Today, I had my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML
Today, my colleague introduced herself and said, "I know how nerve-racking first days are!" Which is nice of her, except I've been at this company longer than she has. FML
Today, after recently quitting a terrible job which made me miserable, I went to my first work meeting at my new job. I was excited to start fresh and meet my new coworkers. Instead, I met my boyfriend's extremely jealous ex-girlfriend. She didn't look excited to see me. FML
Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML
Today, we had an impromptu meeting to get to know the new additions to the team. They asked me to introduce myself. I started a year ago. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time. I got nervous and tried to say, "Nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you!" when I should’ve just said, "It’s nice to meet you." To make things worse, it came out as, "Nice to hear you, I’ve met a lot about you." FML
Today, I met my mom's new business partner for the first time. I shook his hand, and introduced myself as "Lisa's daughter." I'm a guy. FML
Today, I started my first day of work. I was told to absorb everything going on and to get used to the high-paced flow of things. I've been sitting at my desk for two hours now, and the office has been empty since I've walked in. FML
Today, I finally started my first job. I also lost it, for being too "enthusiastic" and making my fellow employees look lazy. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Blanadestroyer 0
The word of the day is "legs". Let's go spread it!
effyourlizzife 0
HAHAHAHA that's beautiful
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (127)
LuxLisbon_fml 0
Haha, that's great! I love that you said you were 'anxious' to start spreading, too! Sounds like a similar slip-up I made in a telephone job interview, except that I was the interviewer. Between wanting to say 'Now we'll move on to the second question' and 'Now we'll move on to the next question', I ended up telling the guy we were moving on to 'the sex question'. I had to put him on hold 'till I curbed my unprofessional giggles.
rukusrazor 0
Oh, you'll be moving up the ranks very quickly. "Mistake" huh?
Kitten07 0
Lmao, that's ONE way to climb the corporate ladder...
Cormophyte 0
Finally, a YDI that's both funny yet not based on you being a loser and hating life. +1 for being a normal funny person, OP.
bonafidehustler 0
Ahhhh finally a FUNNY FML!
everyonehatesyou 0
LOL
flavoroflust 5
i feel for you....i have done something like that before....plenty of times
marcusaurelius 0
I bet you made a lot of new friends...
mattmag 0
I hope you work in ****!
Sue21 0
You'll get a promotion in no time