Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
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Top comments
Murn 0
That cat is a hero.
frenchmanfresh_fml 5
Genius cat !
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Comments (522)
kitkatmiaow 21
Please don't put your kitty down ): They surely can't make you! What harm can he really have done anyway. Leave your Mrs to your 'friend' and pay the bill if need be to get him off your back! But they can't make you put your kitty down ):
areanii 0
**** the wife, kill the dude, and keep the cat. Its his fault for beinqq najed in youur bed anyway.
Emileerzz 1
The cat died for a good cause.
Dam1tcartman101 0
f that! I'm not paying for the surgery
aron33 2
wtf? Don't kill the cat you idiot, you should slap your wife for being a *****, your friend deserved it too. Why should you kill the ******* cat? If I were you I would get seriously pissed off hurt her and him and take the cat with you. She cheated on you and then asked you to kill an innocent animal, your companion, and pay for it.
alig93 0
say your cat thought he was attacking her. the cat doesn't deserve to die..
supahnazi 0
he is being forced to by law. just like if a dog attacks u u can order it to be put down
iBookFlippa 2
your friends ass hole he should pay for his ******* surgery and you should keep tour cat the prick deserved it and the cat is ******* ninja-level awesome
hideyoself 4
omg you're cat is/was the new chuck norris
Bobby64 29
The poor cat... And the poor OP, too.