Miscellaneous: Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger,...

By Anonymous - United States - East Stroudsburg

Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger, who then broke my nose. Suddenly, I was saved by someone: A 15 year-old goth girl who promptly tackled the mugger to the ground. I'm a 21 year old man. FML

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Miscellaneous

Instadrama

Serious times

How? Why? What?

By Anonymous - United States - Oregon City

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

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By Jeremy - United States

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had to pee. I tried to get out of the aisle in a hurry so I wouldn't disturb anyone when I tripped, landing on the people in the row in front of me. FML

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By jigglepuff - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

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38645

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By Kenny - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, I noticed my laptop kept shutting down and the mouse cursor was all over the place, clicking on every folder. I dismantled the entire computer only to notice something in one of my USB drives: the receiver to a wireless mouse my colleague put there earlier to play a prank on me. 5ML

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By anon - United States

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

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By Dana - United States

Today, it was very windy and snowy and the neighborhoods garbage cans were blowing everywhere. I had already brought mine in and I saw my neighbor's being blown away. Thinking I'd be nice, I went out to pick it up. Just before I could however, the wind smashed it into me and I fell on the ice. FML

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By motherfucked - United States - Baltimore

Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML

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By TheLostCauseFML - United States - Quitman

Today, I'm so broke that I had a money nightmare. I'd accidentally purchased a single potato for exactly $22 and it was non-refundable. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into Jamba Juice like I do every day. I decided to order something different than I usually do, and was flattered when the cashier recognized me. Then he switched places with another employee, and from the back room I hear "Hey, ugly's back again." FML

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By negromancer - United States

Today, I worked up the courage to ask my crush out for coffee after work. She agreed and I confidently said "Alright, it's a date!" She replied, "Haha a date with you? I'm just going for the free coffee!" FML

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By oddbrien - United States - Baltimore

Today, while at the club, I started dancing with a girl who I had noticed throughout the night. When she turned around she firmly stated, "I'd much rather dance by myself". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

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13898

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By Distracted - United States

Panic

Today, it was my first day at a new school. I pulled into the parking lot and saw this really cute guy. I was checking him out in my rear view mirror. When I looked ahead, there was something in the road, so I swirved real hard and took down an entire wooden fence. That something was a plastic bag. FML

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By during - United States

Narcissism

Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML

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56271

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By Operation Yewtree here I come - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

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By Aaron - 12/4/2021 07:59

Second Life

Today, I finally got to experience being loved, or at least what it looks like. I paid for a fabulous wedding in a video game with a reluctant friend, who only agreed after I explained all the free costumes, pets, and other items he'd receive. FML

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603

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By Anon - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I really haven't been feeling well. Even thought I felt like complete shit, my friends dragged me out to a club. When I got there, I ran into the bathroom and started simultaneously shitting and puking. If I stopped one, the other got worse. I was stuck there for an hour and a half. FML

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By Fireguy92 - United States - Dewitt

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

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44238

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By Ladyfarquard

Today, I got charged with drink driving, without even driving my car. FML

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1438

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML

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34252

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By Anonymous - United States - Barrington

Today, I decided to try wearing eyeshadow, even though I'm not that girly. When I asked for help after several failed attempts, my sister walked in and said, "It's easy, just do what I do." She put the makeup on herself and looked amazing. She's eight. FML

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By why

Today, I was suspended for "selling drugs on campus". I was trying to give the school nurse approved medication for my severe epilepsy. I'm suspended for 3 weeks and have to go to a drug seminar. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2021 22:58 - United States - Pittsburgh

Gentle prank

Today, my little sister swapped out the hard white cheese on the meat-cheese platter with slices of white chocolate and put some Skittles into the bowl of M&M's. My limited circle of friends and family in our safe social pandemic bubble think it was me. FML

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By thnxbabe

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our six-month anniversary. And by that, I mean he brought along his obnoxious best friend, and I paid for everyone's dinner at an expensive restaurant. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/1/2021 02:01

On a scale of 1 to Annoying…

Today, I was telling my friend how much I love my 20-year-old kitchen scale, because it has this one handy function that even new ones don’t have. Later, my mom melted it on the stove and isn’t even convinced she should buy me a new one. FML

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By jibjab - Canada

Today, I have a degree in electrical engineering, my wife was doing a crossword and asked me what are the units of capacitance, I couldn't remember. FML

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By OmniVore - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a great vegan guy in my class. We went to a vegi-restaurant, I dutifully ate all the meatless dishes, but he seemed pissed about something, and other diners kept giving me angry looks. After we left, I realised I'd worn my leather jacket to the date. FML

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By Murphy

Today, I bought ingredients for one of my favorite meals and went home to take a nap. When I woke up, my sister had cooked them for everyone else in the house, who ate it all without me. I was told that I shouldn't be angry, but instead proud of my adult sister because, "She cooked!" FML

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2965

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By sampaloompy - United States

Today, I enjoy reading this site and other people's suffering just to feel better about my own life. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my mom informed me that she saw me sleepwalking last night. I didn't think much of it, until I remembered that I went to bed without any clothes on last night. FML

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By Katelyn_Louise - 1/5/2021 10:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Possession

