Today, I got on the subway with a broken leg. A kind woman stood... - FML

By a hex upon your anus, sir - 25/5/2013 16:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I got on the subway with a broken leg. A kind woman stood up and offered me her seat. Before I could sit down, a guy shoved past me and took it for himself. The woman and I pointed out my cast and crutches, and asked him to give up the seat. He responded by flipping us off. FML

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White line fever

Nice neighborhood

Live dumping

By lotd - 31/7/2012 23:28 - United Kingdom - Henley On Thames

Today, as I sat down for my flight, I realised that the passenger I had to sit next to for the next seven hours was wearing a necklace made from tampon packaging. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 14:53 - United States - Pekin

Today, I was at a football game with my boyfriend. I said my hands were getting cold, hoping he'd hold them. He replied, "Uh, they make pockets for a reason..." and physically showed me how to put my hands in my pockets. FML

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By Sad nerd - 5/1/2013 17:09 - United Kingdom - Ringwood

Today, I got an offer to study at a good university. My father has been pushing me to apply for years, so I ecstatically broke the news. Instead of congratulating me, he just grunted and delivered the more important news that he's divorcing my mum. Moment ruined. FML

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By gamerguru13 - 21/4/2013 12:26 - United States - New York

Today, my grandmother tried to upstage me at my wedding by wearing an actual wedding dress because she "never had a real wedding". FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2015 16:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I folded a stack of 2,500 brochures for the new exhibit we're putting on at the museum where I work. As I was finishing up, I got an email. The dates have just been changed, so all the brochures have to be reprinted and refolded. FML

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By . - 5/8/2016 16:57 - Germany - Neuwied

Today, I had to hide some Oreos inside my bra to motivate my husband to get close to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2009 10:53 - United States

Today, my best friend, the man who I've been in love with for nine years, finally told me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Unfortunately, it was while he was using me to practice proposing to his girlfriend. FML

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By emisara93 - 23/12/2017 19:00

Today, I chipped my tooth by biting down on my toothbrush. I don't know what hurts more: the irony or the fact I have no dental insurance until January. FML

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By Criminal - 13/7/2010 23:15 - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket. I wrote a check, and on the way to deposit my fine, I got another one. I put both fines in a box down town, and I turned around to see a cop putting a parking ticket under my wind-shield wiper. FML

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By u raised him - 10/2/2018 01:30

Today, my 17-year-old son attempted to rob the bank I work at while I was off shift. FML

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By tlm84 - 28/7/2014 02:54 - United States - Fitchburg

Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man, and that my ass was grounds for discussion." FML

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By Nanny - 30/4/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. I asked her, "Do you got your bag?" And she said, "No. I have my bag. Babies say got. I'm a big girl." I am 20 years old and in the honors program in my college. I was corrected by a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2020 05:00

Captain Dumbass

Today, after my husband spent several days in his shed welding, he showed me his completed Captain America shield. It looked shit. I warned him not to throw it, but he threw it anyway, missed his target, bounced it off the garage and smashed the kitchen window, showering our kids in glass. FML

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By MagnusDeus - 7/6/2015 15:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I left a concert with my drunk mother who had spilled beer all over my shirt. I drove her home and she slept it off. Later, my mom "found" my shirt in the laundry and grounded me for drinking behind her back. She won't believe me that it was her. FML

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By ...thanks - 7/9/2013 14:17 - United States

Today, my best friend confessed to me that she's a lesbian. She quickly added, "Oh, don't worry, I don't like you. You're not attractive." FML

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By kysier - 1/3/2015 23:36 - United States - Campbellsville

Today, I was turned down from the dream job that I was promised two years ago, once my chemo and radiation therapy was finished. His excuse? He never actually expected me to survive. FML

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By raybandy - 24/1/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML

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By Alone - 6/5/2013 14:24 - United States - Chapel Hill

Today, my girlfriend found a letter I'd written to myself for moral support while we were broken up, in which I explained why we would never work out. Apparently I made a convincing argument. FML

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By undanya__four - 10/4/2015 20:19 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, my boyfriend told me he's prepared to commit to marriage, but only if I buy my own ring and tell everyone he surprised me with it. FML

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By leela - 25/5/2013 22:13 - United States

Today, a group of guys came into my restaurant, dressed up in some kind of role-playing game clothing. Apparently I pronounced one of their fake elf names wrong, because the guy complained to my manager, who then bitched me out in front of everyone for upsetting the customers. FML

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By Acidic Donut - 30/6/2013 23:48 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I hid my parents' booze since I'd always thought their shitty behavior was due to drinking too much. Turns out they're just assholes. FML

