Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
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Top comments
Murn 0
That cat is a hero.
frenchmanfresh_fml 5
Genius cat !
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Comments (522)
Lizz7 0
I also think it wasn't sarcastic, but I do appreciate the bit about having everyone castrated. Except maybe OP and of course the kitty. >^.^<
ManaUser 0
KIll the cat? WTF? Wouldn't it be more traditional to kill your wife?
BossHawg254 0
wtf r u guna pay that shit for?? keep that awsome cat and get a divorce or r u that much of a puss??
Ketia 5
why the hell would have to kill your cat?? he protected your honor against your ***** wife and "friend". its not like it had rabies and randomly attacks people. plus there is way in hell you are liable for the "friends" medical bills. if anything it comes out of the ****** money!
Hotpants30 0
Sorry. Divorce her and don't pay. :(
stevenmx86 8
Don't kill the cat! Say he shouldn't have been banging your wife and that he deserves worse than what he got. This situation really sucks op but I think if you man up a little it could turn out a lot better. I don't know the law but I can't imagine a guy committing a crime himself has much basis for any kind of law suit against you.
translat0r 2
that cat's a bamf
Drummer389000 0
don't do shit. make him pay it himself and keep the cat.
lizliz23 0
i personally hate cats butt allright fluffy
noellemikayla29 0
That douche totally deserved that! and your wife definitely shouldn't be your wife anymore. that cat should be your best friend