Today, I got extremely wasted and decided to take a shower with...

By cfaul001 - 29/2/2012 17:41 - United States

Today, I got extremely wasted and decided to take a shower with my boyfriend. What seemed like a good and sexy idea turned into us falling and getting wedged in the bathtub. FML

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Intimacy

Headache

Capitalism kills

Clocked

By Anonymous - 30/9/2010 08:04 - Estonia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. I tried to hide my sadness from my mom. She still noticed, and tried to cheer me up. She took me to a funeral. FML

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By Deadman - 2/4/2012 13:37 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2011 15:57 - Canada

Today, I was making out with a guy in a washroom at a party. Things got heavy and the guy lifted me onto the sink. The sink broke off from the wall. This caused a flood in the apartment. The party was canceled. FML

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By Jim - 26/11/2019 16:00 - Canada - Winfield

Bigger than...

Today, I was looking for my passport and I found my wife's new vibrator (that she failed to tell me she'd purchased). I understand now why she doesn't want sex with me anymore. That thing is much bigger than I am. FML

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By IkeTheIntern - 18/9/2015 20:02 - Canada

Today, my boss told me to stop giving work to our college intern because it's an embarrassment to have someone who hasn't finished college working for him. This is the same boss who constantly brags about being a high school drop out. FML

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By FML - 4/9/2015 16:27 - United States - Maricopa

Today, I took my boyfriend to a family dinner. It went well, until my dad got drunk and started telling everyone about how "midgets" are assholes and are ruining America. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2019 18:00

Today, I realised how little my husband trusts me after I told him I was pregnant and the first words out of his mouth were, “Is it mine?” FML

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By gonnafail - 16/11/2013 20:18 - United States - York

Today, my debate partner repeatedly said "You mad, bro?" to the opposing team in our college debate class. That debate was worth a considerable portion of our grade. FML

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By richgirl - 25/2/2010 00:15 - United States

Today, I was doing takeout orders at the restaurant I work at. I spent a long while putting together this guy's $135.00 order. When he finally got there to pick it up, I told him to fill out the credit card slip. I looked at it after he left. He gave me a 40 cent tip. FML

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By Fran - 9/1/2010 08:40 - New Zealand

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

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By izhamilton - 20/2/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, after flying halfway across the world to see the man I love, he admitted cheating on me several days before I arrived, not only with someone I know, but with someone I hate. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 04:58 - United States

Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old male who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2020 08:01

Gamergate

Today, after I bought a gaming system two days ago, for too much money, to distract myself from all the horrible things going on in my life and the world, it broke. So now I’m trying to distract myself from the thing I bought to distract myself. FML

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By . - 16/10/2013 21:05 - United States

Today, I convinced my father that "Juanito", our relative who needed money for immediate surgery in Mexico was a stranger attempting to scam him. I was $1400 too late. FML

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By shattysituation - 31/12/2013 22:36 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girl if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dial my number and look down to find she has my number is saved in her phone as ASS FACE #3. FML

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By Drew - 30/11/2014 03:20 - United States - Harrodsburg

Today, it's my birthday. My grandma posted about it on her Facebook wall, but people got confused and thought it was her birthday instead. She got twice as many birthday wishes as I did, and that's including the ones I got outside of Facebook. FML

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By thanks ma - 29/5/2020 02:00

Today, on Judge Judy…

Today, all of my credit cards were frozen due to fraud. The culprit? My own mother. She rationalized it by saying I "owed" her for raising me. She didn’t even raise me. My grandma did. FML

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By irishbabycakes - 25/1/2010 10:27 - United States

Today, I went to my step-sister's for family dinner. Her husband was really drunk and openly hit on me in front of most of my family. I nonchalantly ignored his advances. Later, my step-mom said it would not have happened if I didn't dress like a skank. FML

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By Nick - 6/8/2013 14:44 - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Today, I dragged myself to work, suffering from a bad cold. My boss quietly told me to go home and rest, to avoid spreading it around the office. I thought it odd since he dislikes me so much, but I did as he said. He called later in the day to suspend me for leaving work early. FML

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By aarone23 - 1/6/2011 13:30 - United States

