Today, I learned there's no feeling quite as painful as being...

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 00:01

Today, I learned there's no feeling quite as painful as being stuck on the toilet at 2 a.m. and hearing your dog sneak into your room and eat your dinner, all while being completely powerless to stop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 684

You deserved it 425

Epic Easter: Chases and Chutes
From egg hunts gone wrong to unforgettable family dinners, Easter has never been so much fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/03/2012 11:57 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, instead of waking up to soft sunlight creeping in the window or the gentle trill of birds, I was awakened by the sound of my dog vomiting all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 615

You deserved it 2 843

By mayhemily - 21/09/2015 16:22 - Canada - Aurora

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 476

You deserved it 2 974

By good_gravy - 20/02/2012 19:39 - United States

Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 216

You deserved it 3 630

Top of the mornin' to ya!

By Anonymous Taco Man - 03/08/2021 08:01 - United States

Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 98

By Mike - 25/04/2011 21:39

Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 736

You deserved it 6 391

By ashleyramsay - 23/10/2009 19:13 - Canada

Today, I heard whimpering while I was in my bedroom. Thinking it was my parents doing something nasty, I let them do it and turned on my music. My parents came home from work and I realised they were never home. I went into the room and saw my dead dog laying on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 691

You deserved it 11 801

By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 11:37 - United States

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 163

You deserved it 2 767

Stuck

By notmansbestfriend - 12/08/2013 16:09 - United States - Williamsburg

Today, I was stuck on the toilet for hours after eating some questionable seafood. During this time, I watched through the open door as my dog destroyed the nice shoes I just bought, as well as the tux I rented for my sister's wedding. The wedding is in 12 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 266

You deserved it 7 821

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 05/07/2019 14:00

Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 681

You deserved it 294

By Anonymous - 09/08/2018 20:30

Today, I couldn't sleep. I had to pee really badly but I'm terrified of the dark, so I closed my eyes all the way to the bathroom. On the way, I tripped over my dog and fell face-first into the door frame. He then humped me as my nose bled all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 3 363

julfunky 29

Monday 29 July 2019 1:48

Rule number one when you have dogs: do not leave your food out when you leave the room. Even if your running to the toilet, toss that plate somewhere high first.

blondie45 21

Monday 29 July 2019 1:08

Why are you having dinner at 2am?

Comments

blondie45 21

Monday 29 July 2019 1:08

Why are you having dinner at 2am?

toodamntall 9

Monday 29 July 2019 2:11

OP could be a shift worker, they might have just gotten back from an event that ran late, they could be a night owl, or maybe just just forgot to have it earlier. I used to work from 3pm to midnight and wouldn't get home until 1am in the morning, so I regularly had dinner between 1 and 2 am

julfunky 29

Monday 29 July 2019 1:48

Rule number one when you have dogs: do not leave your food out when you leave the room. Even if your running to the toilet, toss that plate somewhere high first.

Sam Siggers 8

Monday 29 July 2019 21:00

agreed too many times have i been lazy and my dog has eaten my diiner after stepping out of my room for like 2 mins

BurnInDemonFire 33

Monday 29 July 2019 3:21

I'll avoid the miserable route, and say YDI for not taking 5 seconds to put it out of his reach.

BigSissy 14

Tuesday 30 July 2019 1:47

Sometimes when nature calls, you don’t have five seconds. Just saying.

BurnInDemonFire 33

Wednesday 31 July 2019 0:08

There's always time to save the precious, pal, even if it comes at such a high risk.

RichardPencil 30

Monday 29 July 2019 4:34

If it’s the fine fare you’re accustomed to, your dog will get the ***** before dawn.

Mungolikecandy 19

Monday 29 July 2019 7:00

That is more an inconvenience than "no feeling quite as painful". You must have led a very sheltered life if you really believe that.

Mathalamus 24

Monday 29 July 2019 7:16

Close. The. Door. You deserved that for being an idiot around pets.

Sady_Ct 37

Monday 29 July 2019 9:28

Teach it not to touch feed even left un attended. My 7 yr old dog and my 9month old pup both leave the room if there is someone eating, and they don’t sneak human food. And no I didn’t have to abuse them to teach them this. It just took time, effort and patience.