Miscellaneous: Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 91

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 1 233

14/02/2011 06:24

Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 940

You deserved it 10 049

Weird reason to leave, but OK

And today, on Dr Phil…

Great first impression

21/05/2009 06:21

Today, the three-year-old I was babysitting asked me where my boyfriend was. I told her he was at his house. I'm twenty and single. I lied to a three year old to make myself look less pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 750

You deserved it 14 135

30/09/2015 10:18

Today, I got called a "politically correct loser" by a woman at the supermarket, all because I said I didn't want to find out the gender of my baby until birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 171

You deserved it 2 106

Just a prank, bro

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 22:03

Today, I had a job interview. I was feeling upbeat and confident I was gonna get the position, until I saw that my main qualification on my resume was being a "real n**ga" and "getting bitches and hoes 24/7." My brother had changed it as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 196

22/06/2019 18:02

Today, I offered to help my mother-in-law boil noodles for some noodle soup. She loudly said, "You know how!?" I'm a chef. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 124

14/06/2016 01:03

Today, my drunk boyfriend flipped out and told me I was a total control freak, and that he couldn't handle how weird and clingy I am. All I did was ask if his phone was charged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 012

You deserved it 1 516

Superspreaders

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 05:00

Today, I had dinner with my aunt and uncle recently. Halfway through, my uncle says, “This gravy tastes weird, does it taste OK to you? Oh sorry babe, I forgot you haven’t been able to smell or taste anything lately.” Well, into quarantine I go… FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 67

25/07/2009 22:22

Today, I was getting ready for a date. I spent extra time getting ready in the shower, making sure I was all shaved. I was shaving my upper lip to make sure I didn't have a mustache. I cut my lip really badly, leaving the most noticable razor cut on my face for my date. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 997

You deserved it 27 677

14/06/2009 17:53

Today, I was accidentally tagged in a photo of a group of people by a 'friend' on Facebook. She later corrected it, apparently everyone had already seen the tag and decided that the comment box below was a great opportunity to discuss how none of them would ever be caught dead hanging out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 580

You deserved it 3 902

22/05/2018 21:08

Today, I went to my favorite restaurant with my mother. The food took a little longer than usual to arrive and my mom threw a fit, complete with kicking and screaming, in the middle of the restaurant. My mom and I are both banned for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 067

You deserved it 391

24/06/2009 19:17

Spicy

Today, I was in line at a checkout. I have quite a few facial piercings and 1/2" gauges in my ears. The very heavy cashier asks how big my gauges are and then starts telling me about how she recently got her clitoris pierced and how sometimes she has orgasms behind the register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 990

You deserved it 13 636

09/09/2009 04:13

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to ruin my innocence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 502

You deserved it 3 960

15/01/2016 17:47

Today, I got pulled off a hugely important project, all because I accidentally spelled "country" as "cuntry" in an email to our client. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 692

You deserved it 16 098

12/09/2018 13:10

Today, I left the door open while I went to the bathroom and my 11-month-old crawled in and then took off with my toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 285

You deserved it 819

15/11/2014 19:58

Today, on our second date, the unemployed guy I'm seeing tried to convince me to open a joint bank account in our name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 007

You deserved it 5 000

11/05/2009 03:28

Today, my fiancé proposed to me at the movies. The movie stopped in the middle, and my fiancé stands up, takes out a microphone and announces to the entire theatre that he loves me. Right when he went on one knee, someone shouts, "Turn the movie back on!", and throws a cup of coke at my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 425

You deserved it 16 122

24/08/2012 09:33

Today, I was taking a relaxing bath. My cat decided to sit on the ledge, which is normal for her, but today she fell in. I never knew how painful it was to be scratched down there until today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 586

You deserved it 2 803

02/12/2011 21:54

Today, my boss announced that instead of holiday bonuses being on the cards, the company is going under and we'll all be out of a job next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 606

You deserved it 2 261

02/03/2009 18:52

Today, I decided to be a good driver and not run through the yellow light. As soon as I stopped my car another came and rear-ended me. The guy told me to go in the parking lot so we can exchange information. So I drove into the parking lot, I turned my head and watched him drive away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 493

You deserved it 7 584

15/03/2012 01:06

Spicy

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 090

You deserved it 6 537

10/10/2016 12:18

Today, I realized two things: how much time I've spent waiting between lectures, and just how bad my love life is. I found out that I get incredibly jealous when somebody sits on my favourite bench in the centre of the campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 161