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By Tara - 1/5/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, I went tanning for 15 min at my gym. When I got out no one was there, all of the lights were off, and the alarm started going off. Turns out the people working forgot about me, locked up, and left me there. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2011 07:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

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By failure - 12/7/2012 16:08 - United States - Hector

Today, in the middle of my online midterm, my computer decided to update and closed out of the test. It can't be retaken. FML

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By shiznit - 25/10/2010 19:05 - United States

Today, I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it. FML

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By ThunderThighs - 23/7/2014 23:24 - United States - Flemington

Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/3/2013 02:16 - United States - Charlotte

Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me that my white face paint was a mess, my contacts looked cheap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML

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By izoliv - 22/11/2008 08:17 - France

Today, after a tremendously hot night with a guy I met the night before, I ask him his phone number. To which he replied: "What for?" FML

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By crazytown - 10/4/2014 15:50 - United States - Denver

Today, my psycho ex boyfriend, who I broke up with over a month ago showed up at my work yelling and crying because I didn't get him anything for his birthday. My boss now thinks I'm an asshole. FML

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By fordn4h - 13/12/2010 05:32 - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend, who is obviously still in love with me, is best friends with my mom. Now every time I come home, she is over. She even spent 4 hours helping us decorate our Christmas tree, and now she is telling my little sister about our love life. FML

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By ouchbrow - 10/8/2013 21:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to get my hair done. The hairdresser managed to catch my eyebrow piercing in his comb and almost rip it out. I now look like I have a gunshot wound on the upper right hand side of my face. I'm getting married in a matter of hours, and I still had to pay £100 for the hair cut. FML

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By Noname - 3/2/2009 23:51 - United States

Today, while surfing facebook I noticed someone in my network had recently shifted his relationship status from undeclared to "single." We've been dating exclusively for nine months. FML

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By ideserveit - 28/5/2016 22:10 - Finland

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend after a fight. I told him the reason I was so irritable is because I'm on my period. He yelped in disgust and nearly fell out of bed. Good to know I'm dating a man-child. FML

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By ILuvYouSoldiers - 26/6/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2017 18:00 - United States - Dayton

Today, I asked a very attractive girl out, then later I ended up talking with her. One of my friends comes up to us and points out that I'm beet red and, "blushing like a bitch". She notices and laughs. FML

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By ClaireBear150 - 20/9/2012 03:09 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying on one of my little black dresses and heels. He wanted to "see what the fuss was about." I would have been angry if the sight of him dressed like this hadn't turned me on more than he ever has in the 3 years we've been dating. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2011 14:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I went out with my best friend and her hot brother. Upon our exit out of the restaurant I walked right into the glass door and rebounded back off it. The whole restaurant was silent as I shamefully walked out only to trip on the curb outside. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2011 00:25 - United States

Today, while flicking my bean, I was thinking about my boyfriend who moved to California last week. Before I came, I had to stop because I started crying. FML

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By Oopsydaisy31 - 3/1/2020 03:00

Metal music

Today, my date and I were getting to know each other, and we talked about our favorite music. He's into metal. Trying to impress him, I mention I like metal too. He said his favorite band is “The Gonzorks” and I mentioned that's my favorite too. He looked at me dead and cold and said “Um, actually that band doesn't exist.” FML

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By poopybed - 1/4/2011 21:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my dog is so lazy, she doesn't even get out of my bed in the morning to poop. FML

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Top comments

By bandofsand | 10

#5507027 - Sunday 26 May 2013 2:59

I hope you took a swing at him with your crutch... or at least let it rest on his foot.

By MyMetalRomance | 3

#5507033 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:01

fake fall on the floor and scream in agony. cry a little and blame him for everything.

Comments

By bandofsand | 10

#5507027 - Sunday 26 May 2013 2:59

I hope you took a swing at him with your crutch... or at least let it rest on his foot.

Reply

fareith | 15

#5507093 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:19

The same thing happened to me when I broke my leg, I ended up "accidentally" "falling" into the side of the chair every 30 seconds until he gave me it.

Reply

Horsempeg | 25

#5507177 - Sunday 26 May 2013 4:40

Yeah or stomp on his foot with your crutch. What an a-hole . Some peoples kids.

Reply

CrissyyyS2 | 22

#5507241 - Sunday 26 May 2013 6:05

The audacity of people... Shove that crutch into his throat.

Reply

hugozac88 | 22

#5507334 - Sunday 26 May 2013 8:22

I guess butt holes have priority seating.

