Transportation: Today, I got into a car accident. I got into it because I noticed...

By RoxMySox - 25/12/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. I got into it because I noticed a flashy new sign on the highway that read "Being an attentive driver prevents car crashes". Thanks for the notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 391

You deserved it 6 690

Transportation

Red flag

Judge and jury

Fill her up

By Anonymous - 16/09/2012 01:29 - United States

Today, for the first time in a week, a customer entered my store. He needed to use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 416

You deserved it 2 363

By some explaining to do - 25/12/2016 08:34 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to my uncle's house to celebrate Christmas. His kids don't have their own phones so I let them play with mine. They sent all my contacts messages saying I love them, including two of my ex-girlfriends who both immediately wanted to make up and started to frantically call me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 274

You deserved it 3 108

By Spawn_of_Satan - 27/03/2009 15:18 - Hong Kong

Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 042

You deserved it 7 407

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 07:14 - United States

Today, I told my parents that I wanted a little brother. My dad apparently thought it would be funny to tell me that my mom just swallowed my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 594

You deserved it 9 268

By anonymous - 01/06/2009 07:05 - Korea Republic of

Today, I asked my mom if I could join my friends in getting lessons in self defense. My mom told me that I didn't need them because my face was a better weapon to repel anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 130

You deserved it 5 279

By Adalia - 03/10/2009 15:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I wore a beautiful new dress that I got for £5 only in a sale. I've been turning heads in it all day. When I got home, my mum pulled the massive red £5 tag off of the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 751

You deserved it 39 342

By Seule - 29/06/2016 04:07 - Switzerland - Pully

Today, on a movie date with my boyfriend, it took me a while to understand why he was leaning on his elbow during the entire thing. He had an earpiece cupped in his hand and was listening to a soccer match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 155

You deserved it 1 686

By Anonymous - 09/04/2017 20:00

Today, I was running late for my morning gym class. I grabbed a near-empty drink bottle on my way out, intending to fill it up at the gym. Mid-workout, I reached for my bottle and took a big mouthful as I headed over to fill it up. To my great surprise, it was not water but straight vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 513

You deserved it 1 368

By fatgirl4 - 20/07/2009 23:31 - United States

Today, I was at the gym running with intensity on the treadmill. As I was working out, I noticed a few guys behind me staring at me. I figured they were checking me out because I was losing some weight and looking better. Turns out they were betting on how much longer "Fat Ass" could last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 995

You deserved it 6 607

Killing in the name of

By Anonymous - 05/07/2020 02:00

Today, I've loved for years that my boyfriend works at an animal shelter, but I learned from his coworker that he’s the guy that puts the animals to sleep, full time, sometimes 30 a day. Now I’m disgusted to sit in the same room as him, because he always says he loves his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 612

You deserved it 374

By blewidstepr - 16/05/2011 03:40

Today, I realized my 3 year old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 461

You deserved it 6 367

By Terri-Lynn - 30/05/2012 20:25 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I figured out why my doctor repeatedly warned me to keep regular bowel movements while I recover from childbirth. I now have an anal fissure. It's like giving birth all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 698

You deserved it 4 398

By anonymous - 14/06/2012 14:54 - China - Nanjing

Today, I found out that my wife and two teenage daughters' periods are all one week after the other. I am living in hell almost every single day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 108

You deserved it 4 716

Romantic afterglow

By easyontheeyes1 - 01/05/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Immediately after we'd finished, he said, "Get off, you're making it hard to breathe on top of me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 425

By Rosey - 23/07/2014 20:57 - United States - Manson

Today, I found out that my boyfriend's mother still calls his ex-girlfriend her "future daughter-in-law". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 049

You deserved it 3 331

By billjoebob424 - 10/03/2016 00:01 - Canada

Today, I've been so accustomed to kissing my girlfriend that when I gave my best bud a hug, I kissed him on the neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 347

You deserved it 7 426

Priorities

By About2bhomeless - 09/11/2021 11:01

Today, my roommate and I received a non-payment notice from our landlord, over a dishonored check that was used to pay the rent. I give my roommate money for my share and she handles the checks. Apparently, her trip to Puerto Rico was more important than paying rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 338

You deserved it 149

This one simple trick! Doctors hate her!

