Today, I had a dream wherein a deep, sensual voice was talking sexy to me. "Yeah girl, you want this. Mmm." It wasn't the man of my dreams trying to seduce me. It was a piece of chocolate cake. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, thanks to pregnancy hormones, I had the most vivid dream of eating a caramel apple mousse cake with vanilla bean ice cream. Unfortunately, yesterday, also thanks to pregnancy hormones, I was diagnosed with diabetes. My dreams are taunting me. FML
Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was eating vast quantities of pizza, cookies, and pastries. I became so anxious about all the calories that I woke up. Even in my dreams I'm self conscious about my diet. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML
Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML
Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML
Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML
Today, I woke up and realized that the "nice dream" I'd had was just about talking to people. FML
Today, I dreamt I had a secret admirer whom I met in person. She had red hair, a plus size body and a beautiful smile. This would've been great if it weren't for the fact I was a straight woman. FML
Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
I'd rather have a piece of cake instead of a man any day. Cakes don't send unsolicited dick pics, or cheat on you.
Chris Ratliff Jr. 8
Why yes I'll take a slice.
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Comments (19)
Britt2050 8
Chocolate cake is better than guys anyway. It's always satisfying. It will never hurt you, betray you, cheat on you. It's just always there for you. Very dependable. Always attractive. Doesn't care if you're gross and disgusting. Nope, you can't beat chocolate cake. ...I may or may not (but mostly may) be typing this as I eat chocolate cake in bed at 1am. No regrets.
SaltyLurker 10
YDI for thinking you're too good for chocolate cake. Chocolate cake is too good for you, man.
PhoenixChick 26
Once you go chocolate you never go back. Vanilla cake will never satisfy you again.
ARISKomuniszt 24
Are you related to Michael Rosen, by any chance?
Diana Stecchi 6
And what did you answer to the cake?
Spladle160 3
So? Did you get a piece?