Transportation: Today, I got on the subway with a broken leg. A kind woman stood... - FML

By a hex upon your anus, sir - United Kingdom

Today, I got on the subway with a broken leg. A kind woman stood up and offered me her seat. Before I could sit down, a guy shoved past me and took it for himself. The woman and I pointed out my cast and crutches, and asked him to give up the seat. He responded by flipping us off. FML

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There's no helping some people

Rock, hard place

Messed up

By Daniel_rules - United States

Today, my friend was pulled over and told to get out of the car. The officer motioned for me to get out of the car too so I reached behind me to get my shoes. He then pointed his gun at my face and frantically asked my friend if I had a gun. My friend calmly replied "No, but shoot him anyway." FML

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By I'm a pussy, yeah yeah - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML

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By Ali

Today, after drinking a half gallon of liquid laxative in preparation for a colonoscopy, I puked the half gallon of laxative. Out my nose. FML

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By radiating

Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my phone. On the bright side, someone found it. On the downside, they won't give it back. FML

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By SleepyMommy - United States - Pomona

Today, my husband was going to let me sleep in for Mother's Day. That would have been great, if my brother didn't call me at 5:30 in the morning to say Happy Mother's Day. Now I'm up like any other day. FML

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By regrettably well rested - United States - Clearfield

Today, I set 3 alarms so I wouldn't miss an early morning event I was volunteering at. After I slept through the first one, my roommate turned the other two off without waking me up because they were annoying. I missed the event. FML

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By Azure_Mist - United States

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers from my boyfriend, which is something he's never done before. Unfortunately, this was his way of apologizing for cheating on me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, I learned my dog had eaten a roll of vet wrap, which is like a long strip of bandage. I learned this when she tried to pass it in the yard today, and could only do so with my help. It seemed to never end. FML

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By justine - United States

Today, I went to see a play. I'm pregnant, so I always need to pee. At intermission, I ran to use the bathroom, but there was a really long line. I asked the woman in front of me if I could pass her. She responded, "You don't look pregnant!", and lectured me about lying while I peed my pants. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

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By Prae - United States - Dallas

Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML

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By Dani - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

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By engaged - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot". I never knew clapping was a crime. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid on myself. I had to strip naked and use the emergency shower with my boss and my hot coworker watching. The worst part was when I realized my coworker was laughing at the size of my penis. FML

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By Eres - United States

Today, my mom took away my medication. She's afraid I'll get "hooked". The medication is anti-anxiety pills. I have horrible anxiety attacks that sometimes cause me to scratch my arms until they bleed. FML

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By unknown - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me using the bathroom. After rushing out, he yelled at me through the door for not locking it. He made up the "no locking the doors inside the house" rule. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife gave me back my camera which she took on vacation to visit her parents with our 2-year old. I noticed the picture sequence had big gaps in the numbering. I ran an undelete on the card, and found 80+ pictures of her naked with another guy in her mom's bedroom. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I went into work with the mentality that all of my ass-busting work was going to result in me finally being promoted to manager. We had a site meeting. The entire building is being laid off because Apple cut our contract. Yay, I'm out of a job. I hate Apple. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wichita Falls

Today, my professor told everyone that he thinks all med students should be required to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

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By Iwtumn - Austria - Deutschlandsberg

Today, a guy asked me for my number. Now I deeply regret giving it to him, because he won't stop sending me Bible quotes and pictures of Jesus. FML

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By eakthegeek - United States

Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was at a fraternity party, and one of the hosts said over the loudspeaker "turn to the person next to you and picture them naked, then drink a beer if the mental image disturbs you". I turned, only to be face-to-face with my ex-boyfriend. He drank two beers. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I saw some friends' cars at a friend's house, but thought nothing about it. Then I found pictures on Facebook of the pool party they had as a going away party for my friend who is leaving the country for three months. I had no idea my friend was leaving and I was the only one not invited. FML

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By ouch - United States - Stockton

Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML

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By charliemann_ - United States

Today, a woman came into the gas station where I work, yelling because her credit card wouldn't read at the pump. I politely told her that I could set the pump up for a set amount, and she could swipe the card at the register. Her response: "You need Jesus." FML

