Today, I found out while skiing that my dad likes to call me Pimple because I have a pink coat and white helmet. He has tried to squeeze me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML
Today, I was talking to my parents when all of a sudden my dad started freaking out and asking my mom how I got this really bad allergy on my face. My mom just laughed, and then I had to explain to him that it was just my acne. The worst part is that he was dead serious the whole time. FML
Today, I was watching my 2-year-old sister in the bathtub. As she was splashing, she stopped, and pointed at the "owie" on my head. I told her it was okay, and that it was just a pimple. She said, "Wow, you have a lot of pimples!" FML
Today, for some reason, my amazing dad told me to slide down towards a pole on a car tire while tobogganing down a hill and I hit the tire, consequently getting hurt in the head. I love my dad but something must've gone wrong that day. FML
Today, at a mixed-family game of rugby, my dad resorted to calling me a "goddamned accident" and eventually body-slamming me, just so I'd stop playing long enough for his team to score. FML
Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML
Today, a little girl pointed to the acne on my face and said to her dad, "Look at how many mosquito bites she has on her face!" FML
Today, my mom tagged me in a picture on Facebook. It's a very zoomed in picture of a zit that had just recently erupted on my face. The caption is "My baby's biggest zit yet!" FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
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Top comments
FMLandurstoo 9
I like to squeeze things!
DocBastard 40
You are suggesting she does this to her father? You are a disturbed individual. No seriously, get help. Now.
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Comments (115)
fishface517 10
I don't wanna go to the preparation room! 0-0
jrsylilballer6 7
Very creative troll dad
fuxxx_fml 0
In wonder what he's call you if you had a white cost and a pink helmet
thatsmylyfe 13
a nipple??
bubblepaarty 5
you should call him "ashole" & try to kick him.
Hockeyboy4280 18
What's an ashole?
aantho_fml 0
The person above this comment.
geon_olam 17
its a technical term for the tip of a cigarette before you shake off the burnt part
Savra_fml 17
If he is not a good skier, and a little uncoordinated, call him spastic in return. OP at bar "Oh no, that's just my dad. He's spastic" You could have some fun with this OP.
DocBastard 40
Be glad you don't have a white coat with a pink hat. Just imagine what nickname he would call you then.
live2swim 5
Wow way to copy # 20
perdix 31
Aw, that's kinda cute. If he called you Uncircumcised Albino and tried to jack you off, that would be creepy!
twilightluvr101 4
Lmao only u
ChaosAngel17 14
Well did it work?
hartrum 0
Pop where's the puss come out of
MoNnEy_MiiTE 3
Well depends if OP is a girl ima need her to drop her pants but if its a boy ill just say to **** of
hartrum 0
O ya
ty1992_farmlife 12
He's jus joking around, no harm done. You the colors that way, you had it coming.