Work: Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They... - FML

By miewann - United States - Mount Holly

Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked my friend who works there what really happened. Apparently not showing my boobs enough at a family place was grounds for dismissal. FML

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Mother of the year

Late term

Men and their balls

By wrongtarget - United States

Today, I got chewed out at work when my supervisor showed up, because my coworkers told my supervisor they couldn't find me for an hour and a half. Why couldn't they find me? Because they'd left to go get coffee. FML

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By Danielle Heichelbech - 8/11/2020 08:02 - United States

Chemical warfare

Today, my 28-year-old husband lifted one cheek, strained so hard I thought he'd shat himself, and screamed, "Fire one!" as he released from his ass a stench so awful all my eyebrows and eyelashes are now permanently curly. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2021 11:01 - Germany

No data for you

Today, I got my first Android phone. Being aware that they are somewhat inclined to collecting data about you, I was still surprised when I had to tell the eBay app, of all things, that it wasn't allowed to know how much I exercise. FML

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By Mewsmash - United States - Dublin

Today, my father told me he hasn't brushed his teeth for 30 years: he just wipes them with paper towels. I don't know whether to be horribly disgusted, or horribly jealous that he has never gotten a cavity. FML

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By Preggo - United States - Memphis

Today, I was food shamed by my boyfriend in front of an entire restaurant and his parents because my meal cost more than his. His mom chimed in saying her meal usually costs more than his step dad's too and not to be upset. I'm 8 months pregnant, of course mine costs more. FML

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By piper55

Today, for the first time in a month, I talked to someone in person besides my grandmother and my husband. It was a store clerk calling me "Miss" and asking if I was finding everything okay. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was in a hurry to get something out of the oven, so I quickly grabbed my roommate's only oven mitt and grabbed the pan in the oven. It didn't take long to figure out there was a hole in it when my thumb hit the hot pan. FML

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By notcool - United States

Today, I learned that my anxious and obsessive mother is going to drive three hours every weekend to attend a Johns Hopkins medical course on stress reduction. Why is this bad? I just left home for college and have enjoyed my last two weeks of freedom without her around. I attend Johns Hopkins. FML

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By SG - United States

Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a seductive way, only to roll deodorant under my armpits. FML

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By wellthatsucks - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months was showing me his new phone. He accidentally opened his gallery, which contains 3 photos: one of his motorcycle, one of his new game console, and a naked photo of his ex. FML

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By Disappointed - United States - Lexington

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. All I got was him stopping by for a quickie before he went into work. FML

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By Anonymous - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I found out via Instagram that my boyfriend didn't actually go to the Bahamas with his dad as he claimed. Not unless his dad lost weight, grew tits and long hair, and likes to make out with his son. They have no cellphone service, so I can't even call to break up with him. FML

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By failallday - Australia - Brisbane

Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

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By raven_of_azarath

Today, I found out my 15-year-old cat is having gas problems when she farted in my face. My mouth was open. FML

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By Oops - United States

Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated", thinking, "That really sucks." I said, "You must really suck." FML

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By edwinduarte1 - France

Today, I noticed that the walls of my apartment are ridiculously thin, when I heard my neighbor slowly walk up the stairs, slam the bathroom door, lift the toilet cover, take a pee and end with a nice "AAHH." FML

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By livinproof

Today, not only did my horse step on my foot & refuse to move, he also took the opportunity to crap on my other foot while I was incapable of moving. FML

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By Wellthisishawkward - United States

Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2021 23:01

That's a new one!

Today, I found out that the guy I was talking to for over a year, who told me he was dying from Covid, is perfectly fine and he just didn't want to talk to me anymore. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Booted

Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML

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By RowanBlossom - 7/7/2020 05:01

The lifescript

Today, I found out that my mother doesn’t visit me because I'm the only sibling without children. She posts all about her wonderful children on social media, but I'm left out. She hasn't set foot in my house since I moved out of hers. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to make up a story about my "friends" at school so my mom doesn't keep telling I'm a loser. FML

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By MollyMoodle7 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend bought me Kings of Leon tickets for my birthday. Since he thought I was irresponsible, he gave the tickets to his mum so I wouldn't lose them. The show is today, and we can't find the tickets. FML

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By Buggga - Australia

Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Bloomfield

Good boy

Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I started to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain popped off, I lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't moved. It was a statue. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

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By Deedee

Today, 15 minutes before the end of the day, my boss asked me who I was training to replace me. He then said never mind, that it was his job to choose someone. I hadn't indicated that I was planning on leaving the company. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the hospital to visit my aunt and her newborn baby. The receptionist gave me the room number, and I went and my aunt was in the bathroom so I cuddle the baby, only to find that the woman who came out of the bathroom was a complete stranger. I was holding her baby. FML

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By Toooldforthisshit - United States - New London

Today, I found out the girl my boyfriend was seeing just before me, is pregnant... FML

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By

Today, I found out I'm going to have to come into the office on yet another weekend to plow snow. This wouldn't be so bad, if I actually got paid to work weekends. FML

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By ShiriSarah - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a video of myself filmed last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming, "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" while naked. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

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By SomeExplainingToDo

Today, I sent a polite yet strongly-worded email to one of my corporate clients in which I expressed my irritation at being asked the same question by the same team for the 4th day in a row. I ended it with "Regards!" but accidentally swapped the 'g' with a 't'. FML