Today, someone left their drug bag on the table in the lounge at my place, probably a friend, and probably a mistake. The next minute the cops knock on the door and force their way in. Immediately the cop spots the drug bag and cuffs me. It wasn't even my bag. FML

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424

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By Username - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I looked pretty. I said, "Aww, that's the first time you've said that to me." He replied, "Well, it's the first time you've looked pretty." FML

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52296

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By anon - United States - Arverne

Today, I got pulled over by the cops for swerving a lot while driving. I tried to explain that my dog bit the back of my neck, but as soon as I opened my door to show him the bite marks and the dog, it ran out of the car. I still can't find him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because she found a lot of red lipstick on my neck. The red lipstick was from her lipstick because she came over in the middle of the night when she was really drunk, then left. She refuses to listen to me. FML

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39136

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By Headless - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, for our anniversary, I had made a small treasure hunt for my boyfriend, tying roses with notes of poetry to lampposts across campus to lead him to where we would have a romantic dinner. He couldn't find it because people had stolen the roses, or simply ripped them to pieces and thrown them away. FML

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By elijah - United States

Today, my mom bitched me out, calling me a selfish pig and saying that the reason I don't have a girlfriend is because I'm so conceited. All of this because I started watching the latest episodes of Breaking Bad without her. FML

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24721

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2021 14:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Cabin fever

Today, the only thing more unbearable than lockdown is lockdown with sloppy roommates, who do nothing but complain about each other behind their backs to me, and also bring up past events like a broken record. FML

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By greek_dancer - United States

Today, I went to the mall and had to parallel park. It took me 10 to 12 minutes of maneuvering before I got into the slot. When I turned off the car and got out, there were 8 people laughing hysterically and clapping for me. FML

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Top comments

By ShleeG | 23

#6591327 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:29

Maybe start taking some self defence classes. Although you shouldn't feel bad being saved by a 15 year old. Kickass people come in all shapes and sizes

By Tripartita | 44

#6591328 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:31

Nice, an early draft of the Deadpool screenplay got published as an FML! Man, Negasonic Teenage Warhead was an awesome character.

COMMENTS

By OptimusSlime | 23

#6591326 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:29

She did have the element of surprise, to be fair

By ShleeG | 23

#6591327 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:29

Maybe start taking some self defence classes. Although you shouldn't feel bad being saved by a 15 year old. Kickass people come in all shapes and sizes

shabadabba | 14

#6591409 - Thursday 28 April 2016 17:45

And apparently different ages

By Tripartita | 44

#6591328 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:31

Nice, an early draft of the Deadpool screenplay got published as an FML! Man, Negasonic Teenage Warhead was an awesome character.

arano | 29

#6591332 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:33

Just because it's a similar situation doesn't mean it's not real.

Tripartita | 44

#6591343 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:44

What? I was just making a joke, not actually questioning the authenticity of the FML. The situations aren't even that similar.

dafakeslimshady | 12

#6591771 - Thursday 28 April 2016 23:42

take my like. I tip my hat hat to you

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#6591844 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:00

That was my first thought too, that movie was priceless.

00whyalwaysme00 | 4

#6599527 - Saturday 7 May 2016 17:57

Best answer EVER! DEADPOOL❤️

By HoboMeth | 32

#6591331 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:32

Brave girl

By DeadxManxWalking | 27

#6591335 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:35

did you thank her?

By hilamonster06 | 21

#6591344 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:44

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

hellobobismyname | 24

#6591482 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:52

Not all men are good in hand to hand combat. It doesn't make them any less of a man. Jeez..

deathrise007 | 22

#6591508 - Thursday 28 April 2016 19:21

You are brainwashed with the philosophy of, "You're only a man if you can win a fight."

hacksaw246 | 24

#6591611 - Thursday 28 April 2016 20:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Mathalamus | 24

#6591719 - Thursday 28 April 2016 22:34

Oh, and you can fight off a mugger no problem? Most males, manly or not, will have issues doing that.

TheMathMajor | 26

#6591723 - Thursday 28 April 2016 22:38

Also, what's wrong with feminine men?

Tripartita | 44

#6591939 - Friday 29 April 2016 4:14

As a feminine man, I apologize, #31. But don't despair; you'll find a nice strong man eventually. I promise. ;-)

hacksaw246 | 24

#6592863 - Saturday 30 April 2016 4:06

#48 that's sweet of you fairy but I believe I'll pass on men.

By ShotaSammy | 17

#6591357 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:54

Goth kids are fighters. Dont even feel bad dude, they metal as fuck

RodzillaX | 30

#6593087 - Saturday 30 April 2016 11:23

Don't be an asshole.

frankmz | 17

#6593244 - Saturday 30 April 2016 18:34

??????

By mergeterge | 24

#6591374 - Thursday 28 April 2016 17:07

You met Lizbeth Salander? Cool!

sw2f2fchik612 | 12

#6591477 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:47

My first thought too haha

By deathrise007 | 22

#6591376 - Thursday 28 April 2016 17:09

Goth people fight man. No shame. No shame.

By Estelle101_fml | 13

#6591385 - Thursday 28 April 2016 17:21

Never underestimate a 15 year old girl, we are very vicious.