Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time...

By Anonymous - 10/7/2011 04:18 - United States

Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46551

You deserved it

8132

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Top comments

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#2860727 - Sunday 10 July 2011 12:23

My favourite part is how she just left when you guys were done.

You didn't have to pay for that sex, right? I can't imagine what runs through a hooker's mind when you tell her, "Don't wake my parents..."

By xxmollyxx | 25

#2860725 - Sunday 10 July 2011 12:23

How the hell did she manage that?

Comments

By EamNim | 0

#2860723 - Sunday 10 July 2011 12:23

OUCH!

JoeTheMan12 | 0

#2860876 - Sunday 10 July 2011 13:11

what a he'll of a first experience for you OP, at least you have a good story to tell your kids when they are older?

klonopin_ftw | 0

#2860990 - Sunday 10 July 2011 14:20

like OP will be able to have kids after that. even if he does, they're gonna be slower than normal. you dont crush your balls and have normal kids afterwards.

starile | 19

#2861030 - Sunday 10 July 2011 14:40

Wow, OP. LIKE A BOSS. Props, man.

Drigr | 8

#2861778 - Sunday 10 July 2011 18:10

32 - this wasn't his first time. he said first time in I don't know how long (aka in a while)

tjv3 | 10

#2864031 - Monday 11 July 2011 2:02

wow you are a trooper for continuing after she crushed them. next time though go with a smaller girl lol

tjv3 | 10

#2864041 - Monday 11 July 2011 2:03

smaller as in weight.

Reign_fml | 3

#2864208 - Monday 11 July 2011 2:48

that's what they call busting a nut...

tittymagic | 0

#2865295 - Monday 11 July 2011 8:36

how the hell can you act cool? I would cry a very manly cry...

Barn312009 | 0

#2874221 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 11:56

lol nice

SW500 | 13

#3129510 - Thursday 18 August 2011 0:47

Bruised? He'll have kids just fine. People get bruising in hernia operations all the time.

By xxmollyxx | 25

#2860725 - Sunday 10 July 2011 12:23

How the hell did she manage that?

Edwinadii | 4

#2860789 - Sunday 10 July 2011 12:47

There is a part on a womens body that is called "Egg pan"....Thats in the middle of the vagina and the asswhole....Thats were the mans "eggs" crush againts wen fucking...Im asuming he fucked em up there xD

22cute | 17

#2861028 - Sunday 10 July 2011 14:38

that's complete made up BS. There is no such part of the female body. Geez, read a medical anatomy book.

airforce987 | 20

#2861253 - Sunday 10 July 2011 15:48

55 ...too...many...big...words *head explodes*

myxcure | 2

#2861611 - Sunday 10 July 2011 17:17

55, all true, but where is the asswhole located?

flockz | 19

#2861851 - Sunday 10 July 2011 18:28

3- u can thumb me down but when i first saw your pic i saw a giant shit someone had taken in a toilet lol

a_nutritionist | 10

#2861870 - Sunday 10 July 2011 18:31

infront of the asshalf, everybody knows that.

Easye123 | 0

#2862855 - Sunday 10 July 2011 20:25

pwnd by the dictionary!!! yeeees

BIEBERSLAYER | 10

#2863031 - Sunday 10 July 2011 21:26

she had a massive ass

soccergurl95 | 8

#2864671 - Monday 11 July 2011 5:18

haha 109 just made my day lmfao!

sarasweetie | 0

#2869210 - Monday 11 July 2011 21:39

it wasnt a GIRLS balls it was his.

abcd4242 | 0

#2876752 - Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:18

soccergurl95 is awesome!!

Xtra_Cheddar | 3

#2889204 - Thursday 14 July 2011 9:36

yah soccergurl95 is pretty much hot

purpleninjaa | 0

#3080344 - Wednesday 10 August 2011 20:02

55 your a dumbass

purpleninjaa | 0

#3080358 - Wednesday 10 August 2011 20:05

I meant 51 not 55. My iPods gay

GSpotMach | 8

#5416570 - Saturday 23 March 2013 5:35

*you're

teentee401 | 36

#6015594 - Tuesday 22 July 2014 21:45

You made a typo and somehow that makes your iPod a homosexual?

Get some better vocabulary.