By Anonymous - 11/06/2020 14:04

Today, I received many compliments from my co-workers on the weight I've lost and how nice I look. I haven't slept for the past month, and eating makes me nauseous. I don't have the heart to tell them my secret is anxiety and depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 121

By INeedMoney - 28/01/2012 05:58 - United States

Today, I just finished my first week of unemployment. I don't have any money. I also just finished the last toilet paper roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 640

You deserved it 5 009

By CantBlink - 16/07/2012 18:25 - United States - Jersey City

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 619

You deserved it 2 694

By masterzach21 - 22/01/2010 06:25 - United States

Today, I took a picture of my "privates" on my girlfriends cell phone and set it as her background without her knowing. Minutes later, I heard her mom scream. She has the same phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 990

You deserved it 41 191

By left4dead - 27/10/2012 20:04 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went on a field trip with some people from school. I'm currently confined to a wheelchair, so I had to rely on my sister to get around. She eventually went off with her friends, assuming that the people nearby would keep me company. Five minutes later, they'd all left me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 753

You deserved it 2 067

By What did I do wrong? - 04/09/2018 18:30 - United States - Manhattan

Today at university, I saw a girl on crutches struggling to make it up the stairs to the dining center. Feeling sympathetic, I politely offered to help her with her bags, and she declined. By declined, I mean she maced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 848

You deserved it 167

Grand Old Irony

By Anonymous - 27/03/2020 02:12

Today, I asked my 'friend with benefits' if she'd consider actually dating me regularly. She said yes, but only if I joined the Republican Party, because she "would never date anyone who didn't fight for morality." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 954

You deserved it 831

By Anonymous - 10/07/2015 22:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my birthday. What did I get? A 12-hour work shift, after spending an almost sleepless night in a computer chair because my bed is infested with bed bugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 572

You deserved it 2 771

By Jimii Liu - 11/03/2012 01:41 - United States

Today, I had a date with a woman. She brought her dog along. Every time when I touched her, the jealous male dog began to bark and tried to bite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 559

You deserved it 3 343

Exhausted and fat

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 19:59 - Germany

Today, my body can do wondrous things, like turn bread into blubber, produce pimples and wrinkles on top of each other, but still hasn't mastered the basic principles: using sleep for recharging and turning food into energy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 129

Abalaschabalamanama

By help meeeee - 14/03/2021 17:01

Today, and ever since we watched a documentary about televangelists scamming people, my boyfriend randomly imitates them speaking "in tongues" because he knows it freaks me out. He's really good at it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 141

Wait for me!

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 01:58

Today, the parking shuttle for work pulled away right as I was walking up to it. I was late to work. For the second day in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 640

Cool story, tell it again

By GGimabeast - 29/07/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, I celebrated my birthday. My mom invited a bunch of my relatives over, and they started telling funny stories of when I was a kid. My mom decided that then was an appropriate time to talk about how she caught me looking at porn the other night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 248

You deserved it 12 371

By IllJustGetYouASweaterThen - 04/08/2010 07:58 - United States

Today, I was called handsome. Too bad it was coming from a trashed homeless lady, who then went on to tell me that she likes my lips and wants to rape me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 344

You deserved it 4 180

By lala - 25/01/2010 17:21 - United States

Today, I used the Print Screen button to take a picture of a really cute bag that I want for my birthday. After emailing it to my mom, I noticed I'd forgotten to close another tab in the browser. The tab had a very suggestive title, for an even more suggestive website. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 365

