By Doggotmytongue - United States - Peoria Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML I agree, your life sucks 31278 You deserved it 6714 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By leaf hater - United States Today, my elderly neighbor used his snowblower to send all of the fallen leaves in his yard into mine, which I'd raked earlier that morning. FML I agree, your life sucks 26877 You deserved it 2357 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By AgentFreshers - United States Today, my mother resolved to never visit McDonald's again. Not because of ethics or health concerns, but because they charged her for extra barbecue sauce. She bitched out the man in the drive-through for a good five minutes, while I sat awkwardly in the passenger's seat. FML I agree, your life sucks 32331 You deserved it 3272 209 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom Today, my younger cousin bought his girlfriend of 3 months a bunch of flowers. The only flower I've ever got from my boyfriend of 3 years is a plastic one he found on the floor in a bar. FML I agree, your life sucks 27423 You deserved it 4440 87 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas Today, after I requested a sick day, a very close co-worker texted her boyfriend that I'm a bitch for pretending to have the same rare illness that she recently suffered. She said it was unlikely, disrespectful and unfair that I didn't even look sick. I know this because she texted me instead. FML I agree, your life sucks 27148 You deserved it 2788 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML I agree, your life sucks 23455 You deserved it 19000 229 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 9/8/2020 02:02 Great speech, thanks! Today, my biologist father had a slide show and speech prepared for my wedding. It started with, “40 years ago, there was a tree here”. I thought this would relate to me or the wedding at some point. 45 minutes later, I had to admit that it didn’t. FML I agree, your life sucks 1602 You deserved it 126 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas Today, I caught my 7 year old sister poking a dead bird with a stick, causing maggots to start coming out of the bird's sad little body. I was horrified and threw up. She won't stop mocking me for being a "sissy". FML I agree, your life sucks 19202 You deserved it 3934 51 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hugs511 - United States Today, I spent my date night babysitting. After waiting three hours later than I was supposed, the mother finally gets home at 11, too late for me to get out and have any fun. Already annoyed, I take the money as she says, "I hope this is enough, I got hungry and spent some of your money." FML I agree, your life sucks 52486 You deserved it 3133 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Rev - United States Today, I was working at Coldstone. When a customer tips us we are required to sing. A late night DJ came in, put 20 dollars in the tip cup, and asked to hear every song we had. After we sang one song he looked at me and asked me to please stop singing or he was taking his money back. FML I agree, your life sucks 63008 You deserved it 8952 77 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ouch - United Kingdom Today, I was preparing for a huge party I've been looking forward to for months. I did all the usual things a girl should do, put on a facemask, painted my nails, exfoliated... I was feeling confident until I peeled off the facemask. I guess when it said "vibrant" what it meant was bright red. FML I agree, your life sucks 26081 You deserved it 8458 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By StillBetterThanTwilight - United States - Minneapolis Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML I agree, your life sucks 24493 You deserved it 2584 187 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Just..why Today, I ran a mile for my gym class. While I managed to cut two minutes off my time, a few minutes later I felt dizzy and nauseous, which I thought was because I pushed myself too hard. I collapsed and vomited in front of everyone. Not a single person moved to help me. Not even the teacher. FML I agree, your life sucks 2290 You deserved it 184 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shrek - United States - Chattanooga Today, my mother and I were watching a movie. She got up to go to bed, and I blurted out, "Please don't leave me." Her response: "You really need a boyfriend." FML I agree, your life sucks 13339 You deserved it 2043 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username Today, at the beach, I swam pretty far out into the ocean. I ended up getting pummelled by the waves and got a painful cramp in my leg. The whole beach watched me flail and scream, while my friends rolled their eyes as they dragged me out of the water. FML I agree, your life sucks 1354 You deserved it 878 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KiwiBlam - New Zealand Today, I was racing some mates to the beach and I decided to take a short-cut by jumping over a low wall. I didn't realise the wall was to stop people falling into the stormwater drain. Which is 3 metres deep. And has razor-sharp oysters growing at the bottom. FML I agree, your life sucks 18352 You deserved it 39839 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mystery - United States - Minot Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML I agree, your life sucks 70446 You deserved it 5866 128 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By teinage - Belgium Today, some kids stole all four wheels off my car. They were nice enough to leave a note and some money though, "for the bus". FML I agree, your life sucks 37697 You deserved it 3093 132 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By jsmills92 - United States - Cranston Today, I once again walked in on my husband eating our cat's food. FML I agree, your life sucks 38338 You deserved it 4422 