You deserved it 1 100

30/11/2012 07:29

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 045

You deserved it 1 859

Good one

By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 00:06

Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 206

You deserved it 4 369

28/01/2017 20:00

Today, while walking past a construction site on my way to class, a hard hat fell off a roof and hit me on the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 234

You deserved it 495

25/12/2010 06:20

Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 880

You deserved it 3 617

Classic narcissist

By Vanessa - 28/04/2021 13:59

Today, my mother-in-law had a bitch fit because I had a miscarriage and my husband and I are having a difficult time. It’s her birthday and she said I should, “stop being an attention-hogging drama queen” and that, “shit happens, get over it” She doesn’t see what's wrong with her statements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 105

20/05/2019 04:02

Today, my son bought me some Slimfast for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 704

You deserved it 281

24/01/2017 16:00

Today, I was rear-ended while heading to my appointment with my physiotherapist. This is the physiotherapist I am seeing to treat the pinched disc I got from being rear-ended 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 318

You deserved it 412

26/04/2013 22:22

Spicy

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 698

You deserved it 10 047

31/08/2009 16:45

Today, my friend got a babysitter for the kids and told me she was taking me to a party. My son told me his band was playing at a party. I will be 40 tomorrow, so I thought this would be the best surprise birthday party ever. It WAS a surprise birthday party – for a friend of ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 939

You deserved it 3 508

Once you see it…

By Anonymous - 23/10/2019 16:02

Today, it was brought to my attention that my dog has a giant anus. I'd never noticed. Now I can't stop staring at his silver dollar-sized backdoor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 311

You deserved it 278

06/11/2010 04:40

Today, at work, a woman fainted, and an extremely attractive cop came in to help. I ended up running into him an hour later. Seeing as though I'm not very shy or a nervous person, I struck up a conversation with him, thinking it must be fate. I ended up fumbling my words so much he asked if I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 096

You deserved it 7 345

15/11/2010 12:05

Today, I had to spend £200 at the dentist for fillings and repairs to my teeth. Why do I need them? Because I'm stressed about money and grind my teeth in the night because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 016

You deserved it 4 564

06/07/2017 18:30

Today, I had to comfort my wife after she found out that her boyfriend wasn't faithful to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 755

You deserved it 1 830

Rack go thwack

By Mary Anne - 03/09/2020 09:04

Today, while at work, I walked head first into the edge of a clothing rack. I was looking right at it. People saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 409

09/01/2013 07:02

Today, my dad made a voodoo doll out of a melon. This seems to happen a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 514

You deserved it 2 741

21/02/2010 17:54

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. A pretty redhead came on the screen. One of my guy friends leaned over to me and said, "Have you noticed there aren't any pretty redheads in real life?" I guess he forgot what color my hair is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 006

You deserved it 3 243

07/01/2013 15:40

Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 663

You deserved it 6 696

18/12/2011 07:44

Today, I got screamed at, threatened, cursed, and spat on by an elderly couple for "running them off the road". I was driving an ambulance, lights and sirens on, with a 4 year old in the back who couldn't breathe. They were going 20 in a 50mph zone for 2 miles straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 241

You deserved it 2 564

16/01/2011 05:07

Today, my maths teacher was giving my whole class a lecture on 'if you don't pay attention at school, you will fail.' She then pointed out out a man working on the roof and said: 'if you don't listen, you will end up like that guy.' That was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 068

You deserved it 3 289

21/01/2013 01:47

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 962

You deserved it 3 650

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Monday 14 February 2011 12:12

ahahaha this ones the best

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Monday 14 February 2011 12:17

I don't see a problem with this; it was just a dream after all.

Comments

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Monday 14 February 2011 12:11

woot

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Monday 14 February 2011 13:09

I h8 ^^ this is really FUNNY

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Monday 14 February 2011 13:40

you hate yourself? haha. this is awesome. definitley FYL

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Monday 14 February 2011 15:29

dude face it....your a fag!

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Monday 14 February 2011 15:31

dude face it....your a fag!

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Monday 14 February 2011 18:59

I wonder what Sigmund would say.

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Monday 14 February 2011 20:52

idk about Freud, but Phil would say something along the lines of "own your gender confusion!"

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Monday 14 February 2011 21:06

Wow, I started picturing it and getting Horney. then you said you were a guy. Boner kill....

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Monday 14 February 2011 21:07

I started to get horny when I started picturing this, then you said you're a guy and it shrunk. Boner kill.

