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The pain of an anal fissure is said to feel like shitting shards of glass. Sounds like the loudest screams will be coming from your bathroom rather than from your nursery.

Between your bowel movements and not getting any sleep because of your newborn your life's going to be a pain in your ass.

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Yeah, a shitty situation if you ask me.

YDI. Your doctor warned you, you have no excuse for not doing as he said.

For the love of god, and everything that is holy, PLEASE stop the puns involving shit.

"Hi, I can make a bad pun that's been used at least a million times. Just watch me." Do people actually find shit jokes funny anymore? What's the thought process.

Now OP knows what gay men go through

Shit jokes are funny but overused shit jokes are not.

Ha. That's so funny last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur... ...And last time I heard that, I was watching Stepbrothers.

27- I'm sorry but you cannot control natural things in other words when you need to go you need to go.

have you heard of commas?

THANK YOU. Ask anyone with Crohn's, colitis, IBS, some eating disorders, or even someone who uses opiates... Sometimes all the laxatives, suppositories or Kaopectate in the world can't exert control over your colon.

At least you'll have experience!

There are somethings that you don't want to experience or need to experience. Like bestiality.

No, 29 spelled it correctly.

Now what, Kitty? *does a dance* Chipmunk-1 Grammar Nazi-0

37 - lol, you are weird (in a good way). As for the grammar nazi, I took a class on sexual deviance in pop culture, once. When we were studying Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid, the prof got so sick of everyone spelling "bestiality" incorrectly that she told us to remember this to help us: "Sex with animals is the BEST!" Also, I find it interesting that you're (incorrectly) correcting people when your profile implies you don't like grammar nazis.

I love being weird. Normal is boring.

Damnit.. Does that mean I've been searching for porn by typing the wrong spelling this whole time? . . Even with the wrong spelling I get a million results. This kitten is not the only one that's messed up haha.

The pain of an anal fissure is said to feel like shitting shards of glass. Sounds like the loudest screams will be coming from your bathroom rather than from your nursery.

R.I.P. OP's toilet

Sure that'll make her feel so much better.

She should've listened to her doctor. I feel sorry for her, but the truth is the truth. You have to take care of yourself as much as your new baby.

4 - Doc, whats worse an anal fissure or a recto-vaginal fistulae?

The fistula is much worse. Fissures usually heal without surgery, while R-V fistulae usually don't.

what's a rectal fissure? im too scared to google it for fear of unforgettable images.

It's exactly what you think it is.

Don't look it up on wiki either then...

Igive - An anal fissure is a year of the skin surrounding the anus. It's thought to be caused by an overactive external anal sphincter, and it usually heals spontaneously if stool softeners and topical medicines are used. Occasionally Botox is used to relax the muscle and allow it to heal, and surgery is a measure of last resort.

If OP's fissures aren't that bad, soaking in warm water in either Epsom salt or baby shampoo will help heal them faster. And they don't look that bad, just like small paper cuts.

Despite the level of pain, I feel a YDI is in order due to not taking your doctors advice seriously. Especially after having a baby. Gotta take care of yourself for your familys' sake :)

That's how I was born. ;)

You piece of shit...

...who punches women in the vagina.

To those who thumbed me down, take a gander at his pro pic. Horrors.

Challenge completed

Between your bowel movements and not getting any sleep because of your newborn your life's going to be a pain in your ass.

I SEE WAT U DID THAR.

Well i should hope so.

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Welcome to the Internet, where TMI means about as much to the world as "Aw it can't hurt that bad!" means to OP.

People have it worse, you know! Be lucky it's just that! :) TMI moment: I have IBS and I usually go through severe constipation for one to two weeks (no BM at all), followed by one to two weeks of diarrhea and/or painful (in my gut, I mean) BMs. I get anal fissures all the time - so much so that I CONSTANTLY have one that never heals. And yes, I have given birth, so I know what it feels like lol... A burning ass hole is nothing compared to childbirth! :P But anyway, good luck with that. Get a stool softener and don'tsweat it.

Yeah... That was definitely a TMI moment.

Two weeks with no bm?? How can that be? I can't even imagine the pain involved.

I have basically the same thing. Runs in my family. Sucks. Makes life extremely difficult too. Never know when you'll be able to go on a long car ride or watch a movie or even eat without pain in general. Although the pain may be due to my lack of a gallbladder. Not sure.

My colon shut down when I was 13, I went for maybe a week with no BM also, it hurt like hell! I now have an ileostomy.

F all your lives ^

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It's easier to give birth to twins. The second one hardly hurts since the "pathway" is already open.

She's right, I had twins and it's nothing. Then again I was so full of drugs and adrenaline anything would have been easy at the time. Lol

^she is totally right. The second twin is nothing compared to the first. Anal fissure sound wayyyy worse than double childbirth.

52/53- It looks like you just agreed with yourself and my first thought was Multiple Personalities Disorder. Shut up, don't post that, it's rude! You don't know how many FMLers actually have that!

That sounds beyond painful. I hope you're able to get it treated.

you usually have to work them out yourself with stool softeners etc while they heal :( and hope you don't reopen it while its healing :s good luck OP! weetabix and plenty of fluids :P

Maybe there was anal leakage, huh?