML

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By rykelmb - 27/5/2016 23:40 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I dropped my father-in-law's friend off at the airport, and I got in trouble because he ended up missing his flight. He only missed it because he forgot to check in. FML

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By nicholascageonyourface - 9/6/2013 05:13 - United States - Papillion

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

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By oD_Ronan - 29/8/2013 07:39 - United States - Olympia

Today, my barber repeatedly threatened to stab me with scissors while I was getting my hair cut. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 10:41 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I have an ear infection. The pain from it radiates from my ear all the way down the left side of my face, so my doctor prescribed me something that makes half of my face numb and pretty much unusable. Tomorrow, I have to give a presentation on strokes for my med class. Go figure. FML

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By loveless - 18/2/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, my grandma called me to tell me that a couple of cute boys stopped by her house to borrow something. She told them all about me, and that I would be interested in them. My love life is so pathetic, even my grandmother is trying to hook me up. FML

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Top comments

By FkMySugar | 19

#6247643 - Monday 30 March 2015 15:21

Kill her with kindness. Bitches hate that plus then she will look like the bad guy :)

By Clevelandians | 17

#6247639 - Monday 30 March 2015 15:20

I'd have been a little more nervous if she WAS excited to see you...

Comments

By Kobi159949 | 19

#6247638 - Monday 30 March 2015 15:20

Ooooh I feel so sorry for you

By Clevelandians | 17

#6247639 - Monday 30 March 2015 15:20

I'd have been a little more nervous if she WAS excited to see you...

By Rocket___Candy | 24

#6247640 - Monday 30 March 2015 15:20

Dang OP, that's rough. Maybe you could talk to your supervisor and see about getting the two of you separated? Good luck!

By elyx_fml | 16

#6247641 - Monday 30 March 2015 15:20

Thats bad luck...probably your co-workers also have already an opinion about you...

Reply

R2Y2 | 22

#6247661 - Monday 30 March 2015 15:41

4 has a point, maybe ex was talking shit about OP to her co-workers.

By wolfstar126 | 25

#6247642 - Monday 30 March 2015 15:20

That sucks, sorry op

Reply

SeanLewis | 17

#6247652 - Monday 30 March 2015 15:34

There's already a button you can press to tell OP that it sucks. Don't waste a good spot in the comments to tell her that it sucks.

Reply

Miss_Whipped | 42

#6247706 - Monday 30 March 2015 17:16

The same could be said about your dissatisfaction with #5's choice to comment.

Reply

cadillacgal79 | 32

#6247845 - Monday 30 March 2015 19:31

Correct me if I'm wrong 23 but j believe it's called the down vote button.

Reply

SeanLewis | 17

#6248517 - Tuesday 31 March 2015 15:24

Tho just disliking the comment may not get the same message across. There are clueless people who mindlessly ask why they are being downvoted. If I hadn't replied, #5 may not have understood the reason for their downvotes.

By FkMySugar | 19

#6247643 - Monday 30 March 2015 15:21

Kill her with kindness. Bitches hate that plus then she will look like the bad guy :)

Reply

WaltzingPhanthom | 23

#6248149 - Tuesday 31 March 2015 2:10

Nope, it would make her a basic bitch.

By Markovski | 18

#6247644 - Monday 30 March 2015 15:23

Just avoid her as much as possible.

By gabechriswill | 19

#6247645 - Monday 30 March 2015 15:23

Just try and avoid her but FYL, OP. Unless it was a dishonest break-up between them because of you, then YDI.

Reply

Dovahkiin_1997 | 22

#6247974 - Monday 30 March 2015 21:58

I still wouldn't say OP deserves it if the boyfriend cheated with her, she may not necessarily have known

By acommonman | 23

#6247648 - Monday 30 March 2015 15:27

nothing motivates better than competition in the work place

By Drosophila82 | 18

#6247650 - Monday 30 March 2015 15:30

Fire vs frying pan

Reply

jat_fml | 3

#6248556 - Tuesday 31 March 2015 15:51

recipe of good movie!!!!