Today, I got on the subway with a broken leg. A kind woman stood... - FML

By a hex upon your anus, sir - 25/5/2013 16:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I got on the subway with a broken leg. A kind woman stood up and offered me her seat. Before I could sit down, a guy shoved past me and took it for himself. The woman and I pointed out my cast and crutches, and asked him to give up the seat. He responded by flipping us off. FML

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Family values

Never flip flop and drive

Mr Sensitivity

By anonymous - 12/10/2011 06:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years dumped me for a chick I shared a hospital room with for 2 months. I introduced them. FML

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By Llaurin - 24/1/2011 14:43 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband has been painting our house all weekend and plans to finish the job after work today. I decided to surprise him by completing the job myself. Painting the last window frame, I dropped the open tin of white paint, right onto our car roof. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 08:01 - Mexico

Today, I was walking with and hugging my girlfriend at the same time. I tried to be funny and touched her breast, saying "Boob" in a silly voice. In reply, she slapped me in the crotch, saying "Dick" in the same voice. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2013 07:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

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By Kryometric - 29/3/2015 06:38 - United States - Coupeville

Today, with the experience of sitting behind someone on a roller coaster, I found out pee is affected by gravity. FML

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By johncabbot25 - 23/12/2011 10:53 - Canada

Today, I had my first kiss with the woman I've been in love with for two years. Right as I kissed her, some guys drove by in a car and threw some soggy spaghetti at me, yelling, "Noob!" FML

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By what... - 15/9/2013 18:47 - United States - North Port

Today, my boss took me to one side and said, "Cross me like that ever again, and you're fired." I have no clue what he was talking about, and he denies ever having said a word to me. FML

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By Jessy - 14/10/2011 11:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was driving home when I saw my boyfriend chundering on the side of the road, into an old lady's shopping basket. FML

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By Danielle - 9/4/2011 23:00 - United States

Today, while dog sitting, the dog peed on the carpet. There was a bottle of cleaning spray on the counter so I sprayed the spot. Turns out that spray was Clorox Bleach. Now their carpet is bright orange. FML

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By LeoCor - 27/8/2018 20:30

Today, and for the past 2 weeks, I've had a massive pain in my throat. It went down for a while with antibiotics, but when it came back I had to go to the hospital for an emergency surgery. There was a 3cm abscess growing in my throat. Happy birthday to me! FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2016 01:24 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I was leaving the house to go on a date. My dad stopped me at the door and said confidently, "Tear that pussy up, son." I'm gay and my dad knows that. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2019 16:00

Today, I got to wake up to a text from my boyfriend that said, "U got competition." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/12/2009 08:39 - United States

Today, I walked into my apartment to find my boyfriend of two years screwing my lifelong best friend. I immediately burst into tears. He looked at me and told me I was being too dramatic. FML

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By Emma - 5/1/2016 03:08 - United Kingdom - Rawtenstall

Today, I had a job interview where I was asked, "Who is your best friend?" I replied truthfully, "My cat", only to then be asked what my cat would describe as my best qualities, which didn't go far beyond, "Remembering to feed him". They weren't impressed. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2016 13:45 - Maldives

Today, while using the bathroom I gave the toilet a courtesy flush, only for it to overflow and soak my pants. That would've been bad enough even if I hadn't been at work, with five hours left on my shift and no change of clothes. FML

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By hairycarrie - 28/8/2020 04:49 - United States

Splitting hairs

Today, although the I’ve always kept my pubic hair neat and trimmed, my boyfriend once again complained that I don’t shave. When I told him that shaving is uncomfortable and risks ingrown hairs, he sulked and said, “But it’ll look so much better!” He needs to lay off the porn. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 21:01 - Canada - Spruce Grove

Dick appointment

Today, I walked out halfway through a much anticipated dick appointment because it became apparent that he thought my clit was located somewhere on my upper thigh. He kept rubbing it and moaning, "Oooooh, I bet you like that, baby." No, sir, I certainly did not. FML

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By rockstarohyeah - 2/7/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I was given the best news of my life. I am cancer free and am not, at the ripe age of 23 going to bite the dust. My husband left his journal on the nightstand in our bedroom. He wrote, "I feel like a bad person, but if she dies, I don't have to get divorced." FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2020 08:00

Close enough

Today, I finished writing a 60-page essay on the history and people of Australia. Turns out it's supposed to be on Austria. It's due this morning. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2016 15:48

