Today, I decided to play with my dog. I sat on the ground and whistled for him to come to me. I smiled when I saw him running at my happily. He sniffed me, turned around, lifted his leg and peed on me. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML
Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML
Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML
Today, I let my dog outside so he could pee. After an hour, I let him back in. He just wanted to come inside to pee on the floor. FML
Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML
Today, I was home sick and playing with my dog. I suddenly felt the urge to throw up, so I sprinted to the bathroom. My dog thought this was an invitation to chase me and tackle me to the floor. FML
Today, I went to a park to relax and read a book. A dog came up and started sniffing me. I tried to shoo it away, but it sat on my lap, and refused to move. His owner came up to me, laughed, and said, "Congratulations, you've been chosen!" as I tried to get rid of the mud all over my thighs. FML
Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML
Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML
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Top comments
iJeremyTyler 0
You're his territory now.
dolphincheddar 10
Maybe roleplaying as a fire hydrant isn't a good idea
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Comments (111)
allmidnighteyes 11
Welp. You're his bitch now.
macsterfun 3
Dammit, looks like I have competition -.-
detective_oreo 0
He has marked his territory...you are now your dogs bitch
kbt13 0
You just got R. Kelly'd
skigirl98 9
what?
Crzyitch 0
Thats a good one lol
CADMAN82 1
19. We will tell you when you're older.
WCARlover 35
he's just saying you're his territory :)
hollyman 0
Omg never role-play with ur dog ur his bitch now lol
Monkeyone 0
Lolololololol you stink
miraggg 1
Piss off! Har har har
asianperry 8
that's punny
ajbaby311 5
Lolz thats funny man
lopez1222 3
My dog did the same thing. Except he peed right down my crack..
Person1233 13
You tried anal with your dog? Wtf.
chelseaaababyyy 17
wtf ? *********** is illegal. you know that, right ?
chrstygrl06 10
Too bad it wasn't cat piss. You could have gotten high:P (South Park reference)
Punkpoptart1119 20
#23: ROFL!!! I wonder why nobody else thought of that...'you cannot touch my daughters awesome boobage' (I know those weren't the exact words, but oh well..) Haha..classic!!
coldsteele152 1
lol that sucks