Love: Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker"... - FML

By nerdgirlmickey - 03/03/2013 16:05 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 980

You deserved it 6 923

Vulture

This Charming Man

Booty pic

Private everything, always!

By Unemployed - 31/08/2021 16:01

Today, I received an e-mail telling me the job offer I got last week was rescinded. Apparently, the memes I share on my Instagram page are "tasteless" and don’t fit the company’s values. I forgot my profile is public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 1 648

By Anonymous - 02/12/2010 15:36 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend informed me via text message that he had moved to Bristol, and the reason he had ignored me the past fortnight was because he didn't know how to tell me. He knew he was moving even before we even got together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 498

You deserved it 2 924

By singlemam - 15/03/2016 01:51 - United States - Akron

Today, while at the park, my 3 year-old ran up to a lady, grabbed her chest and loudly asked, "Are these your breasts? Are they private on you too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 094

You deserved it 2 055

By bastardchild_01 - 17/10/2012 06:22 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, after much reluctance due to fear of causing a huge debate, I finally posted something on Facebook about the presidential debates. However, the post sparked an argument with my mom's childhood best friend, that ended with her telling me that my dad isn't actually my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 090

You deserved it 3 733

By Anonymous - 31/07/2017 12:00 - United States - Hurricane

Today, at work, I wanted to scare my best friend, who is also my coworker. Thinking that he was cleaning the women's bathroom, I snuck in and right when I was about to scare him, my store director came out of the stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 884

You deserved it 3 737

By Riicogonz - 13/08/2018 20:32

Today, while borrowing my girlfriend's dad's truck, I had to pay $120 to prevent it from being towed. I was parked right in front of my apartment unloading heavy furniture into my garage for not even 20 minutes while the apartment manager, who called the tow truck, watched us from his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 555

You deserved it 172

By datingamoron - 14/02/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 274

You deserved it 3 961

By greg - 14/02/2018 01:30

Today, my mother sued me for whiplash in a car accident that was her fault. She screamed to stop so I slammed on the brakes and the car behind ran into us. It wasn't an emergency; she just thought she saw her friend at the bus stop. It wasn't even her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 423

You deserved it 374

By Sam - 03/02/2012 04:00 - Canada

Today, I got punched by a man for making fun of his stutter. I didn't. I stutter too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 445

You deserved it 2 647

By Skido - 20/02/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 416

You deserved it 9 009

By Gentleman - 11/01/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I was very sick with a stomach virus, so I went to the only doctor's office open on Sundays. Even though I was feeling like a pile of shit, I waited for a woman who was walking in behind me to hold the door open for her. She was the last patient they could take for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 142

You deserved it 3 208

By fiftyno - 01/10/2012 15:02 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 774

You deserved it 4 105

By kaleighf - 28/04/2016 01:46 - United States - Hollywood

Today, a new girl showed up at my school and everyone really seems to be intrigued about her. I've been told at least five times today that she is the hotter version of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 023

You deserved it 1 161

By reserved - 22/10/2012 09:01 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to break up. But not until after our anniversary tomorrow, because he's already gotten dinner reservations for us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 901

You deserved it 1 945

Technologically challenged

By Anonymous - 31/07/2020 05:01

Today, my aged mother continued to complain about her computer issues to me. A relative, who is good at tech support, won't bother servicing her computer because whatever she does ends up bogging it down the next day, so I have to hear about it on the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 130

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 17:38 - United States

Today, for the first time ever, my boyfriend of one year told me he loved me. He was calling me by collect call from the county jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 495

You deserved it 6 159

By Anonymous - 10/09/2010 20:07 - Canada

Today, my dad hurt his back. He went to a physical therapist who gave him some exercises to do. I have to watch him lie on his back and air hump while groaning every hour on the hour for the next two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 279

You deserved it 4 557

By LoveStruck- - 10/02/2010 07:29 - United States

Today, I hung out with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. We were cuddling on the couch when he suddenly stands up. I thought he was going to hug me, but then he turned around, pinned my shoulders back so I couldn't move, and farted in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 704

