Work: Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They... - FML

By miewann - 03/03/2015 19:06 - United States - Mount Holly

Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked my friend who works there what really happened. Apparently not showing my boobs enough at a family place was grounds for dismissal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 111

You deserved it 2 554

Leave us alone

Stop talking!

Thanks for the heads up

The high road

By Stephy - 22/07/2021 11:01

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Trying to be the bigger person, I told him, "Your loss, not mine." He responded with, "I didn’t lose anything really. You let yourself go. Have you looked in the mirror lately?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 846

Get away from me

By Jinthebar - 06/05/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone" in a seductive tone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 064

You deserved it 7 927

By dumped and dusted - 13/07/2016 17:35 - United States

Today, 3 weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 204

You deserved it 1 939

By Normal - 13/12/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, my brother and I got in a fight and he told my friends that I am mentally disabled. They believed him. Apparently, "everything makes sense now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 943

You deserved it 3 852

By WetWetWet - 04/01/2010 11:15 - India

Today, I returned to work after a restful week-long holiday. Before I left, I'd finished a huge assignment which is due this week. I walk in to find a water pipe has burst just above my desk, flooding our office with water and ruining my computer. Happy New Year to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 920

You deserved it 2 594

By DeathbyWording - 29/04/2016 17:05 - United States - Vernon

Today, my doctor said I "might" have an enlarged heart and an irregular heartbeat. It "could" be seriously life-threatening and I "should" go to a specialist for further tests. My insurance refuses to cover my consultation with the specialist because the doctor's wording is too uncertain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 355

You deserved it 1 269

By fuckmyassimcold - 14/12/2012 19:19 - United States

Today, I avoided having to wash the dishes by faking a cold. My sucker of a wife believed me and hopped off my balls about it. Later on, after I made a miraculous recovery, she told me to take out the trash. It's freezing outside and raining, and I feel a very real cold coming on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 949

You deserved it 79 125

Appropriate?

By JustAnotherTina - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got an email. It said, "Everyone hates you. We voted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 415

You deserved it 5 760

Hmmm, steak

By Anonymous - 11/01/2021 11:01

Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 878

By Olz - 22/01/2019 14:00

Today, I received my 12-month diet plan from an online coach. It said, “Eat less calories lol.” I just lost £175. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 111

You deserved it 1 152

By Noname - 23/02/2009 04:50 - United States

Today, my sister had a friend over and I had just gotten out of the shower. I wrapped something around me and walked across the living room. When I walked through, they both started laughing hysterically. Turns out, I grabbed a poncho and the hole for the head ended up right over my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 261

You deserved it 41 700

By mrsfantastic - 12/09/2010 14:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I was recovering from an operation. After I felt better, I checked my phone. There were 35 missed calls and angry text messages from my boyfriend asking why I wasn't at his house to cook his dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 487

You deserved it 6 478

By Unsuspecting - 16/04/2016 12:23 - United States

Today, I started my period almost a week earlier than I expected to. I also happened to be at the beach with a guy that I really liked when it started. He was the one who noticed, and he informed me by saying that we couldn't go back in the water or we would be eaten by sharks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 467

You deserved it 1 719

By Anonymous - 23/09/2011 05:47 - United States

Today, I'm being admitted to the hospital for severe exhaustion. Why am I exhausted? For spending 12 hours at the hospital while my sister gave birth. The same hospital I'm being admitted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 820

You deserved it 5 962

By Anonymous - 29/12/2015 14:15

Today, I found out my wife has been taking "love thy neighbour" very literally with the bloke next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 373

You deserved it 1 512

By Sir Vom-a-lot - 14/06/2012 16:28 - United Kingdom - West Drayton

Today, my girlfriend and I got to the stage in our relationship where she thinks its okay to change her tampon whilst I brush my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 577

You deserved it 6 567

By A_W - 06/07/2018 19:00

Today, in desperate need of cash to get me by until payday, I decided to pawn one of my nicer possessions, a Coach purse. Today, I learned that counterfeiters are getting a lot better at their profession. Now I have no money AND a fake purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 057

You deserved it 596

By caughtontape - 22/03/2009 23:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, my school handed out the new yearbook. I was so excited to be on the cover page in a group shot with all my friends until I realized that I was having a boner at the time the pic was taken. These books go out to the whole school. Everyone noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 136

You deserved it 20 536

The rest of us had already figured this out

By Anonymous - 21/05/2021 05:01 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Today, after reading more FMLs than I'd care to count, I think I've finally realised that the world isn't made up up of mostly competent and intelligent people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 127

By Anonymous - 08/11/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I was driving home from work with the window down. I felt what I thought was rain coming through the window, until I looked over and realized it was urine mist coming from the cattle truck next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 187

You deserved it 3 508

By Shopper - 23/05/2012 22:50 - United States

Today, I was shopping with a friend. We snuck into the same fitting room so we could give our opinions on each other's clothes. The suspicious saleswoman knocked on the door and asked how many people were in our room. I quickly answered, "It's OK. She's just watching." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 215

You deserved it 7 632

By Anonymous - 03/01/2014 21:50 - United Kingdom

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 640

You deserved it 5 478

By Anonymous - 31/10/2011 10:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I turned in an overdue English assignment at college. My instructor accused me of plagiarism, writing that my sentence structure was "TO" good. Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 906

You deserved it 4 382

By Annienomous - 09/10/2015 06:44 - United States - Marion

Today, I witnessed a man die from a heart attack. When I told my dad later, he said "Lose some weight or you'll be next." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 167

You deserved it 5 324

By klm878 - 13/11/2010 04:10 - United States

Today, at work, my manager fell in front of an entire lobby full of people on a wet floor. I'm the only one who burst out laughing. Turns out she has a broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 957

You deserved it 37 687

By sucks - 12/03/2009 17:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294 724

You deserved it 53 913

By Anonymous - 23/07/2014 20:44 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 767

You deserved it 5 056

By anonynomi - 19/11/2015 17:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was accused of shoplifting, after the alarm started beeping as I walked into the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 938

You deserved it 1 583

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 07:09 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 715

You deserved it 5 563

Congratulations. Or not.

