Health: Today, we were playing a game at work where whenever someone... - FML

By PunctureWound - 10/10/2010 00:57 - Canada

Today, we were playing a game at work where whenever someone is in the washroom, we throw a 2 inch lug nut at the door because it makes a huge bang and scares whoever is in there. I was just opening the door to exit when someone threw the nut. It hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 756

You deserved it 28 677

The smell detective is on the case

EXPLAIN YOURSELF!

Not you

Entitled bitch

By das_shizzle - 02/05/2020 05:00

Today, after telling a student that she had to take the online test on the date that I had assigned, she whined to the vice president of the college, who then told my dean that he needed to do something about it. She made me offer testing days on multiple dates. So much for integrity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 622

You deserved it 211

By lifesuck - 19/09/2010 14:11 - United States

Today, while at a local river, I had been pulled underwater by a very fast and strong current. While fighting for my life, I had let go of my sandals so I could pull myself up. After explaining to my mom what had happened to me, her response was "YOU LOST YOUR SANDALS!?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 474

You deserved it 3 749

Natural history

By latino - 11/11/2010 11:30 - United States

Today, at the museum I volunteer at, I was touching some of the things in the exhibit where you can feel what natural boobs and testes feel like. I started rolling the "boob" like a stress ball and forgot where I was. When I realized people were staring, it became very awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 531

You deserved it 43 620

By Username - 18/10/2010 15:52 - France

Today, I was woken by the news that my car had been found, but was completely destroyed due to a fire. I didn't even know my car was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 117

You deserved it 2 907

By Anonymous - 23/12/2014 21:48 - United States - Gainesville

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend slept with my sister. "Accidentally", apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 452

You deserved it 3 875

By ipayyourbillsgorramit - 24/08/2012 23:29 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, after getting home from a twelve-hour shift at work, I got into bed and passed out. My mother soon woke me up, screaming that she could tell I was "fake sleeping" and ignoring her lecture on how I need to stop being so "lazy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 345

You deserved it 1 896

By nhyari - 25/08/2014 18:58 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 051

You deserved it 4 140

By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 19:57 - Canada

Spicy

Today, in the middle of having sex, my boyfriend of two years got a call. After taking the call, he said, "It's an emergency," and that he has to go. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me is wife is going into labour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 914

You deserved it 5 890

By Noname - 30/10/2008 05:55 - France

Today, I've just lost over £12,000 and it's not even halfway through the trading day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 992

You deserved it 8 707

By loveurlifejk - 28/12/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 538

You deserved it 2 108

By Takegami - 15/12/2018 17:30

Today. I had my first final exam. That would be fine if I hadn’t gotten sick 4 days ago. No one can go get my antibiotics, I feel like I’m dying and I can’t miss these exams under any circumstance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 469

You deserved it 174

By KamiAzaaaaaa - 11/12/2015 16:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I found out my credit card was maxed out to the penny, all thanks to purchases made on an online wine store. Apparently my mother was thirsty enough to steal from her own son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 709

You deserved it 1 537

By Sam - 21/05/2009 02:17 - Canada

Today, I ordered more memory and a new hard drive for my computer. I can't remember the last time I was this excited about something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 907

You deserved it 8 720

Out of the mouth of babes...

By DEE - 26/07/2018 15:00

Today, while I was getting ready for the day, my 5-year-old daughter looked at me and said, "Mom, maybe you should do some gymnastics today. Your legs look bigger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 707

You deserved it 448

By Jeepers - 29/06/2009 14:30 - United Kingdom

Today, after playing in an online casino, I won £200. Being pretty tight for cash at the moment I was pretty excited. I then tried to withdraw it to be told that I can't have a penny of it because I didn't register my card details first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 080

You deserved it 41 765

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 00:44 - United States

Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 991

You deserved it 2 787

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 11:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my sister stopped by to visit me with her pet bird in tow. She asked me to hold the animal while she went to the toilet, and put it on my shoulder. It promptly shat on my only clean shirt and tore away a good deal of skin from my hand when I tried to get it off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 302

You deserved it 2 551

By not even a sexy bushfire - 25/10/2012 16:27 - Australia - Kelmscott

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a romantic date to a botanical garden in the hills. A giant bushfire erupted in the hills on our way, meaning we're now stuck out here because the roads are closed. So romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 721

