Today, I finally decided to get a dog. I have always been wanting... - FML

By Anonymous - 11/4/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, I finally decided to get a dog. I have always been wanting to get one ever since I was a child. I bought a $1,400 Golden Retriever. I went out for lunch a few hours later with a friend, so I left my dog in the backyard. I came back home to a broken fence and no dog. FML

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Alexa, play "Paranoid" by Black Sabbath

Yappy neighborhood

Social distancing gone wrong

By Anonymous - 9/4/2016 15:26 - United States - Newville

Today, the nerves for my finals got so bad that I started stress-cleaning in my dream. FML

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By tillybonkers - 26/9/2018 22:00

Today, I helped a guy in a flaming car by busting his window to get him out. I didn't realize until after the crash scene was cleared, that I didn't just have his blood on me, but I also had cut from the window. Round 3 of aids testing here I come. FML

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By heretoserve - 27/9/2014 04:22 - United States - Winchester

Today, I got yelled, screamed, and cursed at by a customer until I was reduced to tears. This was all because I double-checked to make sure she wanted large fries. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2011 20:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I attended my extended family's Christmas dinner. All throughout, my grandmother kept complaining about how the food tasted like crap, and making sexual remarks such as how "the stuffings were far better in my day, if you know what I mean." FML

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By strayy - 30/9/2015 06:47 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my mother told me I should volunteer in Africa, because I might "get lucky, catch malaria and come back skinny". FML

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By Decisions6 - 16/4/2020 05:00 - Denmark - Aarhus

Testing, testing, 1-2, 1-2

Today, my therapist made me take a test to see what level my depression was at. There was a whole bunch of questions with multiple answers to choose from. One question was, "Do you find it harder to make decisions?" I couldn't decide which answer to pick. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2009 04:46 - United States

Today, I applied for college graduation. Turns out my advisor screwed me over and now I'm 1 credit hour short of getting my degree. Now I have to wait another semester and pay $3,500 just to take a one hour class on Bowling so that I can graduate. FML

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By Kate - 4/7/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, my mom said we are having a party for the 4th of July. Her definition of a party is my grandma coming over. FML

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By katiekat - 5/1/2010 20:24 - United States

Today, my ex looked at me for the first time in months. I felt like I could fly. Seconds later my flight ended. I fell down the stairs. FML

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By leez - 1/2/2009 10:43 - United States

Today, my roommate has gone home for the weekend. She forgot to turn her alarm clock off. Her door is locked. FML

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By toothfairy - 26/6/2009 14:20 - United Kingdom

Today, My 5 year old sister informed me she had left me a present in my bed. She had tied a ribbon around a dead rat's neck and propped it up on my pillow. The label says his name was Bert. FML

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By a - 12/2/2010 06:20 - United States

Today, I walked across my kitchen to go get my mom a blanket after she shoveled snow. I slipped and caught the kitchen chair with my side, landed on the floor and almost fracturing my knee cap. She then told me she wasn't cold. FML

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By JoannaG25 - 17/8/2010 11:43 - Netherlands

Today, I was told that in order to be considered for more jobs, I should remove my college degree from my resume. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2013 19:27 - Mexico - Celaya

Today, I got my third promotion at work in as many years. My husband congratulated me very briefly, before asking if this meant he no longer had to look for a job. FML

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By Diachronic - 12/9/2014 08:05 - United States - Lewiston

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

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By moetplease - 3/5/2012 16:32 - Singapore

Today, my grandma moved in with us. Along with her 36-year-old boyfriend that none of us knew about. FML

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By Trainwreck - 13/12/2009 17:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a serious talk. He told me that I was a quick-tempered emotional train wreck. He then said, "You know how we talked about getting married? Now the only way I'd marry you was if hell froze over." He smiled, gave me a kiss, and went to bed. FML

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By for fuck sake dad - 2/11/2012 23:50 - Ireland - Limerick

