Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled onto his lap and started to unzip his pants, he said, "You're blocking the TV." FML
Today, I tried coming on to my fiancé. He just pushed me off and got out of bed, saying he wasn't in the mood. A half hour later, I caught him jerking off to several windows of porn. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
Today, my husband decided to start seeing other people. I found out when I called and interrupted his date. FML
Today, during an episode of King of Queens that my boyfriend has seen more than once, I decided I'd try to get a little frisky. I straddled him while he was on the bed and began taking my clothes of. He pushed me out of the way and said, "Don't get naked in front of the TV." FML
Today, I started doing a striptease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when my husband suddenly came in naked. I thought we were gonna have some fun, and so tried to be sexy. He took a quick shower and left. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML
Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said, "I'm fuckin' BORED," and pulled out so he could go play his video games. FML
Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML
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Top comments
rangerPat 12
I'll take dick husbands for a thousand, Alex.
beehardxcore 26
What is "how to effectively ****-block oneself?"
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Comments (83)
mrperspire 4
What is: how does it feel to get turned down? Its how guys feel all the time.
perdix 29
#12, I argue that it's different for men and women. We're always sticking our . . . necks ;) . . . out trying to get sex, even if the odds are long so we handle rejection well. Women don't often offer sex, so they freak out when they get turned down. Her honor she offered Her offer I honored So all night long It was honor and offer
ahcetsf 2
AMEN TO THAT!!! Why can't a guy choose something over his girl once in a while without the woman flipping out? Women do it all the time. Don't like rejection? Don't reject. Understood?
happle 21
28 It kind of sounds like you're saying women should never reject sex. It's not like all women freak out when they're rejected.
rockydify 22
You can't just generalise like that. It's whichever partner has the highest sex drive. Sometimes that's the female.
beej821410 6
Lies perdix! I offer all the time and get shot down by my husband for mostly just stupid reasons. Like, "I'm driving in front of a cop", "my parents are on the other couch", "we're at a funeral". Bastard alway has an excuse.
ComoEsJuan 24
This is plausible..
HowieDoIt 21
Is that his final answer? If so, he's pressing his luck and the marriage may wipeout. If it does, you can come over here with me: Deal, or no deal?
AlittleSanity 11
That's it cut him off .... Oh yeah wouldn't work ..... hahahahaha ....Yeah not much you can do about that one. : )
perdix 29
"Is that a wet noodle in your pocket or are you not glad to see me?"
BlondeBubbles 6
I'll take rejected for 1200, Alex.
sparkjolt 10
Why is there always the stereotype that guys want sex 24/7? If your wife starts coming on to you and you're not in the mood she should respect that instead of whining on a website about it. it's not as if any guy that submits an FML of "I wanted to have sex but my girlfriend didn't. FML" would get it posted.
ChibiChibi_fml 27
I don't think it is so much that the sex offer was rejected so much as it is how it was rejected. It's one thing to say "I'm not really in the mood", "I don't feel like it right now", "Thanks for the offer but I'm not up for it and would rather watch Jeopardy". It is another to push your wife away demanding an explanation for her attempt to come one to you because a television show is starting that she (apparently) wasn't aware you were more interested in paying attention to right now.
ophel1a 7
you can thank the media for perpetuating all the wonderful gender stereotypes. ;D
buckdharma 37
Notice his answer was in the form of a question.
young_weezy_fml 3
put his future sex life in jeopardy
Schiffy 18
Well, at least he watches intelligent television.