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By ken

Today, I took my girlfriend to a festival. The very first thing we saw when we got there was a guy being wheeled away by paramedics. She freaked out and demanded we leave. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I received my new cell phone and activated my account. As part of the package, I get to choose five numbers that I can call without using any minutes. I could still only think of three numbers I call regularly: my parent's house, my mom's cell and my ex's cell. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 16:58 - United States - Mechanicsburg

Contact tracing

Today, I woke up to a text from my girlfriend telling me to call when I wake up. Turns out she had one of her friends over who tested positive for Covid and I was just at her house, so now I’m forced to quarantine. FML

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By he is going to hell - Australia - Forestville

Today, I found out my little brother is a highly committed Nazi. He goes to meetings and everything, my parents think it's great he is "getting out and developing a social life." FML

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By Peppermint - New Zealand

Today, I put signs up in the lifts at work with my name and desk phone number as the contact in case the lifts break down. I work in IT so there are hundreds of men in the building. Someone has already drawn a very wonky heart next to my name. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I had a gymnastics meet. I thought I was done with my period, but when I was up on the beam warming up my routine, one of my coaches called me down and told me that I apparently wasn't. My coach goes around asking my teammates moms if they had any pads. My dad caught this all on tape. FML

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By anonymous

Today, while I was walking along the sidewalk, someone passed by and said, "Tuck that nose in." FML

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By ishweta56 - United States

Today, me and my friend are sitting here on fmylife.com while our boyfriends are out clubbing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went through the car wash my boyfriend works at. When I pulled in, I explained I was Greg's girlfriend and cutely asked if I could get a free car wash. His co-worker looked at me confused and said "Greg said he didn't have a girlfriend", then he looked at me and said "Now I know why". FML

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By unzucht - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my wife and I convened our families for a joint dinner, followed by me breaking the news that my wife is pregnant. My father visibly scoffed, and my grandfather spent the rest of the evening muttering to him about how "breeders should be shot". Wonderful. FML

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By someboody - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I discovered that my mom bought roll on stick glue that looks quite a bit like deodorant. It was early in the morning and I was groggy. Long story short, I had to cut every one of my pit hairs. FML

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By Robyn_mori - Canada

The difference

Today, I was shopping for socks and I went to look in the men's section. Dad said: "You don't want those, they are for men." I asked what the difference was? He looked around, and then leaned in and whispered: "Men have a penis!" FML

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By megan - United States - Lutz

Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML

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By Scooter

Today, I replaced the battery in a closet’s electronic keypad door lock, and I accidentally locked myself inside. My family was traveling, so I had to call a neighbor. He got me out, but took pictures and posted to social media. FML

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Top comments

By bandofsand | 10

#5507027 - Sunday 26 May 2013 2:59

I hope you took a swing at him with your crutch... or at least let it rest on his foot.

By MyMetalRomance | 3

#5507033 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:01

fake fall on the floor and scream in agony. cry a little and blame him for everything.

COMMENTS

By bandofsand | 10

#5507027 - Sunday 26 May 2013 2:59

I hope you took a swing at him with your crutch... or at least let it rest on his foot.

Reply

fareith | 15

#5507093 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:19

The same thing happened to me when I broke my leg, I ended up "accidentally" "falling" into the side of the chair every 30 seconds until he gave me it.

Reply

Horsempeg | 25

#5507177 - Sunday 26 May 2013 4:40

Yeah or stomp on his foot with your crutch. What an a-hole . Some peoples kids.

Reply

CrissyyyS2 | 22

#5507241 - Sunday 26 May 2013 6:05

The audacity of people... Shove that crutch into his throat.

Reply

hugozac88 | 22

#5507334 - Sunday 26 May 2013 8:22

I guess butt holes have priority seating.

Reply

CubanBitchh | 10

#5507354 - Sunday 26 May 2013 8:59

Am I the only one that read OP's username..? o.o

Reply

CrissyyyS2 | 22

#5507374 - Sunday 26 May 2013 9:43

72, just saw his username! Let me rephrase. Hex him by shoving your crutches in his anus.

