Miscellaneous: Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger,...

By Anonymous - 27/04/2016 17:32 - United States - East Stroudsburg

Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger, who then broke my nose. Suddenly, I was saved by someone: A 15 year-old goth girl who promptly tackled the mugger to the ground. I'm a 21 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 598

You deserved it 2 868

Miscellaneous

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

The patriarchy rules

Transference

By oc_cheergirl - 06/04/2011 02:32 - United States

Today, I wore my cheerleading uniform to my boyfriend's house. He was a nerd in high school and mentioned a fantasy about hooking up with a cheerleader. I started acting sassy and a little mean, figuring he would enjoy a more realistic experience. Apparently not, because he started to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 470

You deserved it 50 998

By Keira - 27/03/2019 22:00

Today, the modeling program I'm required to use for school started inexplicably crashing. Reinstalling doesn't even fix it. The company that owns the software doesn't provide students with tech support, and my teacher just told me I won't pass if I can't fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 020

You deserved it 123

By Stormbringer - 01/02/2011 06:37

Today, I realized that someone spray painted a giant black cock on the front of my house while I was asleep. I also just recently painted my entire house yellow. Yellow doesn't cover up black penis very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 376

You deserved it 4 103

By Anonymous - 24/02/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 813

You deserved it 691

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 04:10 - Canada

Today, I went to the bar to celebrate my friend's birthday party. I gave the bouncer my ID and he kicked me out, saying that I should at least use an ID card with the correct gender. I'm 22 and female, he thought I was an underage boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 426

You deserved it 3 965

By glocked and goaded - 03/04/2015 18:08 - United States - Sun City

Today, at my cousin's wedding, there was a bouquet toss. I jumped to catch it, only to get knocked down and crushed by a woman twice my size who'd jumped backwards. It still feels like someone shattered my ribs with a sledgehammer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 704

You deserved it 2 778

By scammed - 29/08/2013 18:48 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I found out after spending my life's income on paying for my grandma's cancer treatment that she has been faking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 661

You deserved it 3 590

By hale_551 - 11/09/2015 16:34

Today, I asked my teacher if he could tutor me for my upcoming exam. He said he'd look into it and let me know later. I later got called to the principal's office because my teacher claimed I'd propositioned him for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 968

You deserved it 1 552

By amelie - 09/12/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. While getting down on one knee, he farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 671

You deserved it 690

By presidont - 18/10/2009 12:25 - Switzerland

Today, it was the elections for Student Council President. I decided to be nice and vote for the only other competitor because it was her birthday. I lost by one vote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 589

You deserved it 51 503

By montanadinosaur - 26/04/2015 04:05 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was watching porn, and ended up bawling because the girl in the video looked like my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 087

You deserved it 10 724

Misery

By Anonymous - 02/12/2021 11:01

Today, I’m a happily married man and I know this because my wife says so all the time. E.g., we don’t need marriage counselling because we’re happily married; you're not moving out because we’re happily married, and the latest, we don’t need a divorce because we’re happily married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 9

By fuckmuppeter512 - 04/01/2014 22:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend. After only having sex once, where I wore a condom and didn't even get to come, she says that she's pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 625

You deserved it 8 658

By Tyler - 25/08/2013 04:30 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 129

You deserved it 9 652

By Stung - 19/06/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, the weather was nice so I decided to eat outside. I quickly found out that my new, expensive hair conditioner attracts bees. Lots of bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 013

You deserved it 6 703

Old Thug Life

By The Bad Guy - 09/03/2020 02:00 - Ireland

Today, an old lady came up to me and asked me to break a fifty for her. I gave her two twenties and a ten. I later used the fifty. It was counterfeit. I was conned by a pensioner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 490

You deserved it 365

By Liav - 23/01/2017 12:00

Today, I took my "girlfriend" to a nice restaurant to celebrate our first month anniversary, only to find out she didn't even know we're dating, but only "friends who have sex sometimes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 801

You deserved it 1 654

By argument invalid? - 27/02/2019 16:00

Today, I got written up and may be placed under suspension due to my recent 5 consecutive day unscheduled absence. When I told them I was on a Bereavement Leave, they still will not accept my excuse because its still considered as "unscheduled". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 178