You deserved it 2 473

By Fire_Princess16 - 17/10/2017 04:20

Today, my boyfriend managed to convince me that Australia was called a penal colony because all the prisoners were men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 3 036

By xBubbles38 - 18/07/2011 15:17 - United States

Today, I woke up to a scream downstairs. My 13 year-old daughter was trying to bite her little brother's neck. No matter how hard I try, she will not believe that she is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a vampire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 860

You deserved it 6 252

You can count on it

By amie - 11/08/2009 08:43 - Canada

Today, my mom said that we needed to have a family meeting because of all the issues that have been going on with our family. My mom, sister and I sat down and began to talk about everything. As I started to cry, my sister looks at my mom and says, "I win!" She bet my mom $20 that I would cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 083

You deserved it 7 976

By bridezilla - 05/07/2009 04:12 - Canada

Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 415

You deserved it 6 830

Burn

By Swedishsummer - 08/05/2016 21:54 - Sweden - Floda

Today, we finally got some signs of summer in Sweden and I went to hang out in the sun with some friends. I was wearing sunglasses so I only put sunscreen on my nose and forehead. I now have a dick-shaped area in my face where I didn't completely burn my face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 309

You deserved it 5 490

By ivyleaguebabe - 03/06/2009 21:48 - United States

Today, my sister asked me to help her set up for my niece's birthday party. Being the lazy person that I am, I got my niece to blow up the non-helium balloons. Apparently she's allergic to latex and I'll be the one paying for the hospital bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 731

You deserved it 59 867

By bandcamp926 - 05/01/2010 01:02 - United States

Today, after the two week winter break, I went back to school to find that the bookbag that I'd left in my car was covered in some creepy, pink gooey stuff. Under the freezing conditions, my lotion had exploded all over my notes and bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 316

You deserved it 22 624

By lynnie - 23/10/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, I had to come up with a reward system for getting my boyfriend to brush his teeth daily. He's 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 019

You deserved it 6 053

By bym - 13/10/2008 08:23

Today, I got braces fitted. For the next two years, I'll be the most handsome guy on earth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 595

You deserved it 24 464

By I'm disgusting - 26/05/2019 22:11

Today, my girlfriend caught me using my T-shirt as a tissue. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 3 074

By mother of piggies - 04/04/2018 15:00

Today, I learnt that my guinea pig can shoot poop across the room like a tiny brown torpedo. How did I find this out? It landed in my coffee. It wasn't until after I'd finished my coffee that I noticed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 021

You deserved it 396

By Anonymous - 02/03/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, my family made a fake boyfriend for me on Facebook, since it's been so long since I had one. I accepted the relationship request to try and trick people into thinking I actually had a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 826

You deserved it 29 385

Friday, baby!

By jack - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - France - Ajaccio

Today, I tried inviting the girl I like out to dinner. She replied, "Sorry, I already have plans." I asked her what they were, and she said, "I don’t know yet, but I’ll think of something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 604

You deserved it 2 368

By Anonymous - 06/08/2014 16:57 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my husband told his parents that he was quitting his job so that he could focus on school. They asked him what he was going to do for money. When I told them that I'd be the one working, they took one look at me and burst into laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 358

You deserved it 4 307

By Zak - 03/04/2009 02:12 - United States

Today, I was in an audition for a production at this theater in town. The directors at the table loved my audition. One of them said "I'd love to talk to you about coming to TCU." I said "Oh, yeah! I know Harry Parker at TCU who runs the theater department." I said this to Harry Parker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 637

You deserved it 91 648

By OptMouse - 14/04/2015 11:50 - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, my supervisor forced me to bring the image of a failed simulation to the group meeting, because he thought it looked funny. So did the others and it's now going on our webpage. I have to provide a scientific description of how I made a mistake in my code. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 673

You deserved it 2 783

By SpaceAstronaut - 28/12/2009 21:42 - United States

Today, I decided to take a nap while listening to my iPod, on the lowest volume possible. My girlfriend woke me up by turning the volume all the way up. I still can't hear out of both ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 721

You deserved it 5 206

By facepalm - 02/05/2019 00:00

Today, my son won’t stop crying, all because I told him he couldn’t go trick-or-treating in April. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 218

Good morals, you say?