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By Peter

Today, while at work, I got fired because I was 'hitting' on my boss's wife who also works in the same company. Since when does 'asking for paper clips' mean 'hitting on'? FML

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By Thoughtless Wife

Today, my sister-in-law announced on Facebook that I did nothing for my husband's birthday. I'd just had major surgery, and I'm not allowed to drive or do much. We had a small party - just us and the kids - but didn't invite anyone over. I guess not inviting her meant we did nothing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend confessed his desire to have sex while I'm on my period. He calls it "bloody victory." FML

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By

Official meeting

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mother, seconds upon meeting me, gave me a hug, smiled at me, and said: "It's so nice to finally meet you! All I ever hear is 'Emma this', and 'Emma that', 'I love Emma!'. He never stops talking about you!" My name's not Emma. FML

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By Bear - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex and didn't even realize what they were doing until she shouted at him to go harder. FML

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By crazygirl - Canada

Today, I went to a work party where we had a Secret Santa. I gave a nice set of beer bottles with glasses. When my name was called I naturally picked the biggest gift. I got groceries. I now have dog food and men's body spray. I don't have a boyfriend or a dog. FML

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Top comments

By xwendifferx | 16

#6221028 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:05

That is so unfair. Don't loose your self respect for a job.

By shiffizzle | 13

#6221032 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:07

You don't want to work at a place like that anyways. You deserve a better job where they actually treat their employees with self respect.

COMMENTS

By xwendifferx | 16

#6221028 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:05

That is so unfair. Don't loose your self respect for a job.

Reply

siggy_mcsigx | 22

#6221216 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 12:56

A woman can show some skin and still respect herself....

As long as it is her choice and not coercion from the management.

Reply

sweetnsourrr | 11

#6221235 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 13:35

#28 She didn't say showing skin your is disrespecting yourself...

Reply

shessohighh | 10

#6221381 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 16:36

Definitely unfair and grounds for wrongful termination. Your boss is a twat.

Reply

klipper57 | 12

#6221510 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 19:39

Op should have just popped her shirt open a little more

Reply

Fayern | 13

#6221550 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 20:21

She shouldn't have to in order to keep a job, #53.

Reply

Ceecee9c | 10

#6221907 - Thursday 5 March 2015 5:27

Usually grammar doesn't bother me but I have to know why some people are using "loose" instead of "lose"

Reply

xwendifferx | 16

#6221920 - Thursday 5 March 2015 5:50

#68 I barely noticed that and it's bothering me too. oops

Reply

TallMist | 32

#6271183 - Thursday 23 April 2015 21:01

#68 and #70 I think it's a joke about loose shirts being revealing... Or I assume it is.

By Daelynn_17 | 19

#6221029 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:05

well, they didn't have to be such a boob about it.

Reply

tzemmy | 25

#6221038 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:13

how does one be "such a boob"?

Reply

SPFINATOR1993 | 10

#6221065 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:33

Why does this have negative votes????

Reply

Sky_High_Flying | 16

#6222484 - Thursday 5 March 2015 21:05

#10 Have you not watched Drake and Josh?

Reply

thatADHDdude | 21

#6225821 - Sunday 8 March 2015 21:49

#10 by repeating stuff for emphasis. EMPHASIS!

By KinkyMissBinky | 23

#6221030 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:07

More like you got fired because they can't hande your choice to be modest.

Reply

PrimeEvilTahir | 23

#6221222 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 13:18

Exactly. If OP wanted to show boobs, she could've been a stripper not a waitress.

Reply

notsoanonymous3 | 20

#6221241 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 13:47

Or work at Hooters...

By SkullsRules1 | 26

#6221031 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:07

Maybe you can go somewhere they respect you now :)

By shiffizzle | 13

#6221032 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:07

You don't want to work at a place like that anyways. You deserve a better job where they actually treat their employees with self respect.

Reply

Tthug | 34

#6221223 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 13:22

Self respect is your own opinion of yourself, not what your employer thinks. But I agree that it's no good to work at a place that doesn't respect you.

Reply

shiffizzle | 13

#6221418 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 17:24

Whoops, you're right. I must have been typing too fast. At least you knew what my intentions were when saying it.

By Llama_Man2000 | 26

#6221033 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:07

That sucks OP but if those are the rules of working there then it's probably good you're not there any more.

By MDoremis | 38

#6221034 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:08

Not showing them ENOUGH? Are you kidding me?

By FALLENSEBZERO | 16

#6221035 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:09

Fuck them and their tits.

Reply

xChaos | 29

#6221184 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 12:14

Gladly.

By rocketgurl | 15

#6221036 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:11

You should show them your sexiest asset: your middle finger.

By triplebeerox | 27

#6221039 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 8:13

you' d think that your friend would' ve told you about the boob rule before you applied so that you'd know what to expect...

Reply

Tthug | 34

#6221226 - Wednesday 4 March 2015 13:25

Maybe it was a friend she made on the job?

Reply

Setareh23 | 34

#6224138 - Saturday 7 March 2015 7:27

Perhaps the friend was a cook or a male waiter, and since the rule didnt really apply to them it didn't occur to them to warn her?