Covid, Lockdown, Isolation and Coronavirus: Alexa, play "Isolation" by Joy Division - FML

Alexa, play "Isolation" by Joy Division

By Anonymous - 06/11/2020 22:56 - United States - Ashburn

Today, I jokingly said to my coworker, "God, what I wouldn't do for a week off work." I was then tested positive for COVID fifteen minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 427

Covid Lockdown Isolation Coronavirus

Stop talking!

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Hat Up

Rules are rules

By Anonymous - 24/03/2020 08:00

Today, as I was leaving a night shift at McDonald’s, a woman wanted to use the toilets. I explained our doors didn’t open until 7 a.m. now due to COVID-19. She wouldn’t take no for an answer and as I went to walk off, I got a swift knee in the nuts for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 17/01/2011 02:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 235

You deserved it 4 923

By now what - 23/02/2015 23:52 - Canada

Today, I got laid off. I abandoned my friends, my boyfriend and moved 10 hours away for this job because my uncle convinced me to. My uncle is my employer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 033

You deserved it 4 843

By kallens - 15/01/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, I was at Target with my mom. After 10 minutes of my mom walking around looking confused, I said, "Mom, what are you looking for? I worked at this place for 4 years, I know where everything is." My mom was looking for KY. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 732

You deserved it 2 785

By GeorgiaBOYY - 04/01/2010 17:40 - United States

Today, while using the bathroom on an airplane, someone walked in on me wiping my butt. That person just so happened to be the stranger I was sitting next to. It was an 8 hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 081

You deserved it 8 168

By Anonymous - 10/01/2016 10:35 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, my mom said if I dont get straight A's in my classes this year, she'll get the school to hold me back until I do. I believe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 440

You deserved it 2 488

By Average - 13/02/2011 07:16 - United States

Today, I was chosen as King for our winter formal. Even after I won, nobody wanted to dance with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 672

You deserved it 3 871

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 17:15 - Nepal

Spicy

Today, I texted my ex boyfriend that I still loved him. He texted back asking if this was some sort of booty call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 542

You deserved it 33 617

Cool prank bro

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 11:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school saying, "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 558

You deserved it 3 543

By Nightsong - 30/03/2016 02:54 - Germany - N?rnberg

Today, I saw a ridiculously hot guy dining with his family. I decided not to flirt with him with his parents around but to ask his sister (who went to the restroom) to give him my phone number. When I came back, I saw her pointing a finger at me, and the whole family turning around and staring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 320

You deserved it 19 292

Happy Anniversary!

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 06:00

Today, it was my first anniversary with my husband. Not only were we mad at each other and not speaking the whole day, he doesn't even remember and spent the night out with his friends instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 257

By jeeperspeepers - 02/08/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 118

You deserved it 132 708

By maggierose171 - 19/05/2012 15:08 - United States - Rosendale

Spicy

Today, my daughter's bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer look. I saw mountains of condom boxes under there. Now I know why the bed broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 173

You deserved it 5 706

Rejection

By creditwhore - 24/02/2010 19:13 - United States

Today, I decided to apply for a credit card to help build up my credit rating. It seemed smart since I'm a 24 year-old college graduate. I was rejected for not having a credit history. Being rejected turns out to hurt your credit history. The irony of my predicament is too great for words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 566

You deserved it 2 873

By kacysospacyy - 15/07/2011 18:23 - United States

Today, I went on a run with the family dog. I returned home to three missed calls and a hysterical voicemail from my dad. Why? The dog was gone. Not me, his fifteen year old daughter, the dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 006

You deserved it 4 811

By embarrassed - 18/11/2010 02:31

Today, I auditioned for a part in a play. I've been practicing for months, and was very excited. After I finished singing, the director whispered something to the other judges, and they all laughed. Hard. So much for the lead role. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 727

You deserved it 3 418

By really? - 16/05/2017 12:00 - United States - Concord

Today, my son told me that some kids had been picking on him at school. When I asked him to elaborate, he said that kids sometimes didn't say "Hi" back when he greeted them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 792

You deserved it 556

By student101 - 26/03/2014 03:37 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I got a history project back that I worked very hard on. The teacher didn't bother to write any feedback, besides, "Did you even understand the assignment?" on the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 623

You deserved it 6 506

By ouch - 19/12/2009 15:15 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 291

You deserved it 3 784

New, from L'Oréal!

By oompaloompa - 28/10/2019 12:00

Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 437

By soccercrazed1520 - 13/01/2010 21:40 - France

Today, I was taking a warm shower when someone in my house flushed the toilet, making the shower extremely hot. In my rush to get out so I wouldn't get burned, I slipped and knocked a tooth out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 221

You deserved it 4 361

Bunch of Freeloaders...