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Netherlands Today, a girl I met recently asked if I wanted to go jogging with her, and I excitedly agreed. A while into our run, I ran out of breath and doubled over panting, all while she kept jogging and slowly disappeared down the street. What a way to spend time together. FML I agree, your life sucks 44365 You deserved it 9174 50 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tycrist8 - United States - Lawrence Today, my family and I were driving and we passed a strip club called DB's Golden Banana. My 5-year-old sister asked what it was, so my dad said it was a place where people dance. Now my sister keeps telling people she wants to be a dancer at DB's Golden Banana. FML I agree, your life sucks 28607 You deserved it 3132 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Branski - United States Today, at a campfire, I whipped out my guitar to serenade this girl I like with a Nick Drake song. When I was done, she said it was nice, but that my singing voice sounds a bit like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show. A couple of people nearby burst out laughing in agreement. FML I agree, your life sucks 29568 You deserved it 6921 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, after 6 months abroad, I finally got home to the airport at 5 a.m. where my parents were supposed to be picking me up. I called my mother to let her know I'd landed. She picked up with a sleepy voice and asked, "Who is this?" I'm an only child and we live 2 hours away from the airport. FML I agree, your life sucks 1511 You deserved it 133 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Imgonnahaveabf - United States Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML I agree, your life sucks 32319 You deserved it 3590 157 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - 15/11/2020 05:02 - United States Don't blame me Today, I got suspended from school for smoking in the stairs. I'm grounded for a month without my phone, TV or any type of social connection. All of this would seem like a fair enough punishment if I actually smoked, but instead I just smell like my parent's second-hand smoke. FML I agree, your life sucks 1370 You deserved it 110 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By citylife - United States Today, I realized how tiny my apartment is, when I was able to vacuum from bedroom to bathroom through the living room without switching the power outlet from the one in the kitchen. I pay a fortune to live in this shoebox. FML I agree, your life sucks 46620 You deserved it 10027 119 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KBO - Australia Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML I agree, your life sucks 32998 You deserved it 43269 179 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Costa Mesa Today, while my mother was driving me to school, her coffee started to spill. So like a normal parent, she held it over my lap. FML I agree, your life sucks 30476 You deserved it 2280 97 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my sister and I were sick of living with each other, so we'd decided to go on separate holidays. I get to my hotel, then an hour later she rocks up to the very same hotel to check in. She'd booked her holiday using a magazine she'd stolen from my room, and ended up in the exact same place. FML I agree, your life sucks 1978 You deserved it 260 2 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Jammy238 - France Today, I was taking my dogs for a walk, then it started to rain, and the wind went mad. I ran for cover in the trees near a bridge, slipped and fell into a river. I was soaking wet and my boots were full of water. Then to get back out of the river, I had to use stinging nettles as hand holds. FML I agree, your life sucks 28613 You deserved it 3717 110 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By clair_brodie Today, as I was putting some dishes away, I spilled water on the floor. While walking around the dishwasher, I slipped on said water, and after going to urgent care, found out I tore my meniscus. FML I agree, your life sucks 1458 You deserved it 198 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I pulled into a parking lot and waited for a car to back out so I could take their spot. The apparently batshit insane psychopath in the other car managed to completely overlook me waving him out, and backed straight into my car. FML I agree, your life sucks 23185 You deserved it 5044 150 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By arianelagolden Today, I see our boss, visiting from USA, press the button on the coffee machine, probably thinking the cup will drop automatically. No time to explain, I grab a cup in the cupboard and put it under the now pouring coffee. Next thing I know, I'm lying on the floor, my boss's bodyguard on top of me. FML I agree, your life sucks 17683 You deserved it 1313 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By suppressinggags - United States - Kennett Today, I found out that my stepsister loves sticking random household objects in her ear in an attempt to collect ear wax. I found out when I walked in on her trying to pick all the wax out of the bristles of my toothbrush. FML I agree, your life sucks 19445 You deserved it 1226 42 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, I was walking down the street when I passed a construction site. All of the workers started making a fuss and whistling, etc. Naturally, I got very flustered. I stood still for a second and faced them. One yelled for me to move because I was in the way of a girl at a stop light. FML I agree, your life sucks 64837 You deserved it 14189 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Brittany - United States - Kerrville Today, I failed my driving test. I rammed into the parallel parking poles, ran a stop sign, and stopped at a cross intersection. My instructor called me an idiot. FML I agree, your life sucks 7264 You deserved it 56384 221 