Miscellaneous: Today, I found out that my entire school differentiates me from...

By Anonymous - 28/08/2010 23:40 - United States

Today, I found out that my entire school differentiates me from another girl in my grade with the same name by saying "No, she's the lesbian one." I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 547

You deserved it 3 077

Miscellaneous

You tried

Empathy lives

Late term

By Veryfunny - 23/02/2012 23:52 - Australia

Today, I came back from a holiday and the friend who'd been looking after my cats returned my spare key. When I wanted to put some relaxing music on, I noticed that he'd switched most of my CDs around in their cases. I have over a thousand of them. Very funny, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 307

You deserved it 4 562

By Anonymous - 11/11/2012 10:26 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, after finally falling asleep, my boyfriend woke me up and got extremely mad at me. My offense? My pillow was touching his side of the bed. After yelling at me, he's now sleeping on the couch, and I'm lying in bed wide awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 454

You deserved it 3 108

By quick blow - 16/05/2012 02:53 - United States

Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 833

You deserved it 7 311

By fsfs - 17/08/2013 16:27 - Germany - Kiel

Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 505

You deserved it 5 136

Whooped

By leah - 16/10/2019 22:00

Today, I was standing in the shower drying off when my sister came in the bathroom. She must have thought I was a burglar because she hit the shower curtain and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 124

By Janie - 10/01/2012 05:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend changed his relationship status on Facebook to "Single" and his status to "I'm not kidding, leave your key on the counter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 468

You deserved it 4 003

Sharing is caring

By Infested Girlfriend - 30/04/2020 05:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my boyfriend and I are so close that we share everything. This now includes his head lice. Thanks, dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 367

You deserved it 262

You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone

By Lonely - 05/12/2020 07:58 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my only daughter and her boyfriend sat me down for an important talk. I was thrilled, thinking they were engaged or pregnant. They actually wanted to tell me they're moving half way around the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 132

By Anonymous - 20/03/2013 19:45 - United States - Piscataway

Today, we had to re-live sex ed in my college biology class. Unlike in middle school, nobody giggled incessantly. However, the guy sitting next to me stared at me intensely for nearly the whole three hour lecture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 790

You deserved it 3 421

By Anonymous - 26/11/2014 16:42 - United States - Flushing

Today, what few friends I have won't talk to me anymore. My ex told them she dumped me because I abused her. I never abused her. What really happened is that she dumped me in a rage after I refused to give her money for drugs. Nobody's even asked for my side of the story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 442

You deserved it 2 784

By single - 08/08/2015 06:23 - United States - Houston

Today, my psycho ex crashed a date with my girlfriend. She acted like we were still together and made a big show of dumping me for cheating on her. My actual girlfriend bought it hook line and sinker. Now I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 662

You deserved it 1 987

By inked - 05/02/2012 05:54 - United States

Today, I showed off my new tattoo to my friends. Too bad it says "Walk Earless" now instead of "Walk Fearless." That's right, I'm now supporting Van Gogh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 349

You deserved it 31 163

By Anonymous - 25/05/2016 16:38 - United States - Astoria

Today, a stranger nearly beat the crap out of my boyfriend for being a pedo. I ended up showing the guy my driving license to prove I'm not a pre-teen and that I'm just freakishly young looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 390

You deserved it 980

By Anonymous - 20/12/2012 21:49 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at my new job, some juvenile cockbite spiked my food with a laxative, as part of some kind of bizarre hazing ritual. The bastard got ratted out and suspended, but my arsehole now feels like it's been blown apart by a nuclear warhead. I thought this shit only happened in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 351

You deserved it 6 519

By Anonymous - 07/04/2011 17:32 - United States

Today, four hours before a test, I received an email from my professor saying that the test had been canceled. When I checked my email again before bed, I found another email from my professor saying that his email had been hacked and the test was was still on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 253

You deserved it 3 794

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 01:22 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got stopped by people asking for donations for their charity services. Being who I am, I hate saying no to people, so I told them "I don't have any money, only my card." Did you know they also accept payment by card? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 056

You deserved it 7 341

By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 09:00 - United States - Fall City

Today, two days before a big weight lifting competition with a $3,000 grand prize, I broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 490

You deserved it 676

By alrightsheryl - 28/03/2009 16:40 - United States

Today, is my 18th birthday. I call my parents and they tell me they found weed in the guest house and so they called my boarding school to drug test me. It wasn't my weed. They didn't even say "Happy Birthday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 508

You deserved it 4 882

Martha Lucy Queen Jr.

