Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Murn 0
That cat is a hero.
frenchmanfresh_fml 5
Genius cat !
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (522)
anna259831 0
Aww no :( dont kill the cat kill Ur friend
AdobeAlf 2
Wtf. You have to kill the cat for no GOOD reason, Just give your cat to someone else BTW your wife is a b*tch Oh and i hope your friend's penis is damaged enough so he can never have sex again.
skyeyez9 25
OP, I will keep your cat for you until you feel it is safe to return him. I am allergic to cats, but would keep him anyways. If not, i'd ask one of my friends! Send an email to me from the fml website! I live in Colorado.
saveyourcat 0
That is a nice offer skyeyez
Shinygirlnz 1
There has to be a way around putting your cat down. I can't imagine any court enforcing this... God, as if you don't already have enough to deal with. Good luck.
saveyourcat 0
I made an account just to ask you to save your cat.... please leave it at a friends, be resourceful.
Grand_Cookie 21
you should stuff it and put it outside his house.
Peasanthunter_fml 0
I wouldn't kill that cat. You do not come across awesome cats that often.
Peasanthunter_fml 0
In russia balls rip cat!
MlKAYLA 0
You should sew the balls on your wife's forehead ( Or his. ) .
cul8r 4
Don't put down the cat!!! Defend your only real friend (as it seems to be the case) to the last.