you might like Rosy. she's sounds very "handy" in moments like these.

hey, he may be old but he is very wise. listen to the guy!

Yep, she does do the job.

Dang, your grandfather has eerily good hearing.... FYL

Holy shit, I'm dying right now!

turned the hearing aid way up for that.

Grandpa was a little slow there. It slammed shut the moment he said “I Do”

Tell your grandpa it's ok, you have the key.

Hearing Aids these days are incredible!

If your wife ain't puttin out, you're bad at sex.

Because obviously wives are obligated to "put out" whenever their husbands wants them to. And obviously if she doesn't want to, it automatically means he's bad in bed. Obviously.

You know nothing, cheeks. By the way, do you "put out"?

There's nothing about "obligation," obviously. Way to obviously read wrongly into the comment.

It's about her *wanting* sex if it's pleasurable, obviously. And not wanting sex if it sucks, obviously.

There's obviously nothing in that comment about forcing a woman to be submissive, *obviously.*

#5 said "putting out" not wanting sex. they're kind of different meanings, at least to me

"Putting out" equals willingness to have sex. In context to the FML that phrase was perfectly fine to use. There was zero reference to women being submissive to men or being required to have sex. It obviously meant "If she's not willing to have sex".
As a woman I'm inclined to agree. Sex is a pretty big part of a spousal relationship. A sudden lack of interest in sex would mean either 1. The man isn't good enough in bed to keep her interest or 2. There is something medically or psychologically wrong with the woman and it's causing a problem.
The same things would be true in the reverse. His sudden lack of interest would mean that either she's not good enough to keep his interest or there is something medically or psychologically wrong with him.

That said, Grandpa is obviously just joking and his words are no reflection as to the actual status of the OP and his new wife's sexual relationship.

Then it's a good thing you don't marry people for access to their vagina?

Believe it or not, women enjoy sex too. Marriage doesn't mean no more sex.

Nah. Women are just baby making machines. We can't enjoy sex.
/sarcasm

I think your joke would've been fairly obvious without the "/sarcasm" there
just saying

That may be true to us, but you and me both know there are people who take everything on the internet literally

I'd actually like to know where this belief that women no longer want sex once married comes from. I haven't found it to be accurate... Yet it's something so many men tend to believe.

exactly #19.
can't please everyone, i guess!

In a good relationship both people have a similar sex drive.
A persons drive can change, but if it does right after getting married that might mean they were lying about that aspect of the relationship. If you know your wife you shouldn't be worried about anything gramps said OP.

Women enjoying sex? That's a myth. Just like the existance of the female orgasm, the g-spot and Europe.

#15 -no, unless you tell people your being sarcastic, most are to stupid to get it.

that's actually pretty funny... but still FYL

Well that's not true. Newly wedded couples do it like there's no tomorrow!

And then tomorrow comes

That is something I would never want to hear from my grandfather under any circumstance... Grandpas talking bout sex and vaginas? *shudder* no thanks

Yeah, because your grandpa never had sex or was ever your age before....

#27 Still doesn't mean anyone wants to hear about that from their grandfather :/

My grandfather told me stories about sex with French women in WWII while he was under Patton's command. I only wish I'd been old enough to enjoy them and tell him my own hilarious anecdotes.