Miscellaneous: Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white... - FML

14/02/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, I dreamed I was getting married. I was wearing a white dress, had incredible cleavage and perfectly done makeup. Just one problem. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 940

You deserved it 10 049

Vulture

Triage

In the zone

22/08/2012 20:08 - United States

Today, I realized how much I hate my girlfriend, when I got excited as the doctor told me I should refrain from having sex for the next two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 743

You deserved it 31 269

09/02/2011 20:56 - United States

Today, I toured an art museum. Our tour guide had an obvious lisp, so I tried my best not to laugh. When she asked me a question about a sculpture, I accidentally responded "Yeth ma'am". She ended the tour right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 549

You deserved it 68 691

24/03/2016 03:02

Today, my parents and in-laws are in a bidding war for the house next door, since we are about to have a son. We're not even sure if we want them living this close. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 571

You deserved it 1 456

12/07/2016 21:35 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was at a rodeo warming up while my mom unnecessarily bragged about my training skills to a client. My horse then threw me into a gate at a full gallop, in front of everyone. That was the first time he'd ever misbehaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 242

You deserved it 964

08/08/2013 13:13 - United States - Dayton

Today, my fiancé asked for money to bail his brother out of jail, the same brother who happily spent a whole day recently trying to convince my fiancé that I've been cheating on him with my own cousin. So I said no. He shook his head in disgust and said that I'm "unbelievably spiteful". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 190

You deserved it 5 572

Life's a beach

By Derek - 28/05/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I went tanning on the beach. I found a nice spot close to shore and laid there with my towel and sunglasses. A few hours later, I awoke to waves splashing at me. My towel was soaked and my sunglasses must have washed off the shore. Damn high tide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 1 064

Awkward

By Lio - 12/11/2008 05:25 - France

Today, thinking I was being very generous, I lent my jacket to a new co-worker. I guess I should have checked my pockets before I did, I’m not sure that leaving 3 different flavors of condoms in them made a good impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 052

You deserved it 41 755

Motherly love

By Anonymous - 20/08/2020 20:00

Today, my son handed me a handful of snot he just sneezed out, then went back to playing with his Lego. I had IVF and gave up a career as a lawyer to have this little snot demon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 1 452

Ham-fisted attempt

By HamHanded - 10/03/2017 09:17

Today, my loving but absent-minded father gave me a packet of ham for my birthday, which would be pretty shit even if I hadn't been a strict vegetarian for the last 27 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 586

You deserved it 665

15/03/2014 19:34 - United States - Newport News

Today, I was feeling really down and insecure after a friend joked about how small my boobs are. When my grandma got me to tell her what happened, she reassured me that all the girls in our family were late bloomers. I said "Really?" and she replied, "Oh no dear. Quite the opposite." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 052

You deserved it 4 003

06/07/2013 16:13 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, I poured my heart out to my now ex-girlfriend over the recent passing away of my grandmother. Her eyes glazed over multiple times, and when I said that I don't know how to cope with everything, her advice was simply, "Shotgun. Mouth. Blam." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 202

You deserved it 5 164

14/08/2014 03:02 - New Zealand

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 463

You deserved it 3 201

21/06/2012 18:19 - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for dinner. The first words out of my dad's mouth were apparently, "Ah, you must be Dan's slam-piece." I was in the living room and didn't quite catch it all, but I said, "She certainly is!" Now I'm single, and all my friends think I'm a bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 754

You deserved it 11 512

Mom of the year

By lana - 28/09/2021 21:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was feeling suicidal and needed to talk to someone about it, so I called up the only person in the world who cares about me: my mom. Or so I thought. Her immediate response was, “You should go ahead and end it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 390

You deserved it 97

29/05/2014 14:14 - United States

Today, as I was using the public restroom in the mall, someone decided to slam the stall door next to mine. This resulted in my stall door opening while I was still on the toilet. The door was too far for me to reach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 913

You deserved it 4 709

08/09/2009 17:30 - Russian Federation

Today, I was riding on the Moscow metro. My friend and I were joking around in English about taking a nap on the nerdy business man next to me. As we laughed and made comments about him, which we thought he couldn't understand, he asked, "First time in Moscow?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 275

You deserved it 84 739

31/10/2012 03:02 - United States - El Cajon

Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 834

You deserved it 10 549

22/12/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 011

You deserved it 11 633

Weird assumption

By Thanks Mom - 20/05/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, I asked my helicopter parent mother if I could go over to a friend's house. She said no because her parents weren't there, and if she accused me of assaulting her, I'd have no defense. We're both 16, I'm gay and she's a lesbian. My mom is well aware of these facts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 124

