Today, I got a new cat. I tried to reenact the opening scene from Lion King, where in Simba gets held up for everyone to see. The fan was on when I lifted my cat up. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML
Today, I realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil. It decided to go get itself stuck in a tree. I tried to climb up to rescue it. But it kept climbing higher. I was about to grab the cat when I fell. The cat then jumped down and started purring. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I got a new cat for my birthday. It ate my bird right when we got home, then it ran away. FML
Today, I finally convinced my shy new cat to come out from under the bed and hang out with me on the couch. I felt like a true cat whisperer until, in the middle of petting her, she jumped up, knocked over my mug, and spilled hot cocoa all over my book. She then looked at me as if I was the one who messed up. FML
Today my cat watched me clean and refill his water bowls, then shoved his fresh-out-of-the-litter-box paw in my glass of water. FML
Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML
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Top comments
wowza_1 0
I created an account just to tell you that you're a dumbass.
cosmon 0
omg are you saying you decapitated your cat?
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Comments (42)
crystal25 0
stolen from MLIA http://mylifeisaverage.com/story.php?id=1079580
DoomJeff91 2
That doesn't necessarily mean it's stolen. The only connections are "possession of a cat" and "Re-enacting the Lion King." I mean, I do that on a daily basis.
themoonglows 0
there is no way to cut flesh with a fan. either it's moving so fast that whatever you hold up to it is knocked away, or it's so slow that the fan is stopped completely. the worse thing that could happen is that that you scared the shit out if your cat
ohmyword08 0
this sounds like something from mlia.
DreamTheater858 0
umm i just read somthing like this on mlia.
MrMcKeigue 0
FML? I say F the cat's L.