Intimacy: Today, I got extremely wasted and decided to take a shower with...

By cfaul001 - United States

Today, I got extremely wasted and decided to take a shower with my boyfriend. What seemed like a good and sexy idea turned into us falling and getting wedged in the bathtub. FML

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Intimacy

Coherence dude, do you have it?

For the life of him indeed

Show me where it hurts

By nickyy - United States

Today, I learned it is best not to let your cordless mouse die while secretly watching porn right when your mom walks in. FML

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By trustyourfamily - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss bragged to a coworker, in front of me, about how much money he saved on a project because he majorly underpays me. My boss is my dad. FML

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By mimabee - United States

Today, my boyfriend got a job at a trendy clothing store in the mall. Trying to be supportive, I went to visit him and tried something on. I got stuck in the jeans and had to call my boyfriend, who sent the manager to pull the jeans off me. FML

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By lafinesse

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

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By dadum - Australia

Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML

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By f-ugly - United States

Today, I was freshening up my makeup in the car before a date. An old lady walked by and said through my open window, "Don't bother. There's no helping you, honey." FML

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By Dumped

Today, at work, I went to place a small item on a shelf. The shelf fell on me, trapping my hand. While lifting it, the top shelf fell against my chest and the products all dumped on my face. I then realized the shelves were only held up by zip ties. FML

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By Kelly - United States

Today, I heard a girl telling her friend all about her boyfriend, John. They talked about the grocery store that he works at, and that he drives a nice yellow mustang. My boyfriend's name is John, works at that same grocery store, and drives a nice yellow mustang. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my supervisor how awful my coworker was at her job. I then got fired. FML

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By ulring - United States

Today, I walked all the way across campus to eat the first meal I've had all day. After waiting for my food in a congested line for 30 minutes, I got to the register to pay. Turns out my wallet was a twenty minute walk away, back in my apartment. FML

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By jamerz

Today, someone informed me that my new boyfriend's tattoo is really an old Nazi symbol and not just a poorly-drawn skull. Now I'm trying to figure out how to ask him whether he's a neo-Nazi or not. Why am I so nervous? I'm Jewish, he just hasn't heard my last name yet. FML

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By -_-" - United States - Vestal

Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML

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By 282

Today, I was sitting on my younger sister's bed while I was on my phone. She came in the room and pushed me off the bed, and I ended up slicing the skin under my eye. Now, my parents are forcing me to pay for the injury for "hanging off the bed". FML

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By Anonymous - 25/7/2020 08:01

Who am I?

Today, while having hot passionate sex with my boyfriend, while I was moaning his name, he was coming to release and yelled out, "NO, THIS IS PATRICK!" His name isn't Patrick. FML

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By LadyChristina25 - United States

Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML

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By shyshy96679 - United States

Today, I was using the restroom when a little girl tried to open my stall. It was locked, so she slid under the door and tried to have a conversation with me while I was pooping. FML

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By Anonymous

Grab the balls by the horn, dude

Today, the only girl I've ever had eyes for said she can't find any good single men, all while sitting next to me. FML

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By Broken - United Arab Emirates

Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML

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By Dave B - Reserved

Today, I was verbally abused by a guy in a 4-wheel-drive twat-tank for listening to music on my iPod while I was "blocking the way." I was standing on the footpath waiting for a bus. At a bus stop. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a man from across the bar looked at me, pointed and said "MMMM, now THAT'S what I want." Offended, I confronted him to tell him I felt disrespected by him referring to me as 'that.' Turns out, he was pointing to the cheeseburger that the waitress behind me was holding. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started hooking up with a guy I've liked for a while. We got pretty into it and he went into my underwear, looking confused. When I asked him what was wrong, his response was: "I can't find it." FML

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31485

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By ZThirteen - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket. My speedometer got busted a few weeks back, rendering it useless. My father, a former mechanic, decided it's not worth the trouble of going in and fixing it. "Just keep with traffic when you're on the highway; you'll be fine." This $150 fee says otherwise. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, getting home from a long day at work, I checked the mail and saw 3 envelopes from the IRS. Apparently I now owe over $4,000. I only have $2 in my bank account. FML

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By ooops - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML

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By makeover-needed - United States

Today, I learned how my coworkers differentiate between my coworker and me as we have the same name, when I overheard one of them ask the other, "Which one, ugly Leslie or hot Leslie?" When the answer was "ugly Leslie," he walked straight to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, one my friends died. All my crying gave me a headache, so I asked my boyfriend to bring me some aspirin. My headache didn't go away. Instead, I got diarrhea because my boyfriend gave me laxatives instead of aspirin as a "joke" to cheer me up. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I dyed my hair for the first time. It turned out great, and I couldn't wait to show it off during my night out with my friends. Everyone was so shocked or disgusted, I ended up claiming I lost a bet. FML

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By Dimples - United States - Sanford

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

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By libraries are a girl's best friend - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my dad grounded me for swearing, after I read a funny comment on Youtube to my sister. The supposed swear word? "YOLO." FML

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By noporn4u - 3/10/2020 19:01 - United States - Kaukauna

Big bastard boss

Today, my time off request was rejected, and my boss promptly took the day off himself, claiming he has people coming to work on his house. We work from home. The day in question is my 5-year wedding anniversary. FML

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By disgusted - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

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By pass me the fucking rope - United States - Brooklyn

Today, just when I thought my day couldn't get any worse, a bird shat on my lunch. FML

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By cthulhu help me - United States - Cabot

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

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32527

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By kimosabe - United States

Today, at work a woman came up to the check out counter and when I greeted her she said "oh honey, you are so beautiful!" I immediately smiled and thanked her, then she looked at me and said "oh, not you." and then pointed to her ear. She was on her bluetooth. FML

