Today, I shaved my pubes while staying at my senile grandma's... - FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Saint Leonards

Today, I shaved my pubes while staying at my senile grandma's place. I guess I didn't clean up properly, because she found some hair and insisted someone must have broken in while we were out and used the shower. I had to play along to spare myself embarrassment. FML

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Does it taste good?

Hello everyone!

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By Oh_baby - United States

Today, I checked facebook, only to find out that my close cousin is now married. When I looked at the pictures, I saw that my whole family was there - including my sister, mother and father. I was the only one who wasn't invited. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my mom started getting ready for the Rapture. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I needed someone to talk to because I just found out my aunt has cancer. She told me to talk to her in an hour, Spongebob was on. FML

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By anonymous - Lebanon

Today, I went on an overnight airplane flight. I wanted to be comfy so I took off my shorts, threw a blanket over myself, and slept. When the lights came back on, I ran to the bathroom before they served food. After using the bathroom, I noticed I hadn't put my shorts back on. FML

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By that was mine - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, my mom cleaned out my bank account, saying my "no-good dad" owes her child support and that she'll get it one way or another. FML

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By bookworm - United States - Victoria

Today, my supervisor was watching a video of his son. I heard a voice in the background and asked if it was Elmo. It was his wife. FML

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By makin bacon

Bad smell

Today, my idiot roommate read somewhere that bacon grease could be used on squeaky doors and windows. Now, we're desperately trying to scrub the rancid goop out of door hinges and window tracks. Our whole place smells like rotten pig ass and death! FML

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By jerkgirl - United States

Today, while getting my hair done, I was annoyed that the beautician was not paying attention while straightening my hair. After asking her three times to watch what she was doing, I grabbed the iron and said "let me do it, you're going to burn me!". I then burned two layers of skin off my ear. FML

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By artclasstrauma - United States

Today, in my art class we had to paint a nude portrait of a fat, old woman. About halfway through the piece, and while painting her fat rolls, I realized she was the only person other than myself I had ever seen naked. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2020 17:01

Nutritious

Today, I caught my dog “cleaning” the cat’s litter box. He won’t be giving me any kisses anytime soon. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I've been freezing in my office for days at work. When I finally complained about it to a coworker, she led me into my office, said, "Let me show you something," then pointed out the thermostat I'd never noticed was even there and turned it up with a pitying look. FML

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By Shoe - United States

Today, my boss told me he suspected his wife was cheating on him. I told him to pull up her Facebook page to look for suspicious activity. I looked at her profile picture and said, "Damn, that girl next to her fine! You know her?" It was his sixteen year old daughter. FML

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By Nemesis2747 - United States

Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML

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By FuglyBetty - Norway - Arendal

Today, my dad finally added me on Facebook, When I looked through his photos, I quickly noticed he'd heavily photoshopped the photos I'm in to make me look prettier. FML

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By wtfkasey - Canada - Dundas

Today, I walked in on a raccoon viciously tearing apart a giant bag of dog food, not five feet away from my sleeping dog. FML

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By lala456 - United States

Today, I had my noise-canceling headphones on and a girl sitting next to me raised her glass at me. I thought she meant "cheers". So I did a "cheers" with her. When I drank my juice, it was only then did I realize that she was trying to tell me the flight attendant had mixed up our drinks. FML

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By broke4life

Today, my boyfriend called me to ask if I knew the serial number for my laptop. I had given him my $650 gaming laptop to sell in his electronics store because I didn't need it and could use the money. Apparently it was stolen at some point yesterday and his cameras were turned off. FML

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By vikingunicorn - Canada

Today, I was feeling very ill after a severe anxiety attack. I asked my boyfriend to hold my hand until I fell asleep. He said he couldn't because he needed both hands to play on his gameboy. FML

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By Imaman - United States

Today, I was working at a retirement center, when an old woman came to me and asked if I would like her old clothes. I politely said, "I'm sorry, but I'm a guy." She then said, "You could have just said no, instead of rudely lying to me." FML

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By cargaljen - United States

Today, my husband sweetly asked me, "You know what I'd really like to do if I had an extra $4,000?" Expecting a romantic answer, I asked what. He said, "I'd get you a tummy tuck." He still can't figure out what he said wrong. FML

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By Abby_gummibear - United States

Today, at the Mommy and Me dance class that I take my four year old daughter to, the instructor had us do a stretch, telling us to pretend we're mermaids. My daughter said to me, "But you're not a mermaid, you're a whale!" FML

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By JTBastry

Today, after graduating from culinary school, I was turned down by Chipotle, Jersey Mike's, and McDonald's entry-level jobs because I didn't have enough experience. FML

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By ppema - United States

Today, I went to a frozen yogurt stand with my dad. One of the flavors was called "Juicy Cherry." I had to stand there and watch in horror as he told the woman running the stand all about how he'd like to taste her juicy cherry. FML

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By cockblocked - United States - Goose Creek