By ELinDawk - 31/08/2021 01:01

Today, I think I found the person I feel is my soulmate while I was in Montana this past weekend. My friend’s wife’s best friend. She was perfect, same sense of humor, same sarcasm, good morals, and absolutely gorgeous. I was struck. And then I received a text message from my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 2 279

Dust in the wind

By Anonymous - 15/05/2021 13:59 - New Zealand

Today, I went to withdraw some money out the bank. On a windy day. Next minute, woosh, my money was gone. My last $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 190

Expanding universe

By JessicaandGhazi - 26/05/2020 20:00

Today, I told my BFF that I went to the store to buy medium shirts because I had gained some weight during coronavirus. He asked me, "What's the point in doing that when you're getting so fat, those wont even fit in 2 weeks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 499

You deserved it 324

By skitzobiatch69 - 13/09/2011 17:07 - Australia

Today, after being cut out of the car, on the way to hospital in the ambulance, we were involved in another accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 560

You deserved it 2 372

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Top comments

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:10

YDI for playing kiddy games at your workplace.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:11

better your face then your nuts?

Comments

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:10

YDI for playing kiddy games at your workplace.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:16

that's what happens

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:17

You all deserve to be fired for fooling around. OP, you deserve to be laughed at, humiliated, then fired>:D

LoganBballin16 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:18

holly crap!! that guy is nuts!!

Bcaw 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:20

do you by any chance live in north Korea?

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:40

what goes around comes around.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:47

You're angry!

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:59

Picnics are gay.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 11:44

seems like something that would be on the office.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 14:09

I don't think Dwight would allow that for very long though....

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Sunday 10 October 2010 15:39

Lol nuts hitting faces = messed up version of teabagging. XD

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Sunday 10 October 2010 16:44

Holy duckfuck that asshole's got balls!

MadPercussion 0

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Monday 11 October 2010 1:38

That's awesome. We always do crazy stuff like this at my work.

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Monday 11 October 2010 8:05

85- nice referance, CREEP ASS.

allforthetaking 0

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Tuesday 12 October 2010 9:34

does your the whole office sit in front of a bathroom?

msuniversforevr 0

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Tuesday 12 October 2010 11:05

*Nelson voice* HAHA!

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:11

better your face then your nuts?

Kurg 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:21

seriously

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Sunday 10 October 2010 11:01

2 win!

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Sunday 10 October 2010 19:18

agreed.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:11

ydi !! get back to work before i fire every single one of you clowns .

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:12

So somebody's nuts hit you in the face? Ok.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 17:51

It probably isn't the first time...

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:12

haha omg! that's terrible OP but at the same time very funny. maybe since someone got hurt they will stop.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:50

I swear nikkibeez every time I see you on fml commenting there is always some guy replying with a comment that says "you're hot".

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:56

She's not going to suck your cock, dude.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 10:25

schmoookin hot ;) nikki not the angry black dude lol

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Sunday 10 October 2010 11:45

haha ffml you cockblocker.

mooshibear140 4

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Sunday 10 October 2010 14:52

#5 I doubt it. :P Humans these days don't give a shot when people get hurt, they'll continue playing anyways.

mooshibear140 4

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Sunday 10 October 2010 14:53

*shit stupid autocorrector... :(

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Sunday 10 October 2010 15:50

yes, everyone realises you have boobs, people like you shit me, oops, they 'accidently' got in the picture, SKANK.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 20:31

thanks cause if I wanted to do a boob shot I would have done so. keep your comments to yourself if you don't have anything useful to say.

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Monday 11 October 2010 12:05

Nikki, that isn't how men work. If someone gets hurt they'll just keep playing.

shortstack104 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:14

lol you got hit in the face with nuts xD

Flaming_Pandas 15

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Sunday 24 August 2014 7:01

You should have done the responsible thing and thrown it back harder.

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:14

YDI

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:16

man the door on a cubicle is like 3 foot wide, u must have had opened it at superspeed to let them get a clean shot and before they realized the door was opening

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Monday 11 October 2010 5:02

it was the bathroom

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:23

In soviet russia, lug nut lugs you!

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Sunday 10 October 2010 10:57

lol nice

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Sunday 10 October 2010 9:26

15th!

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Sunday 10 October 2010 14:13

15th? Really? I don't even understand why people get stoked over "1st," but 15th?

anonymous0326 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 15:06

you're 16th.

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 17

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 148

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 408

You deserved it 101