27/04/2013 12:42 - United States - Natick

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with my sister, due to involuntary muscle spasms she was having. They gave her a muscle relaxer which caused her to be extremely tired and loopy. She decided to start singing loudly with a song she made up about butt fucking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 828

You deserved it 5 125

03/04/2009 22:05 - United States

Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 205

You deserved it 86 323

03/04/2019 02:00

Today, I finally got to see my favorite aunt after months of her living far away with her new boyfriend. She now believes the Earth is flat, gravity is fake, the government is run by reptiles, and that vaccines are the devil themselves. She won't stop trying to convince me of her conspiracies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 404

You deserved it 148

16/08/2019 01:02 - Pakistan - Multan

Today, I was late for a meeting. The meeting hall door was made of glass, and it said pull, but in my rush, I pushed the door so hard that it shattered into small pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 753

13/07/2014 21:14 - Netherlands

Spicy

Today, I saw a drunk woman drop her purse in the street. I picked it up and went to give it to her, only for her to scream at me for being a thief. Then she started crying, apologized and hugged me, then got angry again, and finally threw up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 617

You deserved it 4 312

05/03/2010 13:06 - Canada

Today, I told my boyfriend I love him. His response? "Is that why you have been so clingy and annoying lately?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 590

You deserved it 5 254

18/09/2017 16:00

Today, I found out the works council won't let the company offer me the job for which I was the only applicant because the council requires 3 years experience with the company. I've only been here for 2 years, 10 months, and 26 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 776

You deserved it 208

16/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of four months broke up with me via text message. He spelled my name wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 414

You deserved it 4 063

19/10/2014 04:11 - United States

Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 598

You deserved it 6 543

Unhealthy

By Homeless - 14/06/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, my now ex-boyfriend was kind enough to let me live on the couch because I have nowhere to go. I have to see the homewrecker he cheated on me with everyday, and hear them have blood curdling sex every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 334

20/11/2012 01:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 552

You deserved it 2 322

20/07/2009 07:13 - Australia

Today, I met with an important client to talk about his stake in the company. The guy was at least 80 years old. After taking care of business we spoke about my final year at the company. As he got up to leave he said "Good luck in your final year". Without thinking, I replied "You too". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 286

You deserved it 15 301

22/07/2016 19:29 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had to stop at Starbucks to get my boss a drink. His son, who is at least 30 minutes late to work every day, was just walking in as I was walking out with all of my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 799

You deserved it 1 092

17/04/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 894

You deserved it 23 233

09/03/2015 07:52

Today, I got the earlier bus to avoid my ex after a painful breakup. He had the same idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 585

You deserved it 4 024

16/12/2012 17:26 - Canada - Uxbridge

Today, I'm insanely hungover from a long night of drinking. I'm going to my nephew's baptism in an hour as his godmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 181

You deserved it 55 194

10/12/2016 22:50 - United States - Houston

Today, I babysat my little cousin. He thought that a glue stick would have the same effect as chapstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 726

You deserved it 732

Shut your pie hole, please

By An unemployed doorman - 14/02/2021 20:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I have to listen to my flatmate complaining that ladies don’t shag him anymore since his dad, in Saudi Arabia, cut him off. Apparently, they show a lot of interest until he reveals his financial situation. The dude actually thought he was God's gift to women instead of a mobile ATM. What a tool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 106

06/08/2015 19:37 - Canada

Spicy

Today, after ranting to my best friend about how all our friends are having kids and how teenage pregnancy will ruin their lives, she announced to me that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 600

You deserved it 7 304

15/01/2010 07:24 - United States

Today, my father yelled at me for changing 1 of his 2 programable seat positions in his car because he uses both. Apparently, 1 is for sober driving and 2 is for high/drunk driving. Go dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 394

You deserved it 3 631

26/01/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I bought a mini tracking device to attach to my wallet to keep me from losing it. Unfortunately, before I could put batteries in the tracking device, I lost it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 844

You deserved it 9 323

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 12:12

ahahaha this ones the best

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 12:17

I don't see a problem with this; it was just a dream after all.

Comments

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 12:11

woot

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 13:09

I h8 ^^ this is really FUNNY

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 13:40

you hate yourself? haha. this is awesome. definitley FYL

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 15:29

dude face it....your a fag!

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 15:31

dude face it....your a fag!

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 18:59

I wonder what Sigmund would say.