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 15:23 - United States

Today, I lied when my therapist asked why I preferred Tuesday morning appointments. It's actually because World of Warcraft is down for regularly scheduled maintenance. FML

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By northernlass - 1/10/2010 14:32 - United States

Today, I boarded a trans-Atlantic flight by myself, and struck up a nice conversation with the passenger across the aisle. Before we even took off, the man in front of me unbuckled, stood to face me, and asked me to please shut the hell up. "It's a 9 hour flight, and you're VERY loud!" FML

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By jeesh - 31/1/2009 11:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2016 13:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I was so tired, I passed out at work in the middle of a call. All because my neighbor's car alarm kept going off every 3 minutes all through the morning. It was still going when I left for work. If you see a news story in a few days about a whole neighborhood beating a guy to death, that's probably us. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2010 23:53 - United States

Today, I sent the girl I like a Twinkie with a note saying "Enjoy! You deserve it". I found out later through an angry email that someone had written "you damn fatty" on the end of the note. FML

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By crucets - 6/10/2010 04:37 - United States

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook. I didn't know her, but she was cute, so I accepted the request. After looking at her pictures, I sent her a message saying "What's up cutie, do I know you?". She responded "Yes, I'm your cousin". FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 16:00

Dr House

Today, I was trying to ease off a caffeine headache. I ended up getting a Brain Freeze. FML

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By poorman - 11/8/2014 19:54 - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order. He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me, because he doesn't like touching "poor people". FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2014 20:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss said he's worried about our network, because "Wifi's all in the air. People could spy on us from anywhere!" I sarcastically said "My god, you're right!" and suggested switching to tin-foil ethernet cables to stop the signal escaping. He told me to do it ASAP. This moron makes five times my salary. FML

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By Sucks2suck - 20/11/2018 05:00

Today, I received an invitation to my ex’s wedding. We were dating for three years and just broke up four months ago. FML

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By Isabell - 6/2/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

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By sarah - 14/7/2010 04:32 - United States

Today, I've recently gained weight so I bought an exercise video. I started it right away in my room on the top floor. My younger sister screamed and ran outside a few minutes later. She thought it was an earthquake. FML

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By edodge - 15/10/2010 03:03 - United States

Today, at work, my boss and I went upstairs to storage. We got in the elevator, I pressed the 2nd floor button, and it didn't move so I repeatedly pressed the button. It wasn't until the 5th press that I realized we were already on the 2nd floor. She thought I was an idiot. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/3/2013 20:38 - Germany - Bad Windsheim

Today, I went to the supermarket to get some Easter gifts for my kids. At the register, I was verbally abused to the point of tears by the cashier, for having way too many items for the 12 items or less lane. I had 13. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2012 22:15 - United Kingdom - Warwick

Today, my grandpa told my mom that he needs to rewrite his will soon. I jokingly said that I was going to be stinking rich when he passes away. He retorted that he's never forgiven me for rear-ending his car six years ago, and because of this, I'll never see a penny of his money. FML

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By okseñoryoucrazy - 2/2/2015 00:43 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I found out that my 2-year-old brother is afraid of his own penis. Whenever he doesn't have a diaper on, he screams, cries and yells, "Ew". FML

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By fail - 14/4/2011 22:27 - Canada

Today, to impress my friends, I attempted to do a back flip. The only one impressed was the doctor who set my broken leg. FML

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By blah - 15/2/2009 23:57 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he'd gone; I waited for 5. In the card was written, "It's not working out, but here's $20." FML

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By horp - 29/9/2015 22:00 - United States - Torrington

Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML

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Top comments

By gh0sthunter | 6

#4106821 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:24

See your problem was when you thought a wasted version of you could be coordinated and balanced on a wet slippery surface.

By BlesstheSilence | 11

#4106830 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:26

Excessive Liquor + wet surface = Dumbass

COMMENTS

By xStaciexLynnx | 15

#4106815 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:22

How small is your shower?!

Idonebeenhad | 17

#4106872 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:30

How big are you and your boyfriend?!

scottieclark | 4

#4106883 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:31

Or how fat is OP and her bf?

Damn_Hippster | 11

#4106959 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:40

How much soap was used?

angrymexican | 8

#4107751 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 23:39

How much soap was dropped?