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

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By anon. - 17/11/2015 18:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, while working at the bar, I accidentally spilled a beer on my chest. Several drunk men whistled and seemed to enjoy what they saw so much that they bought even more drinks and started coming onto me. My boss asked if I could do it again on my next shift. FML

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By tye61 - 16/1/2016 12:54 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I finished a 2 hour Skype call with my girlfriend, only to realize I was using mobile data. FML

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By mynameis - 13/11/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, I was walking to the parking lot from class while texting. When I looked up as I approached my parking spot, I noticed the words "F*ck you Dave" keyed into my car. Hi, my name is Clare. Who's Dave? FML

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By needs_another_loan - 2/10/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, while I was at work, my wife discovered you cannot put out a grease fire with water. I came home to a frantic spouse, a fire department bill, and a newly destroyed kitchen. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2013 02:23 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months got upset and frustrated with me because he had yet to meet my mom. I'd told him on our first date that she passed away 4 years ago. FML

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By yes, yes it does :( - 30/4/2014 21:11 - United States

Today, I was waiting on a Canadian tourist at work, and he bought some of the most expensive stuff on the menu. I was excited about maybe getting a big tip, so I casually said that in the USA, waiters make most of our money off tips. The guy just snorted, "Sucks to be American, eh?!" and left. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2015 04:16 - United States - El Cajon

Today, my psycho landlord threatened to take me to court if I don't pay my rent on time this month. I'd totally understand if he weren't my father-in-law, and if the reason I didn't pay on time before was because of hospital fees I'd incurred for an emergency appendectomy. FML

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By Disgruntled - 16/3/2016 12:01 - United States - East Lansing

Today, my 2-year-old daughter started showing signs of understanding the potty training concept. She announced to my mother-in-law that she needed to go potty, only to be flatly told, "No, you don't." So she crapped herself. Now it's going to take forever to train her. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2012 17:55 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally dropped a sculpture at college, and it broke. Some weirdo wearing a pink cape and a fake moustache bitched me out and told me not to be such an attention-seeking drama queen. FML

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By gimpy - 23/6/2016 15:00 - United States - Panama City

Today, I was carrying my coffee from the kitchen to the coffee table and couch. Last week I had ACL surgery, so I'm on crutches. Unfortunately, I got the urge to sneeze on my walk to the couch. I didn't make it to the couch before I sneezed and spilled coffee everywhere. FML

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By tech_support - 4/11/2011 16:05 - Sweden

Today, at work, my mouse cursor kept randomly moving all over the screen, and messed up an entire day's attempted work. As I was leaving, I overheard one of my co-workers saying he'd plugged a wireless mouse adapter into my computer, and had been trolling me all day. FML

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By yblamemebiatch - 16/3/2016 10:56 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out a colleague spread lies about me because she somehow thinks I'm to blame for the hot guy at work not wanting to date her. Perhaps she should blame his fiancé. FML

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By saywhat - 26/11/2010 03:28 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2012 05:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

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By Username - 1/7/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, I was so broke that I paid for a $0.28 candy bar with my credit card. FML

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By I think its dead - 15/1/2013 07:33 - Canada - Brandon

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

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By nohair - 24/4/2011 14:06 - United States

Today, I shaved my head because I heard that one of my good friends got cancer. I went to visit her in the hospital. She's not bald. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, it was my first day as an animal control officer. My first dispatch was to collect a dog that had been hit by a car. I had to clean up my dead dog on my first day of a job that barely pays rent. FML

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By fuck - 16/12/2014 21:04 - Norway - Slemmestad

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

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By shorty4 - 13/7/2012 14:36 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend, who is a fully-grown man, that making dinosaur noises in public is no longer acceptable. FML

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By kittykat - 8/8/2009 18:02 - United States

