Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger,...

By Anonymous - 27/4/2016 17:32 - United States - East Stroudsburg

Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger, who then broke my nose. Suddenly, I was saved by someone: A 15 year-old goth girl who promptly tackled the mugger to the ground. I'm a 21 year old man. FML

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Miscellaneous

Keep the peace

Deep-seated resentment

Gas giant

By Noname - 23/2/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, I had to tell my super-conservative parents that I had just gone to visit the boyfriend I'm not supposed to have so that I could tell him I am pregnant. FML

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By shoveless - 20/12/2016 21:08 - United States

Today, I came home from school to find my house ransacked. The robbers shoveled a path from my back door to the driveway, through the snow, then they stole my snow-shovel. FML

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By kimhinesvoinea - 7/4/2013 12:07 - United States

Today, I took multiple pictures of my blanket and pillow pet, trying to get the "perfect pose" so I could post it on Facebook with a cheesy joke. I'm 30. FML

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By winneuse - 5/6/2015 02:30 - France - Allennes-les-marais

Today, for the first time since kindergarten, I won! I came first! Yes, I'm first on the waiting list for the M.A. degree I applied to. FML

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By AllieOops - 17/8/2011 09:14 - United States

Today, my roommate told me that unscented deodorant prevents ingrown hairs on the bikini line. She shared this beauty tip with me when I caught her using my Lady Speed Stick on her snatch. FML

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By Veryfunny - 23/2/2012 23:52 - Australia

Today, I came back from a holiday and the friend who'd been looking after my cats returned my spare key. When I wanted to put some relaxing music on, I noticed that he'd switched most of my CDs around in their cases. I have over a thousand of them. Very funny, thanks. FML

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By MisterBrown - 15/2/2010 07:08 - United States

Today, while at a family get together, my bowels suddenly decided they needed to be emptied. Straight away. I felt bad enough using someone else's bathroom for this, but later, my sister came in and loudly said "God, Brian, what the hell have you been eating?" in front of everyone at the get together. FML

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By fmlmao - 28/1/2017 12:00

Today, I was feeling depressed, so I decided to go snowboarding with friends to cheer myself up. I fell on the first trail and broke my dominant wrist. FML

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By hospitalflunky - 28/3/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, I got an email from a professor saying he was going to fail me for missing the alloted absences, which is school policy. I pointed out I was in the hospital for two weeks with a life threatening illness and that he even came to visit me. He told me "rules are rules." FML

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By california - 14/3/2009 20:55 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and noticed a man in ripped clothes with a cup out asking for money. I was on my way to the movies but I felt like this man needed it more that me. Right as I gave it to him, he pulled out his blackberry. FML

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By ProudMamma - 14/9/2016 01:50 - Canada - Oakville

Today, my ex came back into my life, professing his love and begging for another chance. This begging act ended rather suddenly once he remembered I have a daughter. FML

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By - 5/12/2018 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today me and my boyfriend were in an adventurous sexual position and as I started to orgasm he slipped, landed awkwardly and dislocated both my hips, while I was in the middle of an orgasm. Somehow the pleasure of the orgasm made the pain worse. I don't think I'll ever want sex again. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2016 14:03 - United States - Salem

Today, I had my first real break from work in ages, so I decided to go hiking. Less than 20 minutes in, I tumbled a couple hundred feet down a steep hill, broke my leg and several toes, and lay there in agony for an eternity before I was finally rescued. FML

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Adil Ilahi - 5/6/2017 15:00 - United Kingdom - Keighley

Today, my friends yet again told me to hop on Tinder and other dating sites, saying how easy it is to match up, and I keep telling them I will soon. In reality, I've been on them for weeks, without a match. FML

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By anonymous - 24/3/2016 03:02

Today, my parents and in-laws are in a bidding war for the house next door, since we are about to have a son. We're not even sure if we want them living this close. FML

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By Farterella - 2/11/2016 20:30

Today, I was the only girl in gym class who couldn't lift the weight, and the only one to fart multiple times during the attempt. FML

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By begging for air - 20/2/2014 17:45 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

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By "Tarun Kumar" - 3/12/2019 14:00

Her plan!

Today, my girlfriend planned our day, she wanted to play FIFA before having sex. I won 11-0. She stormed out of the room, went home and isn't picking my calls / texting back. It's been 12 hours. FML

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By Bubbah - 15/3/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, I was working my job as the person who checks people in at the gym. A sweaty chubby woman came up to me complaining about how our staff seems so fit. I replied with "we like to hire people who have bodies that motivate our clients!" She gave a blank stare, then said "so how did you get the job?" FML

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By glittercat - 26/1/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

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By worst - 12/10/2009 08:23 - Philippines

Today, my mom said I was the worst of her 5 children. My IQ is 130, an honor student, I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, or do drugs. I'm the "worst" because I don't go to church every Sunday. FML

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By izu - 16/9/2011 05:40 - United States

Today, my mom decided to only speak to me through our pet cat. FML

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By Sam - 3/2/2012 04:00 - Canada

Today, I got punched by a man for making fun of his stutter. I didn't. I stutter too. FML

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By love you too honey boo - 13/1/2020 05:00

Dirty room

Today, I sent a scantily clad pic to my boyfriend, to which he responded "Nice, but please clean your room". FML

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By justmyluck - 12/2/2010 19:34 - United States

Today, my mom picked me up from school due to me being sick. Afterwards, she took a detour to the DMV, and I waited in the car. I ended up vomiting everywhere, clothes included, and had to sit in the car for three hours while the taste and smells lingered. FML

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By Charles Pennington - 22/11/2011 11:36 - United States