By hitchcock2013 - 07/05/2013 17:10 - United States - Taylor

Today, I did my small part to help the environment by hanging my clothes outside to dry rather than using the dryer. The birds showed their appreciation by crapping on the majority of my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 662

You deserved it 13 281

By kutekittykatz - 10/07/2013 08:58 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 202

You deserved it 14 561

By cakestar9 - 31/12/2014 19:39 - Ireland - Ennis

Today, I went to a club to celebrate New Year's Eve. A cute guy came up to me at the bar and asked my name. I thought my 8 year long dry spell was finally about to end. I smiled and said "Chrissy!" He said "That's a whore's name!" and wandered back off into the crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 450

You deserved it 3 541

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, we got a speeding ticket in the mail with my drunk daughter's picture on it. She was waving at the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 480

You deserved it 5 337

Music nerds of the world unite!

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 05:03

Today, I woke up this morning to find out I have lost all ability to hear. Not only is that medically concerning, it also means that now I can’t listen to the new albums I just bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 81

By offrampmotel - 28/03/2017 14:00

Today, my 4-year-old son discovered that he really likes masturbating. So much in fact, that he took pictures of it with my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 262

You deserved it 699

Pick me

By Brit - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I made a Facebook under a guy's name and I'm sending myself wall posts just so it looks like I actually talk to a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 228

You deserved it 46 144

By elle - 23/05/2011 10:17

Today, I found out that the peaceful rain I'd been listening to all night was really a broken water-main flooding my entire yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 248

You deserved it 4 129

Hi mom!

By jonnie - 07/05/2020 02:00

Today, I learned Google Assistant and Google Home work harmoniously together if I blabber on without ending a command, like when sending a text to my mom about canceling dinner plans because I’m fake sick and going to hook up with this guy, it’ll send every word. My mistake & lesson learned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 2 048

Run away time!

By CreepedOut - 09/03/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I walked into a subway car which was empty except for this sleeping hobo. Three stops later, the guy wakes up and starts peeing in the corner. I ignore it thinking he'll go back to sleep. Silly me, I didn't realize that he would start running towards me, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 990

You deserved it 2 794

Should've stayed home, basically

By SoftwareDev - 27/06/2017 02:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after getting booked off work for being sick, I go to work anyway. On the way home, I stop by a colleagues fairwell, being the paranoid type of guy I make sure my car is locked about 3-4 times and head in. Later I get home to find my laptop has been stolen from my boot with my medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 289

You deserved it 602

By Anonymous - 27/03/2011 18:41 - United States

Today, I realized I've been sinking into a deep depression, ignoring all my friends, and don't know what to do with my life anymore. This is all because I gave up Facebook for lent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 732

You deserved it 56 287

By Anonymous - 20/05/2012 19:43 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I went to a job interview at a small family-owned business. After the interview, the owner's son took me into his office and told me I'm not getting the job and to get out, because apparently, the old man thinks I'm "possessed by a demon". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 844

You deserved it 2 129

Don't stop now!

By Anonymous - 09/03/2021 03:01 - Lithuania - Klaipeda

Today, as usual during sex, my boyfriend finished first, and then he "massaged" me so I could finish too. While he was doing that, his grandma called. He actually answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 164

You deserved it 151

By Anonymous - 30/03/2016 13:25 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was at the mall with my mom, when I saw a little pamphlet about a charity for abused children. I showed her and said I was going to donate a few dollars. She quickly said no, calling it a waste of money and muttering that the kids probably deserved it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 499

You deserved it 1 803

By datingmrpicky - 22/08/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 451

You deserved it 36 781

By Stevo - 18/06/2010 07:13 - United States

Today, my math teacher told me to learn how to say "welcome to wal-mart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 493

You deserved it 11 874

By 181999 - 14/09/2013 20:47 - United States - Essex Junction

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment for the first time, only to see another girl walking out. I accused her of cheating with him and we got into a fight. Turns out I was at the wrong apartment. He lives next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 420

You deserved it 54 116

Out of the frying pan…

By Anonymous - 18/07/2020 14:01

Today, I thought I finally had a decent boyfriend. He didn’t seem like an emotionally unavailable alcoholic like my past boyfriends. Then I found out he’s an unemployed Trump supporter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 480