Today, a very attractive man asked me out on a date, and I said yes. He is tall, charming and a very good kisser. I'm sure the woman he heavily made out with after I left would agree. FML

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By could be an fml commenter - 13/4/2013 17:26 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got the chance to speak to some of the top academics in my field. I was so hungover that I couldn't remember the title of the Masters degree I've spent two years studying for, let alone make intelligent comments. I'm pretty sure the only thing I got right was my name. FML

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By handi-crap - 5/1/2010 17:28 - United States

Today, I had a promo code for a free Redbox movie. Since I knew exactly which movie I wanted, I parked in a handicapped space because it was super close and I was cold. I didn't think anyone would notice, but apparently the cop that parked beside my car did. My free movie cost me $100. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 20:46 - United States

Today, I was making a snowman with my little cousin. I was collecting snow just outside the house, when out of nowhere a snowball struck me in the back of the head and caused me to headbutt the wall. I woke up a short while later to a medic telling me I had a nasty concussion. Thanks, cousin. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, I found out that the girl I've been in love with for a long while got back together with her ex boyfriend because he had confessed his true feelings to her through a note in her locker. It was my note. FML

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By khaoslife - 18/4/2015 03:15 - United States - Louisville

Today, I had to have a cervical biopsy. The doctor said I would feel slight cramping as she scraped cells from inside the cervix. I guess by "slight cramping" she meant I would shit, throw up, and then pass out. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too. I was eating a steak. FML

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By vkryss13 - 22/6/2015 19:10 - Guam - Tamuning

Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML

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By studentdriver828 - 12/6/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, I got my drivers license suspended until I am 18 for driving without a license. Where was I driving to? My last day of Drivers Ed. The high school where I take Drivers Ed. classes at is across the street from my house. I gave up 3 years of driving to drive 100 feet. FML

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By GnatEater - 7/9/2018 15:00

Kinky.

Today, I made a horrific discovery; the months-long gnat epidemic in my spotlessly clean home has been emanating from my coffee pot. They've been procreating inside it all this time. I use it every day. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2015 21:38 - United States - Hackensack

Today, I was taking my grandma shopping, when she pointed at a pair of thongs and told me if I don’t start wearing them I won’t get a man. I've been married for 4 years, gran. Thanks for paying attention. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/8/2018 22:00

Today, I found out that being the "bull" of a cuckold relationship is not as good as it looks to be. She is pregnant and now the couple, despite earning triple figures, is suing me for child support. I'm in college. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2013 04:57 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

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By Vampire Teabag - 12/2/2015 16:25 - United States - El Paso

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I beat her once again in a trivia game. She said that I was cheating, and if I was cheating on the game, I was definitely cheating on her as well. FML

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By EffinAhole - 3/10/2010 04:27 - France

Today, to spice things up a bit my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/2/2013 00:00 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML

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By ihavepinkbackpac - 28/2/2009 19:07 - United States

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 19:40 - United States

Today, my dads cremated remains came in the mail. This is the first time, in my entire adult life, that he has visited me at my home. FML

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By What’sGoingOn - 26/3/2018 05:00

Awkward...

Today, I accidentally sent a dick pic to my coach instead of my girlfriend. He sent one back. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 10:27 - Australia - Box Hill South

Today, in thanks for my assistance, a customer recommended me a plastic surgeon who could "really help with that face." FML

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Top comments

By bandofsand | 10

#5507027 - Sunday 26 May 2013 2:59

I hope you took a swing at him with your crutch... or at least let it rest on his foot.

By MyMetalRomance | 3

#5507033 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:01

fake fall on the floor and scream in agony. cry a little and blame him for everything.

COMMENTS

By bandofsand | 10

#5507027 - Sunday 26 May 2013 2:59

I hope you took a swing at him with your crutch... or at least let it rest on his foot.

Reply

fareith | 15

#5507093 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:19

The same thing happened to me when I broke my leg, I ended up "accidentally" "falling" into the side of the chair every 30 seconds until he gave me it.

Reply

Horsempeg | 25

#5507177 - Sunday 26 May 2013 4:40

Yeah or stomp on his foot with your crutch. What an a-hole . Some peoples kids.

Reply

CrissyyyS2 | 22

#5507241 - Sunday 26 May 2013 6:05

The audacity of people... Shove that crutch into his throat.

Reply

hugozac88 | 22

#5507334 - Sunday 26 May 2013 8:22

I guess butt holes have priority seating.