By allmidnighteyes | 10

#2860727 - Sunday 10 July 2011 12:23

DjeePee | 24

#2860850 - Sunday 10 July 2011 13:03

Why is that your favourite part? Maybe she wasn't allowed to spend the night with him, they still seem like teenagers to me. And he didn't call her his girlfriend, so it might even be a random girl. But even then there is no reason to call her a hooker.

memphius | 4

#2861604 - Sunday 10 July 2011 17:15

once you get the bill from the hospital, you are gonna realize how much that sex really cost you.......

1215116a | 14

#2861772 - Sunday 10 July 2011 18:09

27, on FML you can call anyone hookers. That's how teh Interwebz work.

a_nutritionist | 10

#2861880 - Sunday 10 July 2011 18:34

@27 in the world of fml, everyone whos not the person commenting or their friends is either a whore or a prude. its kind of like a tag for stupidity.

By youliketacos | 0

#2860728 - Sunday 10 July 2011 12:23

Somebody's a little rough in bed...

swasticop | 0

#2868740 - Monday 11 July 2011 20:18

time to crush her ovaries!

By ryno101 | 3

#2860731 - Sunday 10 July 2011 12:23

so you still have blue balls?

SwaggerMelon | 6

#2861828 - Sunday 10 July 2011 18:25

It's going to look like you got a BJ from a smurf.

codyw152 | 0

#2862996 - Sunday 10 July 2011 21:19

lol

apegirl907 | 0

#2864515 - Monday 11 July 2011 4:07

haha

Smokingweenies | 3

#2867037 - Monday 11 July 2011 15:44

Nah, forget blue balls. He got himself a nice pair of green ones. You know, from all the radiation he'll be getting for his testicular cancer.

By volley4eva1698 | 0

#2860734 - Sunday 10 July 2011 12:23

I wouldn't have waited a minute if my balls were crushed..even though I'm a girl

starile | 19

#2861038 - Sunday 10 July 2011 14:45

You obviously don't understand how hot this girl was, and the imperativeness of taking it like a man.

DKjazz | 20

#2861691 - Sunday 10 July 2011 17:41

Taking it like a man, as only a man can.

By chillinAK | 9

#2860736 - Sunday 10 July 2011 12:24

Wow. I could say something crass like - at least you have blue balls, but damn. How? Some real active cowgirl action? Reverse maybe?

chillinAK | 9

#2860742 - Sunday 10 July 2011 12:26

meant don't have blue balls.

cenax27 | 0

#2860931 - Sunday 10 July 2011 13:44

reverse cow girl sucks, u gotta go helicopter or the safer missionary position

Saltime | 0

#2861729 - Sunday 10 July 2011 17:55

35 - Tell me more! I want to know all about the positions you use!

...Wait, no I don't.

cenax27 | 0

#2863084 - Sunday 10 July 2011 21:48

hey buddy go fuck yourself :)

decidedlyvague | 11

#2866181 - Monday 11 July 2011 11:16

so wait, you have to lie the girl on top of you and spin her?

By FruityLoooons | 8

#2860738 - Sunday 10 July 2011 12:25

How the hell do you act cool from crushed balls, man?

Glitterhinoceros | 14

#2861579 - Sunday 10 July 2011 17:11

You hold the tears back untill she leaves, then start bawling.

DKjazz | 20

#2861733 - Sunday 10 July 2011 17:56

Give 87 some thumb love, they said "bawling".

windfuelsfire | 10

#2861811 - Sunday 10 July 2011 18:21

my thoughts exactly! he must have a good popopopopopoker face

Super_Salo | 0

#2864249 - Monday 11 July 2011 2:58

you arent supposed to

GuessWhatKids | 13

#2865121 - Monday 11 July 2011 7:38

99- I can think of a few kinds of "thumb love" 87 might be interested in.

By TheSithAssassin | 15

#2860739 - Sunday 10 July 2011 12:26

Props for waiting, loss for having to "wake your parents". I just want to know how and in what position.

gunman15 | 4

#2863513 - Monday 11 July 2011 0:39

teabag

cheeks337 | 0

#2905495 - Saturday 16 July 2011 11:36

dude this is crazy this has happend to me to it f****** hurts

By ilovecookies83 | 0

#2860743 - Sunday 10 July 2011 12:28

I didn't even know that was possible :S