Reply

Gvfell | 9

#5509921 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 4:44

Or you could just flip him off back, but if all else fails, give him a crutch to the face.

Reply

RrubiksCuber | 6

#5521873 - Wednesday 5 June 2013 13:18

You guys do realize that if op hit the guy, he (the guy) could defend himself and fight back. He would probably kick your ass too, considering he has one more working leg. People don't think things theough.

By MyMetalRomance | 3

#5507033 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:01

fake fall on the floor and scream in agony. cry a little and blame him for everything.

Reply

Shrike | 22

#5507054 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:05

It's a subway, not a football match.

Reply

Blackcatluck | 19

#5507161 - Sunday 26 May 2013 4:25

Most likely a soccer match...

Reply

xmidnightxlonerx | 12

#5507206 - Sunday 26 May 2013 5:07

39, you have to realize that this is from the UK making football the correct term. Not "American football"

Reply

RadikulRam | 16

#5507250 - Sunday 26 May 2013 6:12

#39 He didn't say American Football, now did he?

Reply

BulldogHoops | 14

#5507313 - Sunday 26 May 2013 7:40

Or a Miami Heat basketball game

Reply

rttr | 18

#5507365 - Sunday 26 May 2013 9:21

Hey! Dwayne wade only flops, like, 7 times a game

By ilovefall10 | 21

#5507037 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:01

How does OP deserve this?

Reply

ubertuber | 9

#5507049 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:04

"YDI for being careless and breaking your leg."

Reply

Ian7890 | 23

#5507070 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:09

#5 People don't always break their leg by being careless. You don't even know his story so don't assume it was his fault.

Reply

Jelbeztok | 17

#5507080 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:13

I don't think he was being serious..

Reply

lilhellian | 26

#5507085 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:14

#14 He deserved it for having weak legs. YDI for not whacking him with the crutches.

Reply

HarroIAmBob | 21

#5507576 - Sunday 26 May 2013 14:41

#14 he was being sarcastic

Reply

Sandman366 | 6

#5508025 - Sunday 26 May 2013 23:14

I thought it was obvious, YDI for having legs.

Reply

lishajoy777 | 14

#5508738 - Monday 27 May 2013 10:48

Yes!
"Darn you for not being legless... its your fault you have them anyways!"

By Potatobacon | 6

#5507046 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:03

Time to give him a cast and crutch of his own

Reply

amandam21 | 9

#5968802 - Sunday 8 June 2014 15:40

Lol

By AboveAll04 | 14

#5507051 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:04

How far do you think you can shove your crutch up his ass? I think a foot would work

Reply

SpamPam | 18

#5507352 - Sunday 26 May 2013 8:56

Adjust the notches an go as far as it will take

Reply

ZeusBeDubsteppin | 24

#5938683 - Thursday 8 May 2014 20:02

i wouldnt want my foot in there... if its the good one and gets stuck, you're screwed, other foot gets stuck? ouch :p

By Mirorbo | 26

#5507052 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:04

This seems to happen a lot on subways, I've noticed.

By Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5507053 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:05

Kind woman offering up her seat; Faith in humanity 2
Asshole stealing said seat; -2
Add flipping you off; -4.
Focus on the kindness, its still worth more notice. :)

By emmingle | 24

#5507062 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:06

You should have felt free to take a seat. Assholes like that usually have no other purpose than making makeshift crippled seating arrangements.

By bReLiNg | 18

#5507064 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:06

Unfortunately this is the world we live in. Karma will get him hopefully.

By ZombieSazza | 34

#5507065 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:06

What the fuck is wrong with some people?!

Also, how the hell does the OP deserve this?

Reply

Mirailecious | 23

#5507593 - Sunday 26 May 2013 15:08

Some people accidently click on YDI. It's happened to me a couple of times when I'm on mobile.

Reply

lishajoy777 | 14

#5508742 - Monday 27 May 2013 10:53

Didn't you know he apparently deserves it for having legs..

Reply

kailarahne | 19

#5892787 - Saturday 22 March 2014 9:33

This happens to me so often that I feel that the YDI and your life sucks buttons should be very far away from each other. Yes, I accidentally YDI this post:(