Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Murn 0
That cat is a hero.
frenchmanfresh_fml 5
Genius cat !
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (522)
picturescrazy 24
If your wife was cheating on you, why should you have to pay for the dude's medical bills?? And try to find a way around having to put your awesome cat down ):
fraqtl 1
you totally need to throw your cat a massive human funeral with the money you were going to spend on her for the next couple years. eulogies about loyal friends, the works.
fraqtl 1
oh, and then have a guy in a cat costume serve her the divorce papers
Proud_vegetarian 0
stash the
ScrabbleBabe2010 0
Ok so Today your cat mauled a guy because he probably thought he was hurting your wife
AstroChameleon 3
NO! Kill that sleazy ************ of a "friend", not the cat! What a bunch of shit! I hope he dies in a fire and you and your cat get to watch.
sallen0046 4
Uh, no. You don't need to do either of those things. What you need to do is get a good lawyer.
jadiyy 3
Wtf! The cat's a hero. Don't kill it! You don't have to pay for his medical bill either. Does he really have that good of an argument? It only happened cuz your wife was cheating on you. He's not your friend.
LOLSWAT 0
hide the cat in a hotel for pets, pay cash. tell ppl it ran off. its still loyal to you. divorse that bitch and take everything she has. move far and have a friend pick ur cat and bring it to you.
nachukas 0
you have to put your cat to sleep for that ******? if i were you i'd probably beat the **** out of both my spouse and the one they've been cheating with... **** humans.
darklight549 2
Why the hell would you have to kill your fluffy companion? He was trying to protect your wife....