Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I complained about being bored to death on Facebook. Someone took it as a suicide threat and called the police. They showed up at my apartment and my workplace. FML
Today, I got locked in an old woman's garage for an hour when she forgot I was looking at the car for sale. When I got home, I told my mom and jokingly said, "First time I have been kidnapped!" Without hesitation she said, "Well, that makes it the third time." I had no idea. FML
Today, I was on the toilet, when my Mom thought it would be a fun idea to barge in, take a picture of me, post it on Facebook, and tag me. FML
Today, I was driving to the local market with my son. We approached a vehicle that looked just like my fiancé's. My son peered out his window and said, "Mommy, daddy's getting kidnapped!" It seems he was being 'kidnapped' by his new girlfriend. FML
Today, to give the illusion that I have friends, I wrote an outrageous status on Facebook, and then pretended it was the result of a friend hacking my page, all in the hope that it would get comments, likes, or at least some attention. Nothing happened. FML
Today, I updated my Facebook status as, "Lost all my contacts, need numbers". My mom commented, "Her phone didn't get reset, she just doesn't have any friends." Her comment got 32 likes. FML
Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML
Today, I was visiting friends in the country, and the property next to theirs has cows. Bored, I walked over to the fence and looked at a cow, who trundled over to the other side of the fence. I then saw the farmer staring at me and for some reason I said, "Just saying hi to your cow!" FML
Today, I checked my Facebook to find I had been tagged in a bunch of photos from a party I had attended last night. On each picture I had a comment from my mom saying, "You're grounded." FML
Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML
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Top comments
shrimpygymnast 9
call her a cow. thats an insult from where i am from in england
Fiskerz 0
Pretty sure it's a insult everywhere.. Go to the gym!
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Comments (233)
DocBastard 40
Last I checked, only cows can give birth to cows. So your mother basically just called herself a big ******* bitch...I mean, a cow. No, I meant big ******* bitch.
nattynatters 14
What's your pic Doc?
KeyboardWarrior 10
A broken off vibrator lodged into the anus.
Akharr01 5
Penis in anus stooopid
ohsnapitsdye 3
Damn...
Jackmangold 0
This is fake
THE_A_TEEN 28
That's what your dad said about his condom, then he had you.
biggestfan23 11
That's messed up but that's what you get for posting attention needy posts on Facebook
THE_A_TEEN 28
That's no excuse for her mum to be mommy twat.
mama8809 0
Och what a bitch
Ins_Knie 2
Is their tractor beam strong enough?
THE_A_TEEN 28
If it's strong enough for the Millenium Falcon, then it'll be strong enough for a person.
eatsleepjb 8
16 likes...well that's better than 42 people liking it when your mom comments "loser" on your profile picture! And for those that don't know, it's from a previous fml.
pm_sky 0
Your comment : quite witty of your mom!
firemedic919 0
yea mom looks like she's got a sense of humor to bad you didn't get yours from her
THE_A_TEEN 28
You're ugly as a dog's ass! Either laugh or don't. If you don't, you have no humour...
socialcookie123 0
I like how your user-name is 'LonerCow'