KingOfAmazing | 9

#4107898 - Thursday 1 March 2012 0:11

I don't see why this is an FML. This seems more like one of those moments that everyone has with their boyfriend or girlfriend. The kind that where it is so ridiculous that you both have the hilarious memory that you can't forget. Personally, I love those memories. :)

zack11742 | 7

#4107959 - Thursday 1 March 2012 0:17

I see what you did there 38

Llamacod | 11

#4108114 - Thursday 1 March 2012 0:43

Doesn't matter how big the shower is, the question you should be asking is " how small is your tub"

MizzErikaHart | 8

#4108524 - Thursday 1 March 2012 1:54

41, I see you ruined the combo... :-/

Idonebeenhad | 17

#4109264 - Thursday 1 March 2012 5:59

One does not simply ruin a combo without saying C-C-C-COMBO BREAKERR!

theaws0m3guy | 4

#4109298 - Thursday 1 March 2012 6:07

Break ALL the combos!!!

benmec | 18

#4109335 - Thursday 1 March 2012 6:16

I know! Did you use powdered soap?

blackheart24 | 10

#4109545 - Thursday 1 March 2012 7:48

The better question is how did they get out? O.o

wytang | 3

#4110459 - Thursday 1 March 2012 15:58

They got out all right. The question though is, did they get out safely.

Futacy | 29

#4421375 - Friday 11 May 2012 22:13

lolz

By gh0sthunter | 6

#4106821 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:24

See your problem was when you thought a wasted version of you could be coordinated and balanced on a wet slippery surface.

IscoreOnU | 19

#4107703 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 23:30

Add a rigorous high movement activity you're screwed

LightningCactus | 12

#4109007 - Thursday 1 March 2012 4:21

This is why we can't do fun things, goddamn tiny showers!

hemz_fml | 13

#4110224 - Thursday 1 March 2012 13:38

At least you two have something to look back on and laugh

guagmire | 0

#4175832 - Friday 16 March 2012 21:21

At least they didn't drop the soap...or did they

By BlesstheSilence | 11

#4106830 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:26

Excessive Liquor + wet surface = Dumbass

silentbutfunny | 0

#4107061 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 23:00

Excessive Liqour = Dumbass

googlefrewdnoob | 0

#4107065 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 23:02

Correction not dumbass,on ass

Vball6 | 19

#4107097 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 23:10

^haha

By DrMime | 10

#4106839 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:27

Aww, it's like a human yin-yang!

Redoxx_fml | 22

#4107122 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 23:15

Or a human centipede

By muzy | 23

#4106859 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:30

dumb people...

McDonaldsworker | 4

#4109859 - Thursday 1 March 2012 10:12

Drunk people...

MissHayleyJames | 7

#4110401 - Thursday 1 March 2012 15:34

What's the difference?

By taytaylal | 11

#4106869 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:30

I feel bad for your boyfriend. YDI.

punchline_fml | 5

#4107045 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:56

Getting stuck with your naked wet girlfriend in a bathtub is pure torture. It must have been hell for him.

By FYLminerocks | 7

#4106874 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:30

Sometimes things don't turn out how you expect, but getting stuck in the tub with your boyfriend sounds cute anyways!

By gonad_gobbler | 1

#4106890 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:31

alcohol? more like alco-fall

GrooveSponge | 0

#4106951 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:38

Badum tsss...

kimmi41509 | 10

#4109233 - Thursday 1 March 2012 5:50

Gonad gobbler..the fuck?

By WCARlover | 34

#4106892 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:31

Ah, romance at its finest

yahoowizard | 16

#4109891 - Thursday 1 March 2012 10:24

For some reason, reminds me of the scene from 500 Days of Summer

By kimmi41509 | 10

#4106911 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:33

He could have "wedged" his dingdong into your hooha right then and there!

WCARlover | 34

#4106929 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:34

I could see "hooha" being a new Little Debbie treat now

kimmi41509 | 10

#4106961 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:40

Lol and every time you eat it you'd think of a vagina.

micahsmommy | 13

#4106980 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:46

Are you the one who twitched whenever penis and vagina were said? If not maybe you could see if that person twitches with your alternate words.