Today, I asked my dad if my girlfriend could sleep over. He winked at me and agreed. When I brought her home, we went to my room for a quickie. There, I saw that my dad had taped multiple Richard Simmons posters to the wall, causing my girlfriend to suddenly come down with a "headache." FML

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By nekogirl15 - United States

Today, I convinced my best friend to talk to the guy I like at work to find out if he was interested in me. She came back ten minutes later, and told me he said he'd never be able to date me. Apparently, kissing me "would be like making out with Mother Teresa's corpse." FML

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By Username - United Kingdom

Today, I was listening to music while I wrapped Christmas presents. All was going well when the music was cut off, literally. I snipped the cable to my very expensive headphones in half. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, while babysitting, I brought over some colouring-in sheets as an activity. I said that I should bring some Christmas-themed ones for next time. The little girl then turned to me and said "If there is a next time." I've been put on probation by an 8-year-old. FML

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By ameremanapparently - United States - Carlisle

Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've never cheated in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, she made a big post on Facebook about what a dick I am. Pretty much all the comments went along the lines of "What a bastard." and "Ugh, men are pigs." FML

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By Falling off the wagon - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my uncle gave me a very expensive bottle of champagne at a celebratory family event. We were celebrating me spending 1 year sober. FML

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By syle - France

Today, my son forgot to log out of MSN. He had written, "When am I getting out of this place?" and his username was "mother fucker". FML

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By oldtexas - United States

Today, I bought a freezer mug that looks like it's full of water. I've been playing tricks on my friends by throwing the empty cup at them. After doing this a few dozen times, my 83 year-old mother came to visit. I played the same trick on her. The joke's on me. My Dad filled the cup. FML

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By frustrated - Ireland

Today, my brother deleted all traces of the novel I've been working on for three years from my laptop. The reason? When I was born I "stole all of Mum and Dad's attention." He's 24. FML

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By SpeakerPhone - France

Today, in a big meeting, my secretary calls me saying that I have an important call waiting. I put the call through. It was my beautician, confirming my appointment to get rid of an ingrown hair. I hurriedly confirm and hang up to see everyone in the room giggling. The speaker phone was on. FML

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By KPKallery - United States

Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML

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By and she blames me -_- - Canada - Calgary

Today, some ass-bandit broke into my house by smashing a window, just so he could steal the ancient VHS cassette player that my wife wouldn't let me throw away. Thanks, scumbag, but the front door was unlocked. FML

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By allinicolesmh - United States

Today, my dad said he can't go to my graduation because he has to work. He got fired a month ago. FML

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By dentinpalevo - Cyprus

Today, it's my first day-off for the holidays. Today is also the day they decided to start building a house next to mine. I can't sleep beyond 7 am. FML

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By turriblebday - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend took me out to dinner. While at the restaurant, she went to the bathroom. She was then escorted out of the restaurant for having sex in said bathroom. I was sitting at our booth the entire time. FML

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By Holly - United States

Today, I lied to the treadmill about my weight. FML

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Top comments

By maryic4ever | 19

#6393159 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 7:02

If you're gonna shave your pubes especially at someone else's house, make sure you clean up everything. No one likes to walk into the shower and see a bunch of pubes

By Killz268 | 18

#6393135 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 6:55

just say the scary pube monster was trying to get you in the shower.. she'll just forget about it in 15 minutes anyways

COMMENTS

By Killz268 | 18

#6393135 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 6:55

just say the scary pube monster was trying to get you in the shower.. she'll just forget about it in 15 minutes anyways

By fireandshadows | 12

#6393148 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 6:58

Nice

By maryic4ever | 19

#6393159 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 7:02

If you're gonna shave your pubes especially at someone else's house, make sure you clean up everything. No one likes to walk into the shower and see a bunch of pubes

By chaseafterwind82 | 29

#6393162 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 7:03

Why, WHY couldn't you have waited to shave your pubes? :-)

Reply

melisssa87 | 30

#6393344 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 12:27

He had to make his dick look bigger right this instant

By TheLawIsHere | 23

#6393163 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 7:04

What possible reason could you have in which in needed to shave your pubes as soon as possible?

Reply

A07 | 48

#6393653 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 18:09

Probably OP needed to send a dick pic

By Isandri | 29

#6393169 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 7:07

I would admit that i was shaving, becsuse now, your grandma might be scared to be broken into again, lots of unnecessary stress :(

By chaseafterwind82 | 29

#6393170 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 7:07

You could've said you'd trimmed the hair on your head, and then washed out loose hairs.

By limegreenpoopie | 31

#6393187 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 7:31

So....why didn't you clean it up?

By beeferjay | 34

#6393204 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 7:46

just tell her, she'll forget in a few minutes anyway

you played along like a cotton headed ninnymuggins, lol

By corky1992 | 33

#6393205 - Wednesday 26 August 2015 7:48

Better to have just admitted it than put your grandma into panic mode.

Reply

DeltaDragonxx | 20

#6394204 - Thursday 27 August 2015 4:35

how to fuck are you always so early to these things.