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 20:52

idk about Freud, but Phil would say something along the lines of "own your gender confusion!"

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 21:06

Wow, I started picturing it and getting Horney. then you said you were a guy. Boner kill....

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 21:07

I started to get horny when I started picturing this, then you said you're a guy and it shrunk. Boner kill.

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 February 2011 0:31

Really? Same thing was happening to me until it said OP was a man...I instead tore a hole in my pants and lost control all over the bedroom wall.

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 February 2011 5:16

Homo much???

dragonmaster3000 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 February 2011 6:22

there's nuthin wrong.. I have had Many dreams I was a girl so nbd

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 February 2011 15:52

#131 you get horny from reading this?! ure really deprived man FYL

Send a private message

Thursday 17 February 2011 7:27

u r not slim shady

Send a private message

Saturday 16 April 2011 5:01

think it might be sign?? lol jk... but maybe it's a memory from a past life :0

TheChampagneBoi 5

Send a private message

Saturday 30 July 2011 5:04

wierd

xDefendPopPunkx 14

Send a private message

Thursday 11 August 2011 0:38

Who was the groom?

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 12:12

ahahaha this ones the best

iSitt 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 14:18

HouseMD says op was born with ambiguous genitalia and the parents decided to make you a boy.

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 17:13

#53 I just seen that episode a couple days ago haha good reference

EmoLittleBish 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 22:33

lol it's a sign from the gods... maybe their trying to tell him he's going fruity........

Send a private message

Saturday 19 February 2011 20:46

dreams are awesome adventures. and this one sure is the best.

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 12:13

that is so sad....

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 February 2011 5:45

so is ur picture lol

Send a private message

Friday 18 February 2011 9:15

looks like Edgar Allan poe

Send a private message

Tuesday 12 July 2011 4:27

lol iv seen your pic off of epicfail :)

TheChampagneBoi 5

Send a private message

Saturday 30 July 2011 5:06

nice pic

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 12:13

Maybe you were destined to be a girl? lol

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 13:19

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 February 2011 4:09

cutie pie, your really cute(;

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 February 2011 4:33

fml2102, you're really creepy!

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 February 2011 4:44

how is that creepy USC?

Send a private message

Thursday 17 February 2011 2:51

your hot jk hahaha

22cute 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 July 2011 14:56

maybe OP was a girl in a past life

TheChampagneBoi 5

Send a private message

Saturday 30 July 2011 5:10

hmm

dangermouse2990 19

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 December 2013 22:24

Affectionately complimenting a total stranger can give off creeper vibes...

Send a private message

Sunday 7 September 2014 22:01

I think it means he will be gay

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 12:15

yikes...

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 12:17

I don't see a problem with this; it was just a dream after all.

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 February 2011 4:17

The problem is he feels like he should bother the online community with this. We have more important things to handle. Like raptors.

Nuclear_Ninja 6

Send a private message

Saturday 31 December 2011 9:22

Yeah. I had a similar dream. I wasn't getting married. I was a guy I was wearing this white dress that was so comfy and I absolutely loved it. So much, in fact, that I didn't want to take it off.

The_Voytek_Bear 14

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 12:17

Well go to The Netherlands then ;)

blondebrunette11 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 16 February 2011 3:44

...dreams r usually from previous events. don't get ur hopes up for this guy.... its a depressingly sad tragedy :( lol

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 November 2011 20:18

Noooooooo we dont want !!! :p

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 12:17

So what you are saying is that you want to be taken up the "isle" by a guy? ;-)

smashingdiscover 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 14:00

**aisle

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 15:30

^ I love your picture!

syki 22

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 18:42

No, I'm pretty sure he meant "isle." Or at least canal...

hellogoodbye1996 6

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 22:48

Woot! Arizona!

Rafid 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 February 2011 1:47

46 nice pic

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 12:18

It happens- it's normal.

RedPillSucks 31

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 14:28

No.... Not saying he needs to reassess his stereotypical gender roles or his sexuality, but I don't think this is normal.

rattusrattus 18

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 15:22

I've had a dream where I was a 'princess' and had to rescue my boyfriend as Rapunzel. Genders stayed the same. All that hair... so hot. Dreams are weird. It probably means you want chocolate cake or something.

Happybunny1998 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 20:51

LOL yeaa just chocolate cakee :) no worries

PreludeToADream 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 February 2011 12:18

It is pretty normal tbh. Most people just won't admit to it.

Send a private message

Monday 14 February 2011 12:20

LOL.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 4

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 59

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 149