You deserved it 33 940

By Anonymous - 05/06/2009 21:33 - Canada

Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 901

You deserved it 75 216

By poorchild - 23/11/2011 06:02 - United States

Today, I had to bail both my parents out of jail. They'd thought it would be fun to go streaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 058

You deserved it 2 897

By polish_chik - 01/09/2009 04:00 - Canada

Today, I saw a poor helpless cat in the middle of the road while driving. I pulled over and scooped it in my arms to bring it to safety. Not only did I get mauled and scratched by the cat, my car also wasn't put in park and rolled away hitting a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 241

You deserved it 38 732

By mrboston - 01/09/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, my college roommate whom I've never met moved in. Good thing I wasn't completely naked, playing with myself on the couch when he walked in. That would've been awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 605

You deserved it 43 014

By offuckingcourse - 06/08/2013 05:07 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 564

You deserved it 20 236

By ConfusedGirl - 15/12/2015 13:03 - United States - Pittsford

Today, I came home early to surprise my boyfriend. I walked into our bedroom to find him in dressed completely in my clothes, and in makeup. It took me a moment to realize it was him and not a female intruder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 057

You deserved it 2 214

By anne - 17/12/2011 03:46 - United States

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 753

You deserved it 5 964

By AnDroidZ_BabY - 11/09/2011 04:47 - United States

Today, my mom and I had a fight in the car over who farted. The result? She wanted to smell my underwear when we got home, to prove it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 377

You deserved it 3 812

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

caancoha 0

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2009 9:08

If you're American, sue the company! That's what we do.

CallMeHush 0

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2009 9:12

Do you have to remind yourself to breathe every now and again?

caancoha 0

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2009 9:08

If you're American, sue the company! That's what we do.

acertijo 0

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2009 9:12

HAHAHAHA everyone sues everyone nowadays

sonicmega 3

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2009 9:39

I'd be laughing if this weren't so pitifully true.

YayAmerica 0

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2009 9:50

I think we need to get the Don't Sue People Panda in here.

dudeitsdanny 9

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2009 10:07

WIN for the South Park reference, haha

flakes_fml 0

Send a private message

Thursday 1 April 2010 3:08

ydi for knowing how to read

flakes_fml 0

Send a private message

Thursday 6 May 2010 1:44

woo 3500th person to vote YDI I would like to thank the world thank you thank you!

Cjw1220 0

Send a private message

Friday 29 October 2010 22:45

3671 is better.

thealliance 0

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2009 9:10

First..... Op: Sell your car and buy a bike...the roads will be much safer without you.

CallMeHush 0

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2009 9:12

Do you have to remind yourself to breathe every now and again?

MaryMo_fml 0

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2009 9:13

NGL, I've seen those signs and I have to wonder, what's the point except massive distraction?

BeeSkwaird 0

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2009 9:19

If you can't multitask, you can't drive. Please get off the road. Kthxbye.

hot_mess88 0

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2009 9:35

It was a test. You fail... Next time, please try removing yourself from the gene pool WITHOUT taking others with you.

valekseye 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 19 July 2011 5:30

TRU TRU

dudeitsdanny 9

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2009 9:40

FYL. Next time just glance. Unless you see "exit" or "closed" or anything of the sort, just ignore it.

Tigg3r 3

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2009 10:00

Or warning #9. Awesome sighn I must admit though it sucks that you crashed. Hope your car isn't totaled otherwise, your screwed!

BeeSkwaird 0

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2009 10:04

His screwed what?

Nikki_Wonder 0

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2009 10:10

wow that does suck....

flashback.miss 28

Send a private message

Friday 25 December 2009 10:12

so.. you like shiny things...... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA No lyrics just laughter but seriously hope youre ok and next time dont be so easily distracted. i mean its not like edward was standing in front of you.... LOL maybe you need to go back to drivers ed if youre so well.. uh huh yeah.. there werent any seriously injured. still. you got distracted by what you prolly thought was edward so I rule YDI