Today, I finally hooked up with the boy of my dreams at a party. Later, while on AIM, I noticed one of his friend's away messages was a quote from the guy's screen name, which said, "I can't believe what I stick my dick In sometimes." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I made up an ingenious plan to finally hook up with the guy I really like at a party. Well, the plan itself worked great. Too bad I got so drunk that I used it on the wrong person. FML
Today, at a party, I watched the guy I've liked for AGES come out of a bedroom with one of my gay male friends. They were in there for a while. FML
Today, I hooked up with a guy I'm totally in love with. After finishing, he burst into tears about being in love with another girl. I had to comfort him. FML
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML
Today, when I was done masturbating to the thought of my crush I noticed my phone was lit up. I turned it over and stared in horror as I saw a call connected to him. I had been loudly moaning his name. I guess I hit his speed dial when I was setting my phone down. He was definitely still on the line. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML
Today, I found out the guy I’m in love with has been side-messaging one of my closest friends about hooking up for sex. This isn’t the first guy this has happened with. FML
Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for two months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed, he says, "You better be clean. If you're not tell me now so I don't pass it on to my girlfriend." Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, "Well, technically, my fiancée." FML
Today, after months of dinners, coffees, drinks, and a few nights together, the girl of my dreams told me about this awesome guy she met yesterday. FML
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Top comments
StingRay1971 1
check for STDs
Tubasaurus 0
If you just had spontaneous sex with the guy expecting him to suddenly fall in love with you then I can't feel sorry for you. Sex is not a contract nor is it protection from stupid assholes being stupid assholes.
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Comments (198)
onepctech 0
#38 I don't think there is an age limit on Internet use. RETARD
McLaughlane 0
yes, seriously. comments like that annoy the shit out of me. :/
wingedtoad 0
Actually, according to COPPA, only people 13 and over are allowed to use the Internet. For kids' sites like Neopets, parents are technically supposed to send a form to headquarters stating that their child has parental permission to use the site.
kaaz_fml 0
Good job #56, what a way to destroy #39 and #43. ******* kudos to you for doing your research. =) Who's the ******* retard now #39?
xpxp2002 4
That's only for websites that collect personal information from the user. And they don't have to send a form, legally only an agreement that the parent is authorizing this (usually with a simple checkbox) is necessary.
lmmmr 0
Registering as a member at Fmylife.com is sending personal information.
irishdubr 0
Hahahahahahaha
AntiChrist7 0
i don't wanna know what you're dreams are if an ass like that is in them. YDI
ImAllFailure 0
Wow, what does he stick it in then?
Failurewithacapi 0
#32 I am well known around my school, and it really depends on where you live, And it's the other way around you will end up working for nerds, duh, Bill Gates is a nerd XD. My feet size is 13... random XD
junglemini 0
Maybe if you weren't part of the bearded clam society he wouldn't have been so scared of your nasty snatch. YDI. Not only for that but for being a hoe.
Colby_Colbert 0
lol @ bearded clam society! but really, if your crotch didnt look like a cheese sandwich i think the outcome would have been more pleasant
jjenniferr05 0
jeez, people are imature..
Emma_91 0
And you know how the OP's crotch looks? Wow you must be psychic O_O Seriously the guy is an ass.
superdudeman 0
wow... maybe if you weren't such a ***** you wouldn't have that problem. Clearly the guy "of your dreams" is a womanizing piece of shit and you are too blind to see him for that. Maybe people shouldn't just have random hook ups and should realize that the goal of life isn't to see how many times you can get screwed and screwed over. I'd say grow a pair and have higher standards, but clearly you have a ******.
SweetTea90 0
I agree with you.....
Emma_91 0
The OP says nothing that makes her seem whoreish. Most people nowadays have sex before marriage, it doesn't mean they're ******. Yes he's an asshole, usually womanizers are quite good at covering that up. Otherwise nobody'd be with them and they wouldn't be womanizers. And since he was the guy of her dreams, I'm guessing it wasn't a random hookup.
jillz 0
Geez, what are today's girls turning into. YDI /gag
plexico 3
Soon, your lover will be given an IFAP award from his friends. It stands for "I ****** A Pig" and it is given to the guy who gets drunk and has sex with the most hideous creature. Sorry that you helped him win such a dubious honor. But, it points out to you that alcohol will be a powerful ally for you in your sexual conquests, as fleeting as they may be.