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 0:31

Really? Same thing was happening to me until it said OP was a man...I instead tore a hole in my pants and lost control all over the bedroom wall.

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 5:16

Homo much???

dragonmaster3000 0

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 6:22

there's nuthin wrong.. I have had Many dreams I was a girl so nbd

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 15:52

#131 you get horny from reading this?! ure really deprived man FYL

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Thursday 17 February 2011 7:27

u r not slim shady

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Saturday 16 April 2011 5:01

think it might be sign?? lol jk... but maybe it's a memory from a past life :0

TheChampagneBoi 5

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Saturday 30 July 2011 5:04

wierd

xDefendPopPunkx 14

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Thursday 11 August 2011 0:38

Who was the groom?

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Monday 14 February 2011 12:12

ahahaha this ones the best

iSitt 0

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Monday 14 February 2011 14:18

HouseMD says op was born with ambiguous genitalia and the parents decided to make you a boy.

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Monday 14 February 2011 17:13

#53 I just seen that episode a couple days ago haha good reference

EmoLittleBish 0

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Monday 14 February 2011 22:33

lol it's a sign from the gods... maybe their trying to tell him he's going fruity........

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Saturday 19 February 2011 20:46

dreams are awesome adventures. and this one sure is the best.

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Monday 14 February 2011 12:13

that is so sad....

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 5:45

so is ur picture lol

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Friday 18 February 2011 9:15

looks like Edgar Allan poe

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 4:27

lol iv seen your pic off of epicfail :)

TheChampagneBoi 5

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Saturday 30 July 2011 5:06

nice pic

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Monday 14 February 2011 12:13

Maybe you were destined to be a girl? lol

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Monday 14 February 2011 13:19

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 4:09

cutie pie, your really cute(;

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 4:33

fml2102, you're really creepy!

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 4:44

how is that creepy USC?

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Thursday 17 February 2011 2:51

your hot jk hahaha

22cute 17

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 14:56

maybe OP was a girl in a past life

TheChampagneBoi 5

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Saturday 30 July 2011 5:10

hmm

dangermouse2990 19

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Tuesday 24 December 2013 22:24

Affectionately complimenting a total stranger can give off creeper vibes...

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Sunday 7 September 2014 22:01

I think it means he will be gay

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Monday 14 February 2011 12:15

yikes...

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Monday 14 February 2011 12:17

I don't see a problem with this; it was just a dream after all.

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 4:17

The problem is he feels like he should bother the online community with this. We have more important things to handle. Like raptors.

Nuclear_Ninja 6

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Saturday 31 December 2011 9:22

Yeah. I had a similar dream. I wasn't getting married. I was a guy I was wearing this white dress that was so comfy and I absolutely loved it. So much, in fact, that I didn't want to take it off.

The_Voytek_Bear 14

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Monday 14 February 2011 12:17

Well go to The Netherlands then ;)

blondebrunette11 4

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Wednesday 16 February 2011 3:44

...dreams r usually from previous events. don't get ur hopes up for this guy.... its a depressingly sad tragedy :( lol

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Tuesday 15 November 2011 20:18

Noooooooo we dont want !!! :p

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Monday 14 February 2011 12:17

So what you are saying is that you want to be taken up the "isle" by a guy? ;-)

smashingdiscover 0

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Monday 14 February 2011 14:00

**aisle

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Monday 14 February 2011 15:30

^ I love your picture!

syki 22

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Monday 14 February 2011 18:42

No, I'm pretty sure he meant "isle." Or at least canal...

hellogoodbye1996 6

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Monday 14 February 2011 22:48

Woot! Arizona!

Rafid 0

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 1:47

46 nice pic

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Monday 14 February 2011 12:18

It happens- it's normal.

RedPillSucks 31

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Monday 14 February 2011 14:28

No.... Not saying he needs to reassess his stereotypical gender roles or his sexuality, but I don't think this is normal.

rattusrattus 18

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Monday 14 February 2011 15:22

I've had a dream where I was a 'princess' and had to rescue my boyfriend as Rapunzel. Genders stayed the same. All that hair... so hot. Dreams are weird. It probably means you want chocolate cake or something.

Happybunny1998 0

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Monday 14 February 2011 20:51

LOL yeaa just chocolate cakee :) no worries

PreludeToADream 0

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Tuesday 15 February 2011 12:18

It is pretty normal tbh. Most people just won't admit to it.

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Monday 14 February 2011 12:20

LOL.