Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. Depressed, I changed my Facebook status to, "Hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends, including my mom, liked this. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later put on Facebook that, "Today was a great day!" FML
Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I don't like her Facebook statuses enough. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me over Facebook. Unfortunately, she "accidentally" posted it on my wall instead of sending me a message, so the whole world could see it. My mom liked her post. FML
Today, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single." I forgot to take my phone to work, and when I got back, I saw someone had replied, "What happened?" Someone else commented, "He broke his hand." My ex and a bunch of other "friends" liked it. FML
Today, when I logged onto Facebook, I discovered a friend request from my ex who broke up with me and deleted me months ago. Upon adding her, I was taken to her profile where I saw dozens of status updates talking about how much she loves her new boyfriend, who she dumped me for. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me on my Facebook wall. 27 people liked it. FML
Today, my girlfriend got into my Facebook account and changed our relationship status to single, just to see which of my friends would "like" it. After revealing to me what she did, she now says I can no longer be friends with anyone who liked it. FML
Today, I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed and I noticed my boyfriend had commented on a post. It said, "Tag the hottest girl you know". Yeah, he tagged his ex. FML
Today, my girlfriend "accidentally" set her relationship status to "single", and 20 of my friends "liked" it, including my mom. FML
Today, this girl I liked made her Facebook status "Nobody texts me anymore, message me numbers?" I commented that I texted her. She deleted it and changed it to "Nobody that I care about texts me anymore, message me numbers?" FML
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Top comments
catchyscreename 0
Oh. DAMN you totally walked into that one.
andyn 0
YDI for posting lyrics as your facebook status you ******* twat.
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Comments (233)
f_u_u_f_f 0
she was just trying to piss you off. the breakup probably sucks for her also.
joshizzle3 1
i hate facebook FMLs. YDI for not lying and said it happened in real life
Flounder 2
You can't "like" a comment of a comment, you can only like the original comment. So to add that last part to your story is deliberately misleading. Plus you sound like a whiny bitch anyway.
mozrox 0
Exactly! I was just about to say that.
Vilen1025 0
YDI for being emo.
mekeskidi_fml 0
That's a smart and hilarious reply. You should try to get back with your ex.
linksplayer 0
Now that you an Becky broke up, do you mind if I ask her out?
letitbe56 0
Your private life does not belong on facebook. YDI. Also, song lyrics as your status? What are you, 15?
brianjman14 23
Hey! I'm 15, and that's insulting! But yeah, I agree. I hate when people set lyrics as status's on Facebook.
Ub3r_Crippl3 0
YDI for being one of those emos that posts lyrics as your status. STFU with the lyrics people!
FlaminYawn 0
There's no better sound than a girl having a screaming ****** while ur poundin' her with some good ****. The kind that leaves her right leg twitchin' when ur done. But dude, there's no reason u can't give a girl an ****** with at least ur hands. I met a girl a few years ago who was 23 and had never had one, and even said her ex had a huge ****, and I told her I could give her one. She came over and I gave her one in less than 2 minutes with just my fingers, we never had sex. To this day she thanks me when she sees me cuz now she can have them. Be in tune with the moment, don't treat it as something strictly physical, put urself in her mindstate and think "what would I love right now" and do that. It's not just her body ur giving an ******, it's her mind, body and soul, treat it that way, be in the moment, focus, and u will achieve it...
Plumppotato 3
you are a god amongst men. you are a god amongst gods. you are my hero. i plead my allegiance to you. guide me in the way of finger banging. but seriously. thats kind of impressive.
Everlost 0
haha lol, your mom.