Love, Animals, Dogs, Dating and First Dates: Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along....

By Jimii Liu - 11/03/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Everytime I touched her, her jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 625

You deserved it 3 362

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Same thing different taste

By Addicted2FML303 - 06/12/2010 22:50 - United States

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 761

You deserved it 5 258

By anon - 19/06/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, I took my dog for a walk. It became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman runs up to me and whacks me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 238

You deserved it 2 809

By Doggotmytongue - 12/02/2013 21:50 - United States - Peoria

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 364

You deserved it 6 743

By anonamous - 12/03/2012 21:45 - United States

Today, I hugged my dog and kissed her on the side of the face. She responded by mauling me across my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 159

You deserved it 9 119

By anyonmus - 12/04/2013 00:59 - United States - Westminster

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 271

You deserved it 9 701

By Anonymous - 09/02/2015 14:53 - United States - Middleton

Today, I was chased out of my own house by my wife's lover's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 918

You deserved it 3 362

By redmethod87 - 08/04/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 012

You deserved it 6 490

By chris - 09/06/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 865

You deserved it 10 779

Differences

By Alone - 21/05/2014 11:05 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally had a date, my first one in well over a year. Everything was going good, until my date asked, "Do you like cats or dogs better?" When I responded cats, my date promptly got up and left, saying, "This isn't meant to be." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 400

You deserved it 12 887

By mykhael - 21/08/2013 18:58 - United States - Opelousas

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 107

You deserved it 7 462

MsMeiriona 2

Sunday 11 March 2012 9:49

Better than a rape whistle.

miz_kamakazi 11

Sunday 11 March 2012 9:50

Bring treats next time to distract him.

Comments

pappuyarr 1

Monday 12 March 2012 0:08

What you think she brought the dog for? To keep other dog bzy....... Hahahaha

br0ccoli 14

Monday 12 March 2012 1:26

Yeah.. I wouldn't try sex anytime soon, OP. He'll take a bite out of your man bits.

artmastr 0

Monday 12 March 2012 4:29

I think that's the whole reason she brought the dog along?

laurenmacias 0

Monday 12 March 2012 6:21

Stuff happens

laurenmacias 0

Monday 12 March 2012 6:23

You should've started humping her

SeemsToFail 0

Monday 12 March 2012 6:37

This sounds like ut would be on diaster date

XxDancerGirlxX 17

Monday 12 March 2012 7:20

My dachshund is the same way. He thinks he's a ferocious little bastard with his squeaky bark (; FYL OP, she should have asked before bringing her dog. Exactly why would someone bring their dog in a date anyway?!

ice_bck_420 0

Monday 12 March 2012 8:02

Maybe the dog should "runaway" ;)

rawwwrrrsheet 0

Monday 12 March 2012 8:42

Not jealous just protecting her

PieterseMJ 20

Monday 12 March 2012 12:26

who takes a dog on a date... unless you go to the dog park for your date...

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Today, my crush let me know that he has a prom date. Obviously I'm supportive because I just want him to be happy, even if it's not me. I casually let him know that I'm going with someone else too, and now he's really mad about it. If he'd asked me before, I would've said yes. Like… Hello? How dare I get a prom date! FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 88

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 380

You deserved it 4 153

The Top

Today, at midnight, I heard my son calling for his mom. I stopped by his room and asked him what was wrong? He didn't tell me. Instead, he said: "Oh, I don't need you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 864

You deserved it 213

Today, I was driving home, it was 80 degrees out. Making a rare attempt to be eco-friendly, I turned off the A/C and lowered the windows. A bee then flew in through the window, hit my cheek, and stung me. That's what I get for attempting to be eco-friendly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 050

You deserved it 11 318

Today, I'm going to be helping the love of my life pick out an engagement ring for my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 334

You deserved it 4 129

Today, I prepared a detailed plan to organise my life, colour-coded and beautifully illustrated. I was so engrossed in designing the perfect plan that I forgot to actually do any of it and ended up with a highly organised non-starter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 150

You deserved it 404

Today, my boyfriend and I had the wildest sex we'd ever had. I was on top of him and started going at it like crazy. I was close to finishing when the Mortal Kombat phrase "FINISH HIM!" popped into my head. It wasn't until I saw a weird look on his face that I realized I'd said it out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 270

You deserved it 867

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 662

You deserved it 9 961

Same thing different taste

Differences

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