Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML
Today, while having sex with my wife, I got a sudden leg cramp. While sliding off the bed, I found a sewing needle. With my ball sack. I ended up with a one-inch gash. FML
Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML
Today, I had sex with a guy I really liked. His testicle spontaneous turned inside his sack and he blacked out from the pain. He peed my bed, and I had to rush him to the ER so they could turn it back. Had to explain to his family and doctors what happened. It was my first time meeting them. FML
Today, I was lying in bed throwing a football in the air and catching it. I missed a catch, and the ball hit me between the legs. I shoved my hands down my pants because it hurt, just as my step-dad walked into the room and saw me holding my crotch and moaning. FML
Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML
Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML
Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML
Today, me and my boyfriend had sex but stopped when I felt pain downstairs. That evening he wanted me to go to the emergency room but I wanted to sleep it off. Turned out I needed surgery. One of my fallopian tubes had ripped. The sex was so rough, I got an intravenous hemorrhage. FML
Today, I was naked and the wife tried to flick my bum with a wet towel. Unfortunately I bent over at the wrong moment and the towel cracked right against the underside of my dangling penis. The whole underside is bruised, it hurts to pee, and God help me tomorrow if I get morning wood. FML
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Top comments
hXcsoccerplaya 0
those nightmares must suck balls! heh heh
perdix 31
Whatever you do, don't go see "The Nutcracker!" You'll have another nightmare and completely crush your 'nads!
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Comments (97)
AtrumMessor 1
Wait... so your instinctive panic response is to deathgrip your nuts? Pretty sure that's a sign that you're not supposed to procreate, we don't need that in our gene pool. God, I love when the problem is part of the solution...
FAILAGE 0
lolz, thats not an fml, that's hillArious!!!
S3A82 0
FAKE: During Rapid Eye Movement (REM), the brain stem blocks impulses, leaving your body virtually paralyzed and protecting you, as well as those around you from any impulses felt while asleep. Coincidentally, the ONLY time you can dream is during REM. Psychology FTW!
Isoldael 27
Of course there is no such thing as sleepwalkers (who also do this during the REM phase)... Or jolting and making involuntary movements when you wake up after a nightmare
ninix3_fml 0
epic
hutsmundi89 0
HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
kisseshugsdrugs 5
what wer you on?
suckmysarcasm 10
well if u dont have a dreamcatcher to catch nightmares here lies the alternative..
infantry831 0
fake
jakeidk 0
ummm... never falling asleep like that after a scary movie
_slammed_ 7
oh holy crap, that even hurts when i read it! FYL