By angelisa - 21/11/2015 14:54 - United States - Yuba City

Spicy
Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks 30 614
You deserved it 3 906

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Top comments

If he's too embarrassed to buy condoms, he's definitely not ready for sex.

Sorry Op but if either of you are too embarrassed to buy condoms then you are not ready for sex.

Comments

that's so hot

thats moronic. Dump him OP. Dont ever sleep with someone so stupid. Murphys law says thats the one you'll break a condom with and end up with this moron as the father of your kids! Whats worse is hes probably to dumb to put the condom on correctly, ensuring the breakage

meli1195 31

idk if you're being serious, but if you are, chill. not all people are experts with sex and it can be really confusing and embarrassing if it's your first time. thus leading to stupid suggestions like OPs bf's, but it's nothing to get dumped over.

#57 Don't bother, #54 is retarded himself.

58, don't stoop so low as to call someone retarded.

Im sorry, but what the hell is on your cookie?

#96 cookie bukaki.... bucookie if you will.

A great substitute!

If he's too embarrassed to buy condoms, he's definitely not ready for sex.

To be fair, it is pretty akward when the creepy cashier at the convient store starts making lame jokes

FrankAnne 13

Exactly what I was thinking.

Even with the lame jokes, if you can't buy the condoms you aren't ready for sex.

leogachi 15

@23 So tell the cashier to shut the fuck up.

PANDORUM89 21

or use self check out...

When the cashier is making jokes go "Yeah you may be funny but I'm getting laid".

ChadHelton 8

#32" "and *I'm* not getting fired, can I talk to your manager?"

I also think people forget that you can buy condoms online and it comes in discreet packaging

Sorry Op but if either of you are too embarrassed to buy condoms then you are not ready for sex.

StiffPvtParts 43

What if you have social anxiety? Some people who suffer from social anxiety disorder are often times unable to do the most basic of everyday things. I know it might seem trivial to almost everyone here, but my crippling social anxiety prevents me from being able to do a lot of things that involve even minimal social interaction, and I am not the only one with this problem... In fact, there are people who have it far worse than I do. Does that mean I, as well as others with severe social anxiety might never be ready to experience intimacy with another human being, and that we are destined to live the rest of our lifes alone? (I apologise for any spelling errors, English is not my native language.)

StiffPvtParts 43

P.S I'm not defending OP's boyfriend. If he's too embarrassed to buy condoms from a cashier, perhaps he should use one of those self-checkout machines? I always use those when I do my shopping. :c

StiffPvtParts 43

And yes, if he thinks a sandwich bag is a good substitute for a condom, he probably shouldn't be having sex...

#69 - post by #4 says "too embarrassed to buy..." Social anxiety wouldn't fall into this category so don't take it so personal.

#69 Having crippling social anxiety is clearly not the kind of immaturity people are referring to. The fact that some people have that doesn't change the point being made.

You know what fuck you. I have extreme social anxiety for a reason. I literally am doomed to say every thought out loud against my will for the rest of my natural life. The cause is brain damage. I will never know a secret or a private thought. But I still get up and do shit that needs to be done. I suck it up and get over myself instead of using it as a bullshit excuse. If I can do it, every single person on this planet can. Get over yourself. People aren't even paying attention to you, they Dont notice your anxious. Live your life without giving a single fuck about what others think. Grow up.

Yeah but you aren't everyone else 112. It's unfair to think everyone should just get over it because you manage to deal with anxiety successfully. It has nothing to do with "growing up" Everyone's situation is different and you have my respect for overcoming the obstacles you have. However, that does not give you the right to berate others who may be in similar situations.

You're so wrong. He's absolutely right. I have anxiety and it was only until I drank some concrete and hardened the fuck up did I learn powerful ways to deal with my anxiety. I would faint waiting in line for a train ticket or at dentists, I would panic about sexual performance, I would bite my nails furiously upon upcoming exams, I would smoke endlessly. I got to the stage - enough was enough. I would do other things that would not only benefit myself, but reduce anxiety too: buying my train tickets online saving time and effort, I'd visit dentists for checkups every week and eventually I've had 2 fillings with no anaesthetic. I started using humour more and that side tracked my sexual anxiety, and my partner is hugely supportive of me. I file my nails now which prevents the desire to bite. I quit smoking and had teeth whitened - made me feel more attractive.

There mayo be a problem with his confidence.

Come on FML community, it's time to go ham with these puns.

He may be too chicken to go through with it.

Hmm.... sounds like you guys are in a pickle ...

That sounds like a cheesy situation.

andrmac 25

I think he needs to grow a pair and pack his meat in the proper sandwich bag before putting it in the sub roll.

olpally 32

Don't be a fool, wrap your tool... Please don't have sex with him if that's what he suggests. The stupid is too real.

That's just a ploy to get you to make him a sandwich.

amileah13 26

Most girls losing their virginity is somewhat painful when not properly lubricated and it would most likely still hurt. Using a sandwich bag is going to make it so much worse. Better to wait than deal with the awful pain of losing your v card while using a sandwich bag.

leogachi 15

@8 The only reason it hurts is because you think it's going to hurt. If you're prepared for pain, you're tense and not in the right mindset for your body to prepare for sex.

MonstreBelle 28

Not to mention how easily a vagina can get scraped up and cause infections. Sandwich bags aren't exactly soft, especially in places where they crease. It makes me cringe just thinking about it. OP, love your vagina and get some condoms!

Not to mention that sandwich bags aren't exactly as fail proof as condoms. And #45, that isn't necessarily true. There are a lot of reasons it could hurt, especially on the first time.

PANDORUM89 21

depending upon the age of the girl she has probably already 'experimented' with objects/toys herself. With technology the way it is today, assuming every virgin hasn't enjoyed themselves is a bit outdated. That being said the first time wouldn't hurt just because it's the first time, it could be too big, no lubrication, wrong position, etc. Honestly if she is properly prepared and care is taken there shouldn't be anything but minor discomfort at the odd sensation.

My first time didn't hurt, but I also couldn't feel anything at all. It was the most useless thing I've ever done. It wasn't until I was with someone else who was slightly bigger that it hurt. I'll admit I used some stuff around a similar size to the first guy when on my own. But lube can make the difference between it hurting and not being able to feel much, especially when you use too much lube. Sandwich bags crinkle as well, there is no way I could take someone seriously if they offered to use a sandwich bag. It's also free to get condoms here in the UK if you just go to a clinic, they always offer them.

Dafuq you on about?! ^^

#45, do you have a vagina? Do you know what's going to hurt it and what's not? I didn't think so.

I don't think 45 is too far off, despite trying to sound like an authority on what all girl's vaginas do (I wouldn't claim to be that either, and I have one). There are definitely steps you can take to make sure it doesn't hurt so much; make sure everyone is calm and comfortable, properly lubricated, taking it at the right pace etc. etc. Really I think it's less useful saying it's normal for it to hurt because that absolves the girl's partner of all responsibility for making sure it doesn't.

amileah13 26

Girls have different first time experiences but it depends on size and girth of penis and the hymen if it's going to hurt as badly. I've heard of girls whose hymens were really bad and that they cried their first time even with large amounts of lubricant. It can hurt for anyone not saying everyone

I like that people are talking about lubricant here as well. My school didn't have the best sex education and when I was younger I was oblivious that makes and females should use lubricant as well. Some things that probably seem common knowledge really isn't.

oj101 33

He should buy his condoms via a self scan machine. No embarrassment involved. Or order them online in bulk for the future.

very childishly cute. ....what age u both r?

Too young for you is my guess.