Today, I found out my son told his teachers that I make his brother Tom sleep on the floor, make him stay out of the house for long periods of time, and don't let him use the toilet. Tom is actually our cat. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I discovered my 18 year old son has been peeing on the carpet when he is too lazy to get out of bed in the morning and blaming it on the cat. FML
Today, my 10-year-old son introduced me to Tom, his new best friend, and insisted we have him over to dinner. Tom is a slug. FML
Today, I found out that I'd been wrong to constantly accuse next door's cat of peeing on my car every night. It was actually my 16-year-old son. FML
Today, I found out that my son has been telling me he's gay so we would allow the "female friend" who is actually his girlfriend to stay over. FML
Today, my son learned about various animals in school, and how they urinate to mark their territory. Apparently, the entire second floor of my house is now my son's territory. FML
Today, I found out that my son is not really gay. He just told me that so I'd let him have girls in his bedroom. FML
Today, two weeks after I got my girlfriend's son to watch old Tom & Jerry cartoons instead of those awful YouTube kids channels, he got in trouble at school for whapping another kid in the face with a toy mallet. He mentioned he wanted to be like Jerry. I'm a dead man when my girlfriend hears this. FML
Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML
Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML
Today, I woke up, got up, and felt something crunchy under my feet. My son thought it would be funny if he spread cat litter all around the house. Used cat litter. FML
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Top comments
MrSassypants 34
You have a cat named Tom? How do you deal with the senseless violence gong on 24/7 between your cat and Jerry the mouse?
CaptainBlack 18
Should have named him Mittens...
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Comments (41)
christinamarie17 29
I'm sure that was an awkward conversation to have OP but at least your son likes your cat enough to refer to Tom as his brother.
juturnaamo 29
This should serve as a good warning to me. We call the puppy our daughter's brother because they're about the same age.
ToxicPlatypus 3
My entire family has always done this, and nothing like that's ever happened to any of us as far as I know. I mean, I guess it depends on the age of the kid, but I distinctly remember my mom referring to me as "Sissy" to our dogs, and I was perfectly aware that they weren't my siblings.
Mauskau 36
20 maybe they were making fun of you and calling you a sissy instead.
iceking53 8
I'm guessing that's he's correct
jbuckets_404 39
That's why we've never given our pets a person's name....
CelesteGomes 25
Reminds me of the Fat old lady punishing Tom coz he didn't catch Jerry ! ?
wordygirl 11
This is hysterical!! I've said countless times to my son to be nice to his sister. He is now 15 yrs old and the cat is 13. Her name is Donna lol!!! Your son is one funny kid!!
worldclassrager 41
Details are important and this one is key
patte_fml 19
You wanted kids and some fond memories when you're old. Now you got both. Congrats.
Jryan952015 7
I'm going to assume your son is young. Just explain to the teacher that Tom is a cat and everything will be fine. I would talk to your son though. Also you should be great full that the teacher checked up on Tom even though he is a cat. If your kid is a teenage ground his ass. He should know better.
mandyn333 10
Oh man. Gotta love kids.