Today, I discovered a brown recluse spider in my house. Before I could smash it, it escaped under the door. Now I'm freaked out and wearing boots and gloves, clutching at my kittens and waiting for it to appear. My dad laughs everytime he walks past. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I saw a scorpion crawling across the kitchen floor. While trying to swat it towards the middle of the floor to prevent it from escaping as I looked for something to kill it with, my cat came to investigate. Kitty thought I was playing with a new toy and joined in by batting the scorpion under the oven. I know it's plotting its revenge. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML
Today, knowing that I have severe arachnophobia, my brother brought over his friend's tarantula. One hour later, the spider got loose. It's been 5 hours and I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
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Top comments
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I don't blame you. Spiders are terrifying.
AGhost5445 25
Your dad is a brave man.
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Comments (155)
loserboii 11
Kill it with fire!
Futacy 30
Eat its soul so it can't reincarnate.
emeraldisle 30
I'd probably do the same thing OP. A brown recluse is definitely a spider you don't want to see again.
vbmg152 19
I was bitten by one a year ago on my breast! While this might sound funny to those whom are immature, it's not! The skin started necrotizing and I still have a scar the size of a quarter! The docs were no help! They said if the tissue keeps dying after a week, come back! Ha!! Like I'd have gone back to those quacks!
BubbleGrunge 18
Our neighbor was bitten by a brown recluse, and it wasn't until half her calf was ate half off did they realize what the mysterious flesh eating problem was.
vbmg152 19
Wow! It really does eat your flesh! The area gets all black! It looks like that flesh eating bacteria!
Futacy 30
*cue 80's music* Who you gonna call? EXTERMINATOR!!! But really, if there's one, there's probably more. You should call an exterminator. Don't worry though, they very rarely bite.
vbmg152 19
I beg to differ! I was bitten by one!
Futacy 30
Sorry, that sounds awful. But what I really meant was that it rarely bites unprovoked.
salvorican 24
24 - You were one of the rare people. Feel special, you can now say you're a one in a million individual
Eorlas 31
Just because you were bitten by one doesn't mean they don't rarely bite. Rarely does not mean never.
Karma21 4
Spiders , there freaky as **** when u know they can kill you
DocBastard 40
I'm surprised the little ****** came out of hiding. It's supposed to be a recluse, the lying bastard.
ICastillo 25
It's Halloween Doc all those creepy little bastards come out on Halloween.
vbmg152 19
Addition to my earlier comment- By the way OP, I'm in VA, too! I got bit in my living room! I kill brown recluses regularly!
salvorican 24
Well OP, if I were you I would move. To another state. On another planet.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Oh I wouldn't go there if I were you, Martian spiders are the worst!
jetsown08 21
I hear Uranus is nice this time of year.
Axipiter 24
Why, thank you!
perdix 31
Just call it your pussy and be done with it! We don't need a female equivalent of chicken, monkey, weasel, ferret, gibbon, etc. to describe genitalia. Certainly, getting a spider bite there would be very unpleasant, but we don't need any more animal euphemisms.
NotSpiderman 1
I really hope you're being sarcastic- If I was talking about that part of my body, I would have said the correct term for it! I meant actual, living kittens, who go searching for bugs to kill- they're the ones I'm worried about, not quite myself. (Though Im taking no chances. It's shaking out my shoes and clothes for the next week for me!)
eggmarie 25
Perdix is the king of sarcasm.
marramrammar 2
Simple thing to do is spray bug killer surrounding the area it crawl under. Or you can simply set off a fumigator and ensure all bugs in proximity dies. Of course put the animals outdoor.