By Teacher - 26/02/2017 04:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I asked students to identify a woman that made a difference in history. I got several people answering Martin Luther King Jr. These are 9th graders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 864

You deserved it 506

By notthatkinkyanyway - 13/11/2011 12:46 - China

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 486

You deserved it 6 359

By t.hughes - 01/04/2013 14:50 - United States

Today, my fiancé dumped me because he claimed he needed to "focus on his career and his engagement." When I asked him how dumping me would help with his engagement, he immediately replied with, "No, I mean my other one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 585

You deserved it 3 676

By idiot says "you raised him" - 31/05/2014 21:30 - Canada - Barrie

Today, my son got in serious trouble after he was caught trying to sell weed to people in the street. The good news is that the "weed" was just actual weeds he'd pulled from our lawn. The bad news is that at age 16, my son is too stupid to know the difference. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 114

You deserved it 7 951

By lbailey32 - 04/02/2014 01:30 - United States - Seneca Falls

Today, my boyfriend decided the best way to inform me of his shoplifting tendencies was to steal stuff while we were at Starbucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 229

You deserved it 4 447

By Anonymous - 12/08/2015 02:23 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I pushed all the way in. She said, "Stop teasing me, put everything in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 099

You deserved it 4 483

By fmylifebadddd - 18/04/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, was my birthday. My friends love to play pranks on me. So when I entered the door for my surprise party, I became aware of the surroundings. There was nothing. Everyone was staring as I slowly entered the room. When I closed the door behind me, a freaking bucket of pee fell all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 051

You deserved it 5 700

By Byron fiddles - 24/02/2009 11:57 - Hungary

Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so I go to skip it but accidentally unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 989

You deserved it 56 540

By verbaltodomestic - 08/09/2013 19:31 - United States - La Crosse

Today, I took my girlfriend to a public place before confessing that I've been seeing another woman, to avoid a dramatic scene. After being rushed to the hospital with a concussion and broken nose, I think it's safe to say my plan didn't go very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 888

You deserved it 110 984

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

By Anonymous - 11/11/2020 11:02 - United States - Kenton

Today, I had a family reunion and there were a lot of people there that I didn't know. The person that I'd been sleeping with for about 7 months showed up. He's my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 265

By mikmak - 20/12/2015 13:26 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I had fallen asleep in the back of a friend's car on the way home from a night out. When I woke up, they were in the middle of a full-on make out session. I had to pretend to be asleep for 20 minutes until they decided to "wake me up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 490

You deserved it 3 095

Indebted without work

By Anonymous - 03/11/2019 20:30

Today, my husband has to quit his job. 5 months ago, we paid a deposit on a section for our brand new house and the title and mortgage need to be finalized next week. His work is forcing him out because he wanted to do his job safely and to a high standard of workmanship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 965

You deserved it 177

By Anonymous - 28/08/2015 06:39 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, after missing college for a week due to illness, I found out my "friends" were bullshitting me about us having to write an important no-extension Biology essay. Copious amounts of my sweat, snot and tears went into that desperation-fueled nightmare. Thanks, dickheads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 932

You deserved it 2 582

By Anonymous - 28/02/2013 07:19 - United States - Portland

Today, I found that someone had paid off my $16,500 student loan. I was so excited that I called my family and posted on Facebook about how awesome it was. Then I called the loan company and found out that they had just sold my loan to another company; no one had actually paid it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 422

You deserved it 14 136

By ewwww - 26/05/2013 17:55 - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I found out where the mysterious bites on my back keep coming from. It's not every day you find an earwig in your loofah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 515

You deserved it 4 298

By Anonymous - 06/07/2011 23:43 - United States

Today, my friends staged an intervention. I'm not on drugs, I'm not an alcoholic, and I own my own house. My car is paid for and my job pays well. Apparently, I need an intervention because my life is not where they want it to be, which involves me being married with children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 255

You deserved it 3 561

By tyrettes - 11/08/2019 20:00

Today, I started a new yard maintenance job. Before the day had even ended, I got fired, because I apparently didn’t have enough experience, and I moved too slowly. It was supposed to be my training day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 556

You deserved it 208

By fmyhabit - 15/04/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 815

You deserved it 57 281

By Kim - 10/04/2009 07:12 - United States

Today, I got back a paper after a peer review. I had worked really hard on it over the last week and was proud of the end result. When I got the paper back the only positive comment on the paper was "well I really like the blue staple you used to hold it together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 798

You deserved it 5 233

By maebyf - 31/08/2010 14:48 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of three years proposed to me. He brought me to our favorite restaurant and ordered expensive champagne. It was all very romantic, until he got on one knee and I farted out of surprise. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 906

You deserved it 8 346

By poohead - 09/12/2009 05:07 - Australia

Today, I was cleaning out my new guinea pig cage for the first time because one of them had babies last night. After using a spatula to shovel up the 3 inch layer of crap and placenta, I decided to hose it down. The hose came on so hard, it sprayed the dung and birth water all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 109

You deserved it 30 109

By Anonymous - 22/06/2019 20:04

Today, after being a few minutes late to work a few times this week, I left the house super early this morning. When I got to work, security hadn’t unlocked the doors yet, so I waited in my car, where I ended up falling asleep and sleeping through most of my entire morning shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956

You deserved it 1 490

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agamid 1

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Sunday 29 August 2010 9:28

what's wrong with that? just correct them, but if they're small-minded enough to think calling someone a lesbian is an insult then they're probably not worth associating with.