You deserved it 5 700

By impickingyourhomegran - 13/08/2012 22:12 - United Kingdom - London

Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my grandma, who's tried to ruin every relationship to date, stood up and shouted that "it ain't right", "you're too good for her", and claimed my fiancée has been cheating on me, before she was finally ejected from the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 553

You deserved it 1 895

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 05:53 - United States

Today, my neighbor brought a ruined napkin holder over and claimed that we drilled a hole through his wall and ruined it. I apologized, not telling him that it was actually a bullet that my boyfriend shot through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 403

You deserved it 40 464

By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 05:58 - Finland

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 374

You deserved it 5 030

By whereismyring - 28/03/2016 00:47 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex-boyfriend announced he was engaged. We broke up last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 539

You deserved it 1 698

Long distance

By singlesailor - 19/09/2009 06:18 - United States

Today, I'm in my fourth month of training in the US Navy. I'm 3000 miles from home. I joined to give my wife a better life. Since I've been gone, she decided that she liked being single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 444

You deserved it 4 434

By Anonymous - 12/07/2019 02:00

Today, I figured out my boyfriend gets out of jail in less than six months. First off, I have a boyfriend in jail. Second, I also realized I'd much prefer he stay in than get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 1 802

By Carl - 16/10/2011 12:47 - United States

Today, my landlord compared me to his idiot son for not plunging a toilet. This is the same toilet he explicitly told me not to plunge last week, because of a possible leak into the basement. We have been peeing outside for a week waiting on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 329

You deserved it 2 564

Hey there!

By Anonymous - 04/10/2013 23:36 - United States - San Antonio

Spicy

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 320

You deserved it 85 418

Hands-on

By poolgirl789 - 03/09/2013 06:30 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Spicy

Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 637

You deserved it 4 736

By Batman - 09/09/2018 23:30

Today, I finished my 83-page thesis for my Stanford class and put it on my desk. Then, as a prank, my girlfriend hid it. She forgot where she put it. The thesis is due in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 616

You deserved it 630

By Pete - 07/08/2018 13:00

Today, it's the third day I've been at home recuperating from ear surgery. My surgery was on the same day my neighbor started renovating. There's been hours of jack-hammering every day I've been home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 605

You deserved it 117

By feminismlol - 06/04/2012 04:45 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to my first meeting at the university women's group, excited to become a more involved feminist. The first item on the meeting's agenda? The upcoming bake sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 821

You deserved it 29 127

Spookmagooked

By kellbell24 - 12/07/2021 14:01

Today, I went to my husband’s funeral. Not his real one, his rehearsal funeral. He just wants to make sure everything will go according to plan. As far as I know, he is a very healthy 26-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 99

By Pottymouth - 25/07/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, I was having really bad diarrhea. I sat down on the toilet and heard a plop, thinking it was just me going to the bathroom. After I was finished, I look in the toilet to see my iPhone sitting in a pool of diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 953

You deserved it 24 488

By Anonymous - 10/06/2012 06:24 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I used a prank app, where you shake the cell, and it makes the screen looks cracked. I ended up losing my grip on the phone. It went flying, and it is now cracked for real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 928

You deserved it 36 517

By Anonymous - 17/08/2018 14:30

Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 445

You deserved it 201

By Bad Dancer - 05/07/2015 01:48 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 935

You deserved it 3 505

By Henry - 11/11/2011 22:29 - Norway

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend agreed to doing it doggy style. During it all, I pulled on her hair. I guess I pulled too hard, because when I let go, her face smacked straight into the bedside table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 928

You deserved it 45 644

By Lace - 23/08/2010 04:17 - United States

Today, my husband just told me that he no longer loves me but keeps me around to handle his finances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 053

You deserved it 3 741

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 13:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my stalker is my mom's new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 488

You deserved it 3 050

By Pukey - 28/03/2015 21:30 - United States

Today, my older brother puked in the sound hole of my sister's guitar. He blamed it on me, and in revenge my sister beat me with the guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 534

You deserved it 2 182

By owwthatfarts - 27/01/2017 11:53 - United States - Worcester

Today, one of my preschool students hit me in the nuts in front of my whole class. If that wasn't bad enough, the blow to my crotch instantly triggered a very audible fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 952

You deserved it 504

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:17

Why so serious? Let her put a smile on that face. But what should I know, do I look like someone who has a plan?