Reply

CubanBitchh | 10

#5507354 - Sunday 26 May 2013 8:59

Am I the only one that read OP's username..? o.o

Reply

CrissyyyS2 | 22

#5507374 - Sunday 26 May 2013 9:43

72, just saw his username! Let me rephrase. Hex him by shoving your crutches in his anus.

Reply

Gvfell | 9

#5509921 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 4:44

Or you could just flip him off back, but if all else fails, give him a crutch to the face.

Reply

RrubiksCuber | 6

#5521873 - Wednesday 5 June 2013 13:18

You guys do realize that if op hit the guy, he (the guy) could defend himself and fight back. He would probably kick your ass too, considering he has one more working leg. People don't think things theough.

By MyMetalRomance | 3

#5507033 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:01

fake fall on the floor and scream in agony. cry a little and blame him for everything.

Reply

Shrike | 22

#5507054 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:05

It's a subway, not a football match.

Reply

Blackcatluck | 19

#5507161 - Sunday 26 May 2013 4:25

Most likely a soccer match...

Reply

xmidnightxlonerx | 12

#5507206 - Sunday 26 May 2013 5:07

39, you have to realize that this is from the UK making football the correct term. Not "American football"

Reply

RadikulRam | 16

#5507250 - Sunday 26 May 2013 6:12

#39 He didn't say American Football, now did he?

Reply

BulldogHoops | 14

#5507313 - Sunday 26 May 2013 7:40

Or a Miami Heat basketball game

Reply

rttr | 18

#5507365 - Sunday 26 May 2013 9:21

Hey! Dwayne wade only flops, like, 7 times a game

By ilovefall10 | 21

#5507037 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:01

How does OP deserve this?

Reply

ubertuber | 9

#5507049 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:04

"YDI for being careless and breaking your leg."

Reply

Ian7890 | 23

#5507070 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:09

#5 People don't always break their leg by being careless. You don't even know his story so don't assume it was his fault.

Reply

Jelbeztok | 17

#5507080 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:13

I don't think he was being serious..

Reply

lilhellian | 26

#5507085 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:14

#14 He deserved it for having weak legs. YDI for not whacking him with the crutches.

Reply

HarroIAmBob | 21

#5507576 - Sunday 26 May 2013 14:41

#14 he was being sarcastic

Reply

Sandman366 | 6

#5508025 - Sunday 26 May 2013 23:14

I thought it was obvious, YDI for having legs.

Reply

lishajoy777 | 14

#5508738 - Monday 27 May 2013 10:48

Yes!
"Darn you for not being legless... its your fault you have them anyways!"

By Potatobacon | 6

#5507046 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:03

Time to give him a cast and crutch of his own

Reply

amandam21 | 9

#5968802 - Sunday 8 June 2014 15:40

Lol

By AboveAll04 | 14

#5507051 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:04

How far do you think you can shove your crutch up his ass? I think a foot would work

Reply

SpamPam | 18

#5507352 - Sunday 26 May 2013 8:56

Adjust the notches an go as far as it will take

Reply

ZeusBeDubsteppin | 24

#5938683 - Thursday 8 May 2014 20:02

i wouldnt want my foot in there... if its the good one and gets stuck, you're screwed, other foot gets stuck? ouch :p

By Mirorbo | 26

#5507052 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:04

This seems to happen a lot on subways, I've noticed.

By Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5507053 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:05

Kind woman offering up her seat; Faith in humanity 2
Asshole stealing said seat; -2
Add flipping you off; -4.
Focus on the kindness, its still worth more notice. :)

By emmingle | 24

#5507062 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:06

You should have felt free to take a seat. Assholes like that usually have no other purpose than making makeshift crippled seating arrangements.

By bReLiNg | 18

#5507064 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:06

Unfortunately this is the world we live in. Karma will get him hopefully.

By ZombieSazza | 34

#5507065 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:06

What the fuck is wrong with some people?!

Also, how the hell does the OP deserve this?

Reply

Mirailecious | 23

#5507593 - Sunday 26 May 2013 15:08

Some people accidently click on YDI. It's happened to me a couple of times when I'm on mobile.

Reply

lishajoy777 | 14

#5508742 - Monday 27 May 2013 10:53

Didn't you know he apparently deserves it for having legs..

Reply

kailarahne | 19

#5892787 - Saturday 22 March 2014 9:33

This happens to me so often that I feel that the YDI and your life sucks buttons should be very far away from each other. Yes, I accidentally YDI this post:(