You deserved it 736

By Anonymous - 18/08/2010 16:12 - United States

Today, my new $100 electronic cigarette came in the mail. I was so excited to try it out, I used it on the drive to work. The people who sold it to me weren't kidding when they said it looked and felt real. I threw it out the window when I was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 482

You deserved it 64 144

By Insomniac - 28/07/2012 09:56 - United States - Wasilla

Today, after rolling my car on the highway, I witnessed several people stop and get out of their cars to take pictures. No one asked if I was okay, and I was the one who had to call 911 for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 532

You deserved it 2 440

By looking4newvenue - 23/02/2015 20:49 - United States

Today, my wedding venue called and canceled our reservation because we were double booked with a spaghetti bingo night, which they felt was more important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 522

You deserved it 2 951

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Top comments

ShleeG 23

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Thursday 28 April 2016 16:29

Maybe start taking some self defence classes. Although you shouldn't feel bad being saved by a 15 year old. Kickass people come in all shapes and sizes

Tripartita 44

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Thursday 28 April 2016 16:31

Nice, an early draft of the Deadpool screenplay got published as an FML! Man, Negasonic Teenage Warhead was an awesome character.

OptimusSlime 23

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Thursday 28 April 2016 16:29

She did have the element of surprise, to be fair

ShleeG 23

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Thursday 28 April 2016 16:29

Maybe start taking some self defence classes. Although you shouldn't feel bad being saved by a 15 year old. Kickass people come in all shapes and sizes

shabadabba 14

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Thursday 28 April 2016 17:45

And apparently different ages

Tripartita 44

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Thursday 28 April 2016 16:31

Nice, an early draft of the Deadpool screenplay got published as an FML! Man, Negasonic Teenage Warhead was an awesome character.

arano 29

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Thursday 28 April 2016 16:33

Just because it's a similar situation doesn't mean it's not real.

Tripartita 44

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Thursday 28 April 2016 16:44

What? I was just making a joke, not actually questioning the authenticity of the FML. The situations aren't even that similar.

dafakeslimshady 12

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Thursday 28 April 2016 23:42

take my like. I tip my hat hat to you

MikaykayUnicorn 36

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Friday 29 April 2016 2:00

That was my first thought too, that movie was priceless.

00whyalwaysme00 4

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Saturday 7 May 2016 17:57

Best answer EVER! DEADPOOL❤️

HoboMeth 32

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Thursday 28 April 2016 16:32

Brave girl

DeadxManxWalking 27

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Thursday 28 April 2016 16:35

did you thank her?

hilamonster06 21

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Thursday 28 April 2016 16:44

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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hellobobismyname 24

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Thursday 28 April 2016 18:52

Not all men are good in hand to hand combat. It doesn't make them any less of a man. Jeez..

deathrise007 22

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Thursday 28 April 2016 19:21

You are brainwashed with the philosophy of, "You're only a man if you can win a fight."

hacksaw246 24

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Thursday 28 April 2016 20:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Mathalamus 24

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Thursday 28 April 2016 22:34

Oh, and you can fight off a mugger no problem? Most males, manly or not, will have issues doing that.

TheMathMajor 26

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Thursday 28 April 2016 22:38

Also, what's wrong with feminine men?

Tripartita 44

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Friday 29 April 2016 4:14

As a feminine man, I apologize, #31. But don't despair; you'll find a nice strong man eventually. I promise. ;-)

hacksaw246 24

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Saturday 30 April 2016 4:06

#48 that's sweet of you fairy but I believe I'll pass on men.

ShotaSammy 17

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Thursday 28 April 2016 16:54

Goth kids are fighters. Dont even feel bad dude, they metal as fuck

RodzillaX 30

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Saturday 30 April 2016 11:23

Don't be an asshole.

frankmz 17

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Saturday 30 April 2016 18:34

??????

mergeterge 24

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Thursday 28 April 2016 17:07

You met Lizbeth Salander? Cool!

sw2f2fchik612 12

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Thursday 28 April 2016 18:47

My first thought too haha

deathrise007 22

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Thursday 28 April 2016 17:09

Goth people fight man. No shame. No shame.

Estelle101_fml 13

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Thursday 28 April 2016 17:21

Never underestimate a 15 year old girl, we are very vicious.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 9

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 142

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 91

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