Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on...

By Funyearahead - 08/08/2016 12:44 - United States - Red Bank

Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on the floor, let ants crawl all over it, and eats it. Ants and all. FML

agreeclassic 15 709

vote type 1 956

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Gotta have it

By kp. - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML

agreeclassic 8 998

vote type 1 59 212

By obsequiousfannyflapper - 10/02/2013 23:13 - Netherlands - Zwijndrecht

Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML

agreeclassic 32 142

vote type 1 2 990

Yummy

By ohnolunch - 05/03/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, so I made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informed me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML

agreeclassic 46 765

vote type 1 15 990

By Becoming a commuter. - 04/09/2012 17:14 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML

agreeclassic 32 942

vote type 1 2 117

By D: - 06/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

agreeclassic 50 426

vote type 1 3 903

By ant_hater - 28/08/2011 18:18 - United States

Today, a colony of ants announced that they'd moved into my bedroom closet as I went to get dressed for work. FML

agreeclassic 23 645

vote type 1 2 532

By TheRoad42 - 20/08/2013 12:54 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, when I got back to my dorm, I found a trail of ants trying to shove a dead roach into a power outlet. The front desk insists that there is no pest problem. FML

agreeclassic 46 746

vote type 1 2 735

By floggingnasty - 13/02/2011 11:38 - United States

Today, I got a new roommate in the dorms. When I got back to my room, I could smell her feet before I even opened my door. FML

agreeclassic 36 866

vote type 1 2 840

Queen

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 15:34 - United States

Today, I found thousands of ants in a secret nest in an unused corner of my apartment. They were feeding on the baking mix I forgot in a box from moving in two months ago, and the queen has been laying her eggs on my wireless router. FML

agreeclassic 28 741

vote type 1 16 276

By SinkyBalls - 30/08/2011 03:56 - Canada

Today, I found out my roommate thinks the sink is an appropriate place to wash his junk. FML

agreeclassic 27 714

vote type 1 2 828

MDoremis 38

Tuesday 9 August 2016 9:49

Mmm, protein.

sparkledoge 29

Tuesday 9 August 2016 10:05

I didn't know Bear Grylls had a roommate !

Comments

samlovesham1234 9

Wednesday 10 August 2016 0:27

Oh gross! I just threw up in my mouth a little.

tomvertigo 17

Wednesday 10 August 2016 4:52

Let me guess: Craigslist?

oxomocchioxo 9

Wednesday 10 August 2016 7:04

Who is your roommate?! They need psychiatric help.

protoskore 27

Wednesday 10 August 2016 8:06

it might be a case of Pica

sae2011 5

Thursday 11 August 2016 21:40

.....but why???

Universe_Kat_47 4

Tuesday 23 August 2016 9:09

sounds like protein candy

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Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML

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vote type 1 310

Today, I was spacing out in French class and randomly got an erection. My professor called on me to stand up at the front of the room and say, "I am wearing a belt," in French. Not everyone was observing just my belt. FML

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Today, after days of constipation, I gave myself an enema to clear out the obstruction. My girlfriend has decided that I'm secretly gay and will not change her mind. She's already told her friends, who now want to take me shoe shopping. FML

agreeclassic 502

vote type 1 102

Today, I hired out a motel room so I could stay there by myself and lie to my mother and grandmother about having friends. This is the third time. FML

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Today, I was so tired at work that I typed out "wherehouse" instead of "warehouse" in a document shared with my co-workers. It took me several seconds to realize why the heck the spell checker had underlined "wherehouse" in red. FML

agreeclassic 518

vote type 1 202

Today, I was on a friend's trampoline trying to convince my mom that trampolines are safe and we should get one. While telling her, I smashed my knee into my face. I jumped off bleeding, slipped, hit my head on the trampoline, and got knocked unconscious. FML

agreeclassic 45 476

vote type 1 35 063

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Gotta have it

Yummy

Queen

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