Today, I found out that my new roommate got kicked out of his old house because he pulled a gun on his old roommates and threatened them. The reason? They nagged him about dishes he left in the sink. Well, only 10 months left on the lease. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2015 01:22 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got stopped by people asking for donations for their charity services. Being who I am, I hate saying no to people, so I told them "I don't have any money, only my card." Did you know they also accept payment by card? FML

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By confused - 27/2/2015 03:07 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because we got into a fight over what color that confusing black and blue and white and gold dress was. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2011 06:44 - United States

Today, I drove 45 min from my college to surprise my girlfriend with roses after she got off work. She responded by taking the roses, dumping them in her back seat, and speeding off because she couldn't miss Survivor. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2016 21:22

Today, I got pulled over and was given a ticket because my exhaust was too loud. I got this ticket while on my way to get said exhaust fixed. FML

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By mallcop - 14/2/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, while working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML

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By BigBangCheater - 1/4/2012 10:08 - United States - Loves Park

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

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By crapgirl - 18/4/2009 23:11 - United States

Today, I discovered the worst possible situation in which to get explosive diarrhea: on a 9-hour transatlantic flight. Next to an attractive single guy. FML

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By FuckSteakNShake - 6/6/2017 16:00

Today, I was fired, all because I asked my manager for help on the line when we were short staffed and he was on his butt in the office. He said it wasn't his job to help us. Apparently, asking your manager for help when you're busy gets you fired. FML

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By ouch - 3/1/2011 00:36 - United States

Today, I took a nap on the couch in the family room. My brother thought it would be hilarious to take clear packaging tape and put it on my chapped lips. Then rip it off. FML

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By Me - 11/4/2013 00:45 - United States - Ramona

Today, as I walked out of the local store, I noticed a young girl was sitting on the curb, crying. I nudged her with the Snickers bar I had bought earlier, thinking she needed it more than me. After looking at it, she yelled, "PEDOPHILE!", punched me in the balls, and then ran away screaming. FML

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By aprouddaddy - 4/12/2014 23:46 - France - Paris

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

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By 30000 - 2/1/2015 03:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

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By UglyGirl - 8/11/2015 09:34 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I waved at a baby while standing in line in a store. It started screaming. Its mom looked over in mild concern and gave me a disturbed glare before moving to the next checkout counter over. FML

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By justsomesummer - 26/1/2016 18:09 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML

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Top comments

By ShleeG | 23

#6591327 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:29

Maybe start taking some self defence classes. Although you shouldn't feel bad being saved by a 15 year old. Kickass people come in all shapes and sizes

By Tripartita | 44

#6591328 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:31

Nice, an early draft of the Deadpool screenplay got published as an FML! Man, Negasonic Teenage Warhead was an awesome character.

COMMENTS

By OptimusSlime | 23

#6591326 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:29

She did have the element of surprise, to be fair

By ShleeG | 23

#6591327 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:29

Maybe start taking some self defence classes. Although you shouldn't feel bad being saved by a 15 year old. Kickass people come in all shapes and sizes

shabadabba | 14

#6591409 - Thursday 28 April 2016 17:45

And apparently different ages

By Tripartita | 44

#6591328 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:31

Nice, an early draft of the Deadpool screenplay got published as an FML! Man, Negasonic Teenage Warhead was an awesome character.

arano | 29

#6591332 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:33

Just because it's a similar situation doesn't mean it's not real.

Tripartita | 44

#6591343 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:44

What? I was just making a joke, not actually questioning the authenticity of the FML. The situations aren't even that similar.

dafakeslimshady | 12

#6591771 - Thursday 28 April 2016 23:42

take my like. I tip my hat hat to you

MikaykayUnicorn | 36

#6591844 - Friday 29 April 2016 2:00

That was my first thought too, that movie was priceless.

00whyalwaysme00 | 4

#6599527 - Saturday 7 May 2016 17:57

Best answer EVER! DEADPOOL❤️

By HoboMeth | 32

#6591331 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:32

Brave girl

By DeadxManxWalking | 27

#6591335 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:35

did you thank her?

By hilamonster06 | 21

#6591344 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:44

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

hellobobismyname | 24

#6591482 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:52

Not all men are good in hand to hand combat. It doesn't make them any less of a man. Jeez..

deathrise007 | 22

#6591508 - Thursday 28 April 2016 19:21

You are brainwashed with the philosophy of, "You're only a man if you can win a fight."

hacksaw246 | 24

#6591611 - Thursday 28 April 2016 20:50

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Mathalamus | 24

#6591719 - Thursday 28 April 2016 22:34

Oh, and you can fight off a mugger no problem? Most males, manly or not, will have issues doing that.

TheMathMajor | 26

#6591723 - Thursday 28 April 2016 22:38

Also, what's wrong with feminine men?

Tripartita | 44

#6591939 - Friday 29 April 2016 4:14

As a feminine man, I apologize, #31. But don't despair; you'll find a nice strong man eventually. I promise. ;-)

hacksaw246 | 24

#6592863 - Saturday 30 April 2016 4:06

#48 that's sweet of you fairy but I believe I'll pass on men.

By ShotaSammy | 17

#6591357 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:54

Goth kids are fighters. Dont even feel bad dude, they metal as fuck

RodzillaX | 30

#6593087 - Saturday 30 April 2016 11:23

Don't be an asshole.

frankmz | 17

#6593244 - Saturday 30 April 2016 18:34

??????

By mergeterge | 24

#6591374 - Thursday 28 April 2016 17:07

You met Lizbeth Salander? Cool!

sw2f2fchik612 | 12

#6591477 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:47

My first thought too haha

By deathrise007 | 22

#6591376 - Thursday 28 April 2016 17:09

Goth people fight man. No shame. No shame.

By Estelle101_fml | 13

#6591385 - Thursday 28 April 2016 17:21

Never underestimate a 15 year old girl, we are very vicious.