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By LonelyBoy - Australia

Today, I was going through the history on my computer. Apparently, while I was at school my mother used my computer, and I now know my mother wants to learn how to make her breasts look larger, amongst other things. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate showed me that her pepper spray had expired, so I decided to test it on myself. It worked. FML

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By Nathan - United States

Today, I printed my 10 page econometrics problem set questions out on $15/100 sheet ivory resume paper that I'd accidentally left in the paper tray on my printer. It turned out to be the wrong assignment. FML

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By pissedoffandon - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

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By anonymous - United States - San Angelo

Fast food dinner

Today, I called my husband and asked him what he wanted from our favorite fast food place. A divorce. FML

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Top comments

By gh0sthunter | 6

#4106821 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:24

See your problem was when you thought a wasted version of you could be coordinated and balanced on a wet slippery surface.

By BlesstheSilence | 11

#4106830 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:26

Excessive Liquor + wet surface = Dumbass

COMMENTS

By xStaciexLynnx | 15

#4106815 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:22

How small is your shower?!

Idonebeenhad | 17

#4106872 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:30

How big are you and your boyfriend?!

scottieclark | 4

#4106883 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:31

Or how fat is OP and her bf?

Damn_Hippster | 11

#4106959 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:40

How much soap was used?

angrymexican | 8

#4107751 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 23:39

How much soap was dropped?

KingOfAmazing | 9

#4107898 - Thursday 1 March 2012 0:11

I don't see why this is an FML. This seems more like one of those moments that everyone has with their boyfriend or girlfriend. The kind that where it is so ridiculous that you both have the hilarious memory that you can't forget. Personally, I love those memories. :)

zack11742 | 7

#4107959 - Thursday 1 March 2012 0:17

I see what you did there 38

Llamacod | 11

#4108114 - Thursday 1 March 2012 0:43

Doesn't matter how big the shower is, the question you should be asking is " how small is your tub"

MizzErikaHart | 8

#4108524 - Thursday 1 March 2012 1:54

41, I see you ruined the combo... :-/

Idonebeenhad | 17

#4109264 - Thursday 1 March 2012 5:59

One does not simply ruin a combo without saying C-C-C-COMBO BREAKERR!

theaws0m3guy | 4

#4109298 - Thursday 1 March 2012 6:07

Break ALL the combos!!!

benmec | 18

#4109335 - Thursday 1 March 2012 6:16

I know! Did you use powdered soap?

blackheart24 | 10

#4109545 - Thursday 1 March 2012 7:48

The better question is how did they get out? O.o

wytang | 3

#4110459 - Thursday 1 March 2012 15:58

They got out all right. The question though is, did they get out safely.

Futacy | 29

#4421375 - Friday 11 May 2012 22:13

lolz

By gh0sthunter | 6

#4106821 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:24

See your problem was when you thought a wasted version of you could be coordinated and balanced on a wet slippery surface.

IscoreOnU | 19

#4107703 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 23:30

Add a rigorous high movement activity you're screwed

LightningCactus | 12

#4109007 - Thursday 1 March 2012 4:21

This is why we can't do fun things, goddamn tiny showers!

hemz_fml | 13

#4110224 - Thursday 1 March 2012 13:38

At least you two have something to look back on and laugh

guagmire | 0

#4175832 - Friday 16 March 2012 21:21

At least they didn't drop the soap...or did they

By BlesstheSilence | 11

#4106830 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:26

Excessive Liquor + wet surface = Dumbass

silentbutfunny | 0

#4107061 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 23:00

Excessive Liqour = Dumbass

googlefrewdnoob | 0

#4107065 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 23:02

Correction not dumbass,on ass

Vball6 | 19

#4107097 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 23:10

^haha

By DrMime | 10

#4106839 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:27

Aww, it's like a human yin-yang!

Redoxx_fml | 22

#4107122 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 23:15

Or a human centipede

By muzy | 23

#4106859 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:30

dumb people...

McDonaldsworker | 4

#4109859 - Thursday 1 March 2012 10:12

Drunk people...

MissHayleyJames | 7

#4110401 - Thursday 1 March 2012 15:34

What's the difference?

By taytaylal | 11

#4106869 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:30

I feel bad for your boyfriend. YDI.

punchline_fml | 5

#4107045 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:56

Getting stuck with your naked wet girlfriend in a bathtub is pure torture. It must have been hell for him.

By FYLminerocks | 7

#4106874 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:30

Sometimes things don't turn out how you expect, but getting stuck in the tub with your boyfriend sounds cute anyways!

By gonad_gobbler | 1

#4106890 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:31

alcohol? more like alco-fall

GrooveSponge | 0

#4106951 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:38

Badum tsss...

kimmi41509 | 10

#4109233 - Thursday 1 March 2012 5:50

Gonad gobbler..the fuck?

By WCARlover | 34

#4106892 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:31

Ah, romance at its finest

yahoowizard | 16

#4109891 - Thursday 1 March 2012 10:24

For some reason, reminds me of the scene from 500 Days of Summer

By kimmi41509 | 10

#4106911 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:33

He could have "wedged" his dingdong into your hooha right then and there!

WCARlover | 34

#4106929 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:34

I could see "hooha" being a new Little Debbie treat now

kimmi41509 | 10

#4106961 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:40

Lol and every time you eat it you'd think of a vagina.

micahsmommy | 13

#4106980 - Wednesday 29 February 2012 22:46

Are you the one who twitched whenever penis and vagina were said? If not maybe you could see if that person twitches with your alternate words.