By Anonymous - 24/10/2019 14:03

Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 1 991

By echo - 11/05/2016 18:59 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I offered my friend $150 to drop my girl and me off for at the airport. He's poor, so I try to help him out by paying for rides. My girl being with me, I asked him not to smoke weed while driving. He turned down the job because he needs a minimum of two blunts for the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 104

You deserved it 1 345

Medication shutdown

By Anonymous - 29/09/2011 09:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that due to my anti-depressants, I can no longer orgasm. At. All. Which depresses me more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 801

You deserved it 4 943

By Timmay - 05/06/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I was on the deck of a sailboat and I started feeling seasick. I bent over the edge to throw up. After I stood back up, the wind changed direction and the boon swung around, knocking me into the open ocean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 750

You deserved it 4 665

By CSPKrissi - 04/04/2017 04:00

Today, we got a new window washer in my office : a three-year-old, who decided the best tool for the job was his tongue. I'm the only one in the office willing to touch a bottle of glass cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 164

You deserved it 375

By neveragain - 16/03/2012 05:11 - Canada

Today, I gave in and let my friend give me a makeover. She couldn't find my eyelash curler, but decided that if she used scissors lightly, it would work just the same. Needless to say, it did not work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 448

You deserved it 30 812

By Highroller_17 - 13/08/2015 04:13 - United States

Today, a customer came in to the Walmart I cashier at, trying to set me up with her daughter. This isn't the first time she's tried. As she so graciously put it, her daughter "has a thing for the wimpy nerdy types". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 759

You deserved it 2 345

By Anonymous - 01/01/2016 07:03 - United States - Reno

Today, at the age of 20, I still have a bed time. It is strictly enforced by my cat via endless meows if I am up past 11 pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 964

You deserved it 4 591

By Anonymous - 10/10/2013 17:59 - United States - Wallingford

Today, while despairing over having been rejected for my dream job, I received an email asking me to come back in for another interview. Then they called me to say they accidentally sent the email to all the applicants, and that they definitely aren't interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 356

You deserved it 3 139

By uh-oh - 25/03/2012 05:49 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 517

You deserved it 3 710

By whathehell - 27/04/2013 08:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 043

You deserved it 3 622

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Top comments

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:05

That is so unfair. Don't loose your self respect for a job.

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:07

You don't want to work at a place like that anyways. You deserve a better job where they actually treat their employees with self respect.

Comments

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:05

That is so unfair. Don't loose your self respect for a job.

siggy_mcsigx 22

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 12:56

A woman can show some skin and still respect herself.... As long as it is her choice and not coercion from the management.

sweetnsourrr 11

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 13:35

#28 She didn't say showing skin your is disrespecting yourself...

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 16:36

Definitely unfair and grounds for wrongful termination. Your boss is a twat.

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 19:39

Op should have just popped her shirt open a little more

Fayern 13

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 20:21

She shouldn't have to in order to keep a job, #53.

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Thursday 5 March 2015 5:27

Usually grammar doesn't bother me but I have to know why some people are using "loose" instead of "lose"

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Thursday 5 March 2015 5:50

#68 I barely noticed that and it's bothering me too. oops

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Thursday 23 April 2015 21:01

#68 and #70 I think it's a joke about loose shirts being revealing... Or I assume it is.

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:05

well, they didn't have to be such a boob about it.

tzemmy 25

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:13

how does one be "such a boob"?

SPFINATOR1993 10

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:33

Why does this have negative votes????

Sky_High_Flying 16

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Thursday 5 March 2015 21:05

#10 Have you not watched Drake and Josh?

thatADHDdude 21

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Sunday 8 March 2015 21:49

#10 by repeating stuff for emphasis. EMPHASIS!

KinkyMissBinky 23

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:07

More like you got fired because they can't hande your choice to be modest.

PrimeEvilTahir 23

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 13:18

Exactly. If OP wanted to show boobs, she could've been a stripper not a waitress.

notsoanonymous3 20

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 13:47

Or work at Hooters...

SkullsRules1 26

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:07

Maybe you can go somewhere they respect you now :)

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:07

You don't want to work at a place like that anyways. You deserve a better job where they actually treat their employees with self respect.

Tthug 34

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 13:22

Self respect is your own opinion of yourself, not what your employer thinks. But I agree that it's no good to work at a place that doesn't respect you.

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 17:24

Whoops, you're right. I must have been typing too fast. At least you knew what my intentions were when saying it.

Llama_Man2000 26

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:07

That sucks OP but if those are the rules of working there then it's probably good you're not there any more.

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:08

Not showing them ENOUGH? Are you kidding me?

FALLENSEBZERO 16

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:09

Fuck them and their tits.

xChaos 29

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 12:14

Gladly.

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:11

You should show them your sexiest asset: your middle finger.

triplebeerox 27

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:13

you' d think that your friend would' ve told you about the boob rule before you applied so that you'd know what to expect...

Tthug 34

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Wednesday 4 March 2015 13:25

Maybe it was a friend she made on the job?

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Saturday 7 March 2015 7:27

Perhaps the friend was a cook or a male waiter, and since the rule didnt really apply to them it didn't occur to them to warn her?

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 101

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 250

You deserved it 92