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Basingstoke Today, I was at the reading of my grandma's will. Apparently I was removed from it some time ago, and the £2,500 I would have gotten went to my cheating bitch of an ex-fiancée. It seems my grandma adored her, and never forgave me for "driving her away" from the family. FML I agree, your life sucks 52038 You deserved it 5209 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I put a magnet on my brand new car. I got rear-ended by someone who was trying to read it. FML I agree, your life sucks 3109 You deserved it 832 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kinky pinky - 2/9/2020 05:02 - United States Lowkey Today, my husband threw a fit because I dyed my hair bright magenta. Funny, I actually dyed it three days ago. He literally just noticed. Shows how much attention he pays me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1640 You deserved it 223 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ohmygoodness - United States Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing." FML I agree, your life sucks 80241 You deserved it 17198 160 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, working midnight at a coffee shop, I had a customer set down his phone on the counter to pay. Screen up. Still playing his, "Ebony Rimjob" porn. FML I agree, your life sucks 5217 You deserved it 378 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cliffibom | 15 #5366086 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 8:57 Seems like she is into beastiality so I think you would rather not go along Send a private message 138 3 Reply
By ollie179 | 21 #5366111 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:07 Please stop laughing your ass off, you're making a mess. Send a private message 91 4 Reply
By magymofucka | 9 #5366084 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 8:55 lol, why tf is this person trying to set up a date for their dog? lmaoo. Send a private message 23 59 Reply
Reply ollie179 | 21 #5366111 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:07 Please stop laughing your ass off, you're making a mess. Send a private message 91 4 Reply
Reply cBlackout | 13 #5366161 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:53 Your stupid is showing, 1. Send a private message 58 3 Reply
Reply ElementaryEdGuy | 18 #5366527 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 17:22 Gosh, 1. I just cleaned this carpet! Send a private message 28 1 Reply
By cliffibom | 15 #5366086 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 8:57 Seems like she is into beastiality so I think you would rather not go along Send a private message 138 3 Reply
Reply eksyneet | 23 #5366395 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 14:44 bestiality* Send a private message 11 29 Reply
Reply sux4u121 | 10 #5366704 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 20:28 *beastiality Send a private message 8 13 Reply
Reply Sillydeadperson | 17 #5366726 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 21:01 That's actually how it is spelled. Send a private message 15 0 Reply
By mjspoons | 6 #5366087 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 8:59 Don't let your dog go who knows what she might do to him! Send a private message 67 3 Reply
Reply pickles1994 | 18 #5366115 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:09 Or what she'll let the dog do to her. :o Send a private message 40 0 Reply
Reply etchsanity1 | 11 #5366374 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 14:16 Watch out she's got peanut butter Send a private message 23 2 Reply
By apollojon | 11 #5366089 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 8:59 Now aint that a real bitch ;) Send a private message 60 2 Reply
Reply gc327072 | 29 #5367129 - Thursday 14 February 2013 4:36 ....Somebody doin something slick! Downtoooowwnnn... Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By JR_Goes_Rawr | 11 #5366090 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:00 Did she have a dog as well? If not she takes doggy style a little too serious. Send a private message 88 4 Reply
By DinosaurTacoTime | 18 #5366091 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:00 How would the dog get to his date without you? Dognapping? Did you teach him to drive??? Or would she pick him up? Because then you'd still be there. Send a private message 18 5 Reply
By btstig | 11 #5366097 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:02 Ask if she needs a camera man? Send a private message 15 6 Reply
By karlcolt45 | 19 #5366105 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:05 I bet they stay avoid the cheap laughs and hit it missionary Send a private message 5 18 Reply
By Incredidanny | 5 #5366108 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:06 What a "bitch." Send a private message 13 13 Reply
Reply apollojon | 11 #5366131 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:20 I seem to recall seeing this comment before. Somewhere.... Send a private message 18 3 Reply
Reply Incredidanny | 5 #5366550 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 17:41 Oh, sorry. I didn't see your comment up there. It was late when I posted. Send a private message 6 2 Reply
Reply TheElBurrrito | 21 #5368691 - Friday 15 February 2013 12:20 Apollojon, your comment made my night. I'm not really sure why I laughed so hard, but I assure you I laughed a lot harder than I should have. Send a private message 0 2 Reply
By klovemachine | 24 #5366120 - Wednesday 13 February 2013 9:13 The dog must have taken OP's swag :-D lol Send a private message 0 1 Reply
Today, the guy who told me he “wasn’t looking for a relationship” started being in a relationship with another girl. I lost my virginity to him and went... I agree, your life sucks 467 You deserved it 203 6 Comments
Today, I had to create a new password for my computer. I had to do it to stop my father from watching porn on my computer. FML I agree, your life sucks 688 You deserved it 50 3 Comments