Today, I snuck out of my bedroom to go pee very quickly, so I wouldn't wake up my new puppy who doesn't like being away from me. In the 60 seconds it took me to pee, wash my hands and walk back into the room she had pooped, peed, and left potty-paw-prints all over my bed. FML

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By madari - 21/10/2012 23:11 - Spain - Benalm?dena

Today, my husband and I went to marriage counselling. I confessed something that was bothering me, but he didn't understand. Our counselor repeated word-for-word what I said right back at him. He turned to me angrily and shouted, "Why couldn't you just say that the first time?!" FML

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Top comments

By YDIlover | 0

#101856 - Saturday 11 April 2009 12:02

Why didn't you tie it up? If it was a new pet, you don't know how it's going to react. YDI for not making sure it was secure!

By 4percent | 0

#101869 - Saturday 11 April 2009 12:10

dont have kids, please
you cant even take care of a dog...

Comments

By YDIlover | 0

#101856 - Saturday 11 April 2009 12:02

Why didn't you tie it up? If it was a new pet, you don't know how it's going to react. YDI for not making sure it was secure!

Reply

ACanadaGuy | 0

#2023677 - Sunday 30 January 2011 2:36

Why would you pay 1,400 for a dog from a puppy mill when you could just get one from a shelter? YDI for that and not making sure the dog was secure.

Reply

hellryu | 20

#5774443 - Sunday 1 December 2013 14:05

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

SneezyBear | 27

#6055568 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 16:09

Wow. God Forbid you should ever get into a horrible accident and are unable to form any new relationships because no woman could stand seeing your 'abused body'. What a shallow, shallow person.

By beechy1996 | 0

#101863 - Saturday 11 April 2009 12:05

I wouldnt leave my dog alone if it was tied up!!!

Reply

abbyelizabeth | 9

#3406226 - Saturday 8 October 2011 21:20

I wouldn't buy a dog for that much. You can help out a dog at the pound for three times cheaper.

Reply

finalyearsofhate | 22

#5685170 - Monday 23 September 2013 0:48

A lot less than a third of that.. The shelter I volunteer for charges 55 for a dog, 110 for a puppy, and that includes altering, shots, microchip, etc. Irresponsible people like OP shouldn't have dogs in the first place.

By AnneFTW | 17

#101864 - Saturday 11 April 2009 12:05

OMG that sucks! LOL

Reply

bacon_lover100 | 11

#5819875 - Tuesday 7 January 2014 18:09

You're an asshole

By 4percent | 0

#101869 - Saturday 11 April 2009 12:10

dont have kids, please
you cant even take care of a dog...

Reply

mikuxxhatsune | 31

#6427330 - Monday 5 October 2015 8:10

Oh crap, I left the baby on the train!

By Mnemic | 5

#101873 - Saturday 11 April 2009 12:12

I would have kept the dog inside the house. Also then you can check if he's housetrained or not. ;)

By Jasper_fml | 0

#101876 - Saturday 11 April 2009 12:17

why the fuck did you leave a $1,400 golden retriever in your back yard? you deserved it, asshole.
and why would you BUY a dog when there are so many DYING IN THE STREETS?

Reply

iJasper | 8

#2877857 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 0:13

-.-

By hk_fml | 9

#101878 - Saturday 11 April 2009 12:18

wow
over a thousand dollars for a dog. D:
And then you fucking lost it!

That was really stupid, leaving the expensive dog out!

By tWitt3rBuG | 0

#101880 - Saturday 11 April 2009 12:21

If i get a new dog, i wouldn't leave the house for a week. You supposed to get them used to you. YDI!

By plethora | 3

#101894 - Saturday 11 April 2009 12:40

Lesson learned: Don't buy a pet without checking that your house and yard are secure enough for it. And don't spend 1400 on a dog, FFS!

YDI.

Reply

klovemachine | 24

#4702019 - Wednesday 18 July 2012 1:11

Fail

By blland | 0

#101902 - Saturday 11 April 2009 12:57

stolen?