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:17

Master the batman voice and have battles. Epic :)

Comments

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:17

Why so serious? Let her put a smile on that face. But what should I know, do I look like someone who has a plan?

wlddog 14

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:19

As long as she doesn't start talking about how cheap dynamite is and burn your money, I think you will be ok. 1. Did you notice that during the scene with 2 face, he has a finger over the guns hammer? He only gave the illusion of choice.

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:21

She's the girlfriend he deserves. No, I never noticed that actually, that's very intruiging!

wlddog 14

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:29

Yep. When they did a closeup at the hospital bed scene the Joker had both hands on 2 faces, and I believe it was the pointer finger of the Jokers right hand was actually resting on the revolvers hammer. The effect of the barrel pressed up against his forehead drew your eyes away from the hammer. A second blow your mind idea could be this,,,, would you have noticed his finger on the hammer if he has not been so dramatic by placing the gun in 2 faces hand against his head?

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 22:08

I don't know much about guns- what's the significance of his finger being on the hammer there?

muzy 23

Send a private message

Monday 4 March 2013 0:48

Don't get on her bad side OP or she'll cut you into little pieces and feed you to her pooches!

Send a private message

Wednesday 6 March 2013 11:53

You are amazing

GingerNinja7 17

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:17

I'd only be worried if she does it in bed

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:21

I don't know. Some people might find that kinky!

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:23

Yea just wait until she shows you what she can do with a pencil!

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:38

Now you see it, now you don't

Send a private message

Monday 4 March 2013 5:22

Actually, if he finds a Harley Quinn wannabe, he'll have a hell of a night.

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:17

Master the batman voice and have battles. Epic :)

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 20:07

Or master a two face impression and get a coin. Heads, we have sex. Tails, and we still have sex.

ALlamaOnFire 20

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 20:27

I make my own luck

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 20:29

Or -- Heads or Tails could also mean. . . __?___ (Fill in the blank) :P

mr_sarcastic416 29

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 21:35

heads I eat u out, tails we're doing anal

hotPinklipstick 24

Send a private message

Monday 4 March 2013 0:40

Heads, you give me tail. Tails, you give me head.

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:17

Comment moderated.

RavenDesired 10

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:17

Wanna know how I got these scars?

RavenDesired 10

Send a private message

Monday 4 March 2013 0:18

Haha, no, that's always been my picture. It was me on Halloween.

Send a private message

Monday 4 March 2013 5:05

Harley Quinn, I presume?

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:18

That's no joke.. That would really drive me batty.

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 21:42

Like your awful pun?

Send a private message

Tuesday 5 March 2013 5:09

Yeah, just like my awful pun.

Send a private message

Wednesday 6 March 2013 13:37

You are forgiven.

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:18

Just don't ask her to show you a magic trick.

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 20:02

I'll never look at pencils the same! :P

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:18

Just make sure to keep some lights on in the hose at all times

wlddog 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 6 March 2013 18:12

Its short for pantyhose. If you keep christmas lights down the legs of your pantyhose, not only do your legs stay warm but you look really festive. And you also get a power-cord to follow you around.

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:18

I would be impressed. That's pretty cool.

JustAGirlOnFML 11

Send a private message

Sunday 3 March 2013 19:18

She should use that voice in the bedroom.

muzy 23

Send a private message

Monday 4 March 2013 1:28

"Look at go" !!!

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 29

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 114

You deserved it 274