Reply

CubanBitchh | 10

#5507354 - Sunday 26 May 2013 8:59

Am I the only one that read OP's username..? o.o

Reply

CrissyyyS2 | 22

#5507374 - Sunday 26 May 2013 9:43

72, just saw his username! Let me rephrase. Hex him by shoving your crutches in his anus.

Reply

Gvfell | 9

#5509921 - Tuesday 28 May 2013 4:44

Or you could just flip him off back, but if all else fails, give him a crutch to the face.

Reply

RrubiksCuber | 6

#5521873 - Wednesday 5 June 2013 13:18

You guys do realize that if op hit the guy, he (the guy) could defend himself and fight back. He would probably kick your ass too, considering he has one more working leg. People don't think things theough.

By MyMetalRomance | 3

#5507033 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:01

fake fall on the floor and scream in agony. cry a little and blame him for everything.

Reply

Shrike | 22

#5507054 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:05

It's a subway, not a football match.

Reply

Blackcatluck | 19

#5507161 - Sunday 26 May 2013 4:25

Most likely a soccer match...

Reply

xmidnightxlonerx | 12

#5507206 - Sunday 26 May 2013 5:07

39, you have to realize that this is from the UK making football the correct term. Not "American football"

Reply

RadikulRam | 16

#5507250 - Sunday 26 May 2013 6:12

#39 He didn't say American Football, now did he?

Reply

BulldogHoops | 14

#5507313 - Sunday 26 May 2013 7:40

Or a Miami Heat basketball game

Reply

rttr | 18

#5507365 - Sunday 26 May 2013 9:21

Hey! Dwayne wade only flops, like, 7 times a game

By ilovefall10 | 21

#5507037 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:01

How does OP deserve this?

Reply

ubertuber | 9

#5507049 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:04

"YDI for being careless and breaking your leg."

Reply

Ian7890 | 23

#5507070 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:09

#5 People don't always break their leg by being careless. You don't even know his story so don't assume it was his fault.

Reply

Jelbeztok | 17

#5507080 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:13

I don't think he was being serious..

Reply

lilhellian | 26

#5507085 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:14

#14 He deserved it for having weak legs. YDI for not whacking him with the crutches.

Reply

HarroIAmBob | 21

#5507576 - Sunday 26 May 2013 14:41

#14 he was being sarcastic

Reply

Sandman366 | 6

#5508025 - Sunday 26 May 2013 23:14

I thought it was obvious, YDI for having legs.

Reply

lishajoy777 | 14

#5508738 - Monday 27 May 2013 10:48

Yes!
"Darn you for not being legless... its your fault you have them anyways!"

By Potatobacon | 6

#5507046 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:03

Time to give him a cast and crutch of his own

Reply

amandam21 | 9

#5968802 - Sunday 8 June 2014 15:40

Lol

By AboveAll04 | 14

#5507051 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:04

How far do you think you can shove your crutch up his ass? I think a foot would work

Reply

SpamPam | 18

#5507352 - Sunday 26 May 2013 8:56

Adjust the notches an go as far as it will take

Reply

ZeusBeDubsteppin | 24

#5938683 - Thursday 8 May 2014 20:02

i wouldnt want my foot in there... if its the good one and gets stuck, you're screwed, other foot gets stuck? ouch :p

By Mirorbo | 26

#5507052 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:04

This seems to happen a lot on subways, I've noticed.

By Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5507053 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:05

Kind woman offering up her seat; Faith in humanity 2
Asshole stealing said seat; -2
Add flipping you off; -4.
Focus on the kindness, its still worth more notice. :)

By emmingle | 24

#5507062 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:06

You should have felt free to take a seat. Assholes like that usually have no other purpose than making makeshift crippled seating arrangements.

By bReLiNg | 18

#5507064 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:06

Unfortunately this is the world we live in. Karma will get him hopefully.

By ZombieSazza | 34

#5507065 - Sunday 26 May 2013 3:06

What the fuck is wrong with some people?!

Also, how the hell does the OP deserve this?

Reply

Mirailecious | 23

#5507593 - Sunday 26 May 2013 15:08

Some people accidently click on YDI. It's happened to me a couple of times when I'm on mobile.

Reply

lishajoy777 | 14

#5508742 - Monday 27 May 2013 10:53

Didn't you know he apparently deserves it for having legs..

Reply

kailarahne | 19

#5892787 - Saturday 22 March 2014 9:33

This happens to me so often that I feel that the YDI and your life sucks buttons should be very far away from each other. Yes, I accidentally YDI this post:(