Today, I got a new cat. I tried to reenact the opening scene from Lion King, where in Simba gets held up for everyone to see. The fan was on when I lifted my cat up. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, trying to be funny in front of some friends, I held my cat above my head Lion King style. The height must have made him nervous, because he shat on my head. FML
Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML
Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML
Today, I realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil. It decided to go get itself stuck in a tree. I tried to climb up to rescue it. But it kept climbing higher. I was about to grab the cat when I fell. The cat then jumped down and started purring. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I got a new cat for my birthday. It ate my bird right when we got home, then it ran away. FML
Today, I finally convinced my shy new cat to come out from under the bed and hang out with me on the couch. I felt like a true cat whisperer until, in the middle of petting her, she jumped up, knocked over my mug, and spilled hot cocoa all over my book. She then looked at me as if I was the one who messed up. FML
Today my cat watched me clean and refill his water bowls, then shoved his fresh-out-of-the-litter-box paw in my glass of water. FML
Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML
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Top comments
wowza_1 0
I created an account just to tell you that you're a dumbass.
cosmon 0
omg are you saying you decapitated your cat?
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Comments (42)
bethechange_fml 0
God, people like you shouldnt have pets
lizzzie_fml 0
You've managed to be both a genius and an idiot in once instant. Well done.
Whatevers_clever 0
Oh my Godddd ;(( thats horrible
GR3453m0nk3y 4
this is one of those instances that i wish there was a "you ******* dumbass" button
stain33319 0
NICE!!! Meouch
Ligerie 0
Meouch?! That is sooo cute!
paivarotti 0
i'd like to see the lolcat image macro of that. Suggestions for what the text should be?
iFruit 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Holy **** you mother ******* ****** what the **** happened to your poor ******* cat I hope you never ever ever ******* reproduce because we have enough ******* retards in the ******* universe. I hope they lock you up in some ******* place that's far, far away from the rest of the ******* world so you can't do anymore harm to ******* innocent creatures. ****!
Lyfiar 0
flippin' heck that's upset me for the rest of the night, the thought of you decapitating your cat O_O
bellatrix_hale 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You are a failure. I cannot believe someone could be that stupid and hurtful. If the cat died, I hope you burn in a very unpleasant place for a very long time. Anyone that abuses an animal deserves things that I cannot mention.
Darksect0r13 0
I think this might be stolen from MLIA... http://mylifeisaverage.com/story.php?id=1079580
mrdblq 6
6 feet and I can put my hands above the blades of my ceiling fan, they can be dangerously low.