Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
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Top comments
Murn 0
That cat is a hero.
frenchmanfresh_fml 5
Genius cat !
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Comments (522)
shu87 0
Loooool I like ur cat ,, I wish if she attacked ur wife too
angel55033 12
couldn't that maybe be self defense in a way since he was an intruder? I guess it depends on the wife and whatnot, there has to be a way to make it work
BSMITTY16 0
keep the cat, leave the girl. end of discussion.
TokyoKid47 3
He deserves his balls getting torn >:D
Calyx_fml 22
OP, don't be a pussy and kill your cat.
ILoveJei 0
What the hell? Pets are as much a part of a family as kids are. Sure, people who hate animals say that they aren't, but my dog means a ******* lot t me, you can't just put your animal down like it's nothing.
xTw1zt3dx 0
keep the cat :) it rawkz
deerescu 1
I cannot believe that. and you are the owner so I understand. but yes if I were you I would end it.
dynamic164 4
Your cat is awesome and you should divorce that b*tch and hand her the bill. that sucks that the cat has to die though :(
RayeofSunshine 0
Keep the cat, divorce the bitch, don't pay for the "friend" (if he hadn't been screwing your wife wouldn't have happened in the first place).
Inspired22 11
How can that be legal?! He was trespassing! My friend had an order to put her dog down when he bit a trespasser, and she never did. Just keep your kitty. No one has to know. :-)