By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, after having my Wi-Fi unlocked for two years, I decided to lock it since it was running slowly. Everybody in my apartment building came to my door and asked me why I did it. I've been unknowingly providing free Wi-Fi to the entire building for years, but now that it's protected I'm getting constant dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 652

You deserved it 3 254

By twelvie - 23/03/2015 14:24 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my younger sister stopped talking to me. I got engaged to my boyfriend of 4 years and apparently, she's been in love with him since she met him. Through me. She's 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 757

You deserved it 2 895

Actor's Studio

By biggieT - 14/06/2012 02:21 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 898

You deserved it 7 539

Played a blinder

By hereforfmls - 26/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Jasper

Today, I felt something hit my eye as I was riding on my bike. My glasses ended up falling off. I looked for them for ten minutes before giving up. I ran over them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 529

You deserved it 400

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 414

You deserved it 42 357

By dr.mantistobagon - 27/08/2014 22:03 - United States - South Burlington

Spicy

Today, it's been a few months since my grandfather passed away. Now all of his porn subscriptions are getting forwarded to my address. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 910

You deserved it 3 421

Don't get involved

By Joe - 13/09/2021 20:00

Today, some kid on the bus kept pissing me off, making fart jokes and singing the Peppa Pig theme song on repeat. Angrily, I confronted him and asked him if he was 7. He retaliated with, "Yeah, 7 inches deep in your MOM!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 868

By ewewew - 24/09/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, during our championship field hockey game, my mouthguard fell into a mass of geese poop. The referee made me put it back in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 351

You deserved it 4 780

Winner

By Anonymous - 19/09/2021 19:59 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, after a lot of effort put into it and finally getting a scholarship, they emailed me saying they can't afford to fund me because they were impacted by the pandemic. I'd already denied other scholarship offers because theirs was the best offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 96

Evil

By Courts - 28/02/2017 21:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I had a shift as a carer in a high-rise disability home, and working with a lady whom was once a midwife. She had a toy baby, and was rocking it. When I asked her what she was going to do what the baby so she could come to lunch, she casually threw the baby off the balcony and shrugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 464

You deserved it 506

By Chesty Larue - 07/08/2015 00:29 - United States

Today, I got fired from my part-time job, because I insisted on keeping my phone in my pocket and never using it, instead of putting it in locker without a lock or security camera, that anyone can go through. The manager found out by searching my locker for the past 3 weeks. Ironic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 239

You deserved it 2 364

By sarah_sad - 25/03/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, I went to the gym with two of my friends expecting to pay a guest fee but the cute guy working at the front desk let me in for free. On the way out after working out I started to flirt with him and he said "Don't flatter yourself, I just let you in because I'm lazy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 587

You deserved it 16 698

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I saw my four-year-old son running around outside, and copying everything our dog was doing. I thought it was cute, so I went to grab the camera. When I went back outside, I saw my dog eating a dead rabbit, and my son doing the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 929

You deserved it 6 415

By mugged - 01/06/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, I got mugged by someone wearing a bear suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 193

You deserved it 4 698

By DoesNotLikeCubes - 06/07/2009 20:08 - Qatar

Today, I spent 3 hours looking at a youtube video for how to do rubik's cube. Even after being told how to do it, I couldn't finish it. I scroll down at the comments and read "Awesome! I'm 10 and can do it in 3 minutes now!". I'm 28 and still couldn't get it, even with a guide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 562

You deserved it 10 983

By fuckingcool - 14/12/2016 20:59 - United States - Ortonville

Today, my friend was complaining to me that she's gained 20 pounds and it's all gone to her butt and boobs. Meanwhile, I've also gained 20 pounds, and it's gone straight to my stomach. She looks better than she did before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 937

You deserved it 702

By fmylifegirl - 29/12/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriends and I got a caricature painting while on a trip in the city. Unfortunately for me, the part of my appearance that the artist decided to exaggerate was my acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 144

You deserved it 3 876

What's more embarrassing?

By Anonymous - 03/02/2021 18:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I pulled out an annoying nose hair with a tweezer and it made me cry. Not particularly painful but it triggered the tear duct. Had to pretend it was from yawning when someone asked why the teary eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 200

By bananagurl4242 - 16/07/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, my friends told me all five of us should bring sleeping bags on our field trip; I brought mine only to find out they had told me that so they would get the four beds to themselves. They all 'forgot' to bring them and its only fair that I should sleep on the floor. We are here for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 089

You deserved it 4 440

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Saturday 7 November 2020 5:24

You should have been more specific with God. When you pray, you need to tell Him you need a week in a nice vacation spot with perfect health. Otherwise, He'll fulfill your wish the easy way -- with a plague.

Yudith 20

Send a private message

Sunday 8 November 2020 12:26

Two paid weeks off work! Now let's pray for a speedy recovery; it looks like you've got God's attention for the time being.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Saturday 7 November 2020 5:24

You should have been more specific with God. When you pray, you need to tell Him you need a week in a nice vacation spot with perfect health. Otherwise, He'll fulfill your wish the easy way -- with a plague.

Send a private message

Saturday 7 November 2020 6:12

I mean, be careful what you wish for, but at least it came true in a roundabout way. Do they pay you for whatever hours you would have originally worked during your new time off?

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Sunday 8 November 2020 4:00

The Lord giveth, and The Lord taketh away.

Yudith 20

Send a private message

Sunday 8 November 2020 12:26

Two paid weeks off work! Now let's pray for a speedy recovery; it looks like you've got God's attention for the time being.

Send a private message

Tuesday 10 November 2020 16:56

Be careful what you ask for. Last December my son survived 5 stab wounds during a mugging. After he healed he was planning on going interstate road trip in his friend's beater car for his birthday back in March, I was not yet ready to let him go and hoped that something would happen to prevent the trip. Within the week Covid hit here, I feel a little guilty.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 7

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 41

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 74