Animals: Today, I found out that both of my cats are afraid of mice. So...

By Brain_fart - 18/09/2017 05:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I found out that both of my cats are afraid of mice. So far I've seen them run and hide from 3 different mice who've recently invaded my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 149

You deserved it 339

Animals

Broken heart

Walk the line

Compromises

By GamerAM - 27/06/2019 22:23

Today, after over a week of trying to get a hold of my doctor for a much-needed medication refill, he finally called back. Too bad my phone got unplugged and died in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 423

You deserved it 219

By anonymous - 26/03/2015 03:43 - United States

Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 854

You deserved it 2 907

By yoyo22 - 05/12/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, I was at the beach with my friend for vacation. We were playing Marco Polo in the ocean and I was Marco. I thought I heard my friend, so I lunged forward and grabbed her. Too bad it wasn't my friend, it was an old guy in a pink speedo, and I grabbed his butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 928

You deserved it 9 389

By happytuckerhappy - 30/12/2014 00:41 - United States - Chandler

Today, I set up a profile on a dating app, stating that I'm awkward amongst other things. Within minutes, a guy messaged me. I was thrilled, until he started threatening me because he has Aspergers, and according to him, only they are "allowed" to be awkward. I had to delete my profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 641

You deserved it 3 128

By mylifeissad - 30/12/2009 02:10 - United States

Today, I had to look up how to eat a mango on the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 237

You deserved it 37 881

By Anonymous - 07/08/2015 14:27 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss at my new job described a client as "retarded". I corrected him with "mentally disabled". He smirked and replied "Whatever. Just explain things to her real slow. After all, she's 'mentally disabled'. And a woman." I need this job so bad that I'll have to just put up with this asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 623

You deserved it 3 598

By tkr - 06/02/2012 03:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 909

You deserved it 39 816

By deadbeatdad - 15/11/2015 22:35 - United States - Edmond

Today, I popped two tires hitting a curb. I called my dad hysterical, and he told me to call my mom and hung up. My mom's been dead for seven years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 604

You deserved it 2 186

By Anonymous - 29/06/2013 15:09 - United States - Beacon

Today, my boyfriend called me pretty. Not because he actually thinks I'm pretty, but because "Hey, how else is a guy supposed to get laid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 914

You deserved it 7 013

By cabatt - 13/01/2019 04:00

Today, I'm a chef and I had a new set of knives delivered. My boss says to me, ''Be careful with your new knives, they're going to be sharp. You don't want to cut your nail off.'' Not 2 minutes later I chop my whole nail off my right index. He jinxed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 172

You deserved it 936

By ronniewciv - 30/12/2010 07:48

Today, I was delivering pizza in the rain. A woman answered the door, saw me soaking wet and said, "Wow this rain is terrible, it must be horrible to be out delivering in it." She then tipped me 21 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 507

You deserved it 3 751

By DED - 21/03/2019 12:00 - United States - Eugene

Today, I found out that a co-worker has been promoted to Store Manager. She has been here for less than 6 months, and I have been with the company for 10 years. Guess who has been training her for the last 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 357

You deserved it 252

By ilovesocks - 20/01/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I was hooking up with a guy I just met. Things were getting hot and heavy and he asked me if I had a condom. I said no, and to which he replied "that's okay, we can just use a sock" and pulled his sock off of his left foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 730

You deserved it 6 401

By itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug - 14/05/2014 20:58 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 280

You deserved it 4 797

Times have changed

By Anonymous - 29/11/2021 22:58

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 128

By Anonymous - 11/05/2019 02:00

Today, I noticed a spot on my leg that I wanted a closer look at. I went to put my phone screen towards it for more lighting while my sister was in front of me, looking. I'm pretty sure she saw my nude that I forgot was on the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 2 270

By bride - 27/03/2009 01:38 - United States

Today, I got married wearing a strapless dress. As I walked down the aisle, our wedding photographer stepped out behind me to get a shot of me approaching my husband. Instead of stepping out, though, he stepped on. Stepped on my dress. Pulling it completely down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133 788

You deserved it 10 255

By Anonymous - 11/04/2018 06:00

Today, I secretly turned off the internet to see what my kids would do. Barely 10 minutes later, I caught my oldest son masturbating to a photo of my sister in a bikini because, as he put it, "A man has needs and the internet's fucked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 588

You deserved it 2 130

Empathy

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 23:59 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I had a miscarriage. My partner doesn't understand why I'm upset, saying, "It wasn't even a real baby yet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 116

By WTF - 22/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boyfriend confided to me that he has a used condom collection. When I reacted with disgust, he "reassured" me that he only keeps the ones he uses with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 349

You deserved it 2 976

Zoning out

By puppylove - 05/05/2020 08:00

Today, my mother found me staring at my puppy's asshole. She had apparently been standing there for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 1 707

Confused

By Miranda - 07/06/2020 17:06

Today, I was going to walk up to my crush, kiss him, and tell him how I felt. We are already kind of touchy with each other, so I thought he liked me back. I walked up to him and kissed him. He kissed me back, then gently pushed me away. He quietly whispered, "I'm gay." Then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 642

You deserved it 426

By c.m.g. - 27/04/2011 10:50

Today, I was taking a dump in a porta-potty at a fair. I had the runs really bad. All I have to say is that it's tough to take a shit that seems never-ending while other people outside are bitching at you and hammering on the flimsy door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 083

You deserved it 3 818

By Anonymous - 26/06/2009 01:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Everything was going great until I noticed a small blinking light on my shelf. It turns out that it was a camera. My mom put it there to make sure I cleaned my room. She saw the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 539

You deserved it 10 883

By LifeFucksUsAll - 19/08/2009 19:44 - Canada

Today, I was on a date with a guy, we were sitting in a restaurant having a fairly good conversation, when I had to go to the washroom. I left the table and when I came back, he was gone. Along with my wallet and car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 685

You deserved it 13 054

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 18:47 - United States - Indiana

Today, I got locked out of my car for an hour in frigid weather at a busy gas station. Every time I tried to use the key, the alarm went off and the locks wouldn't work. The car company claims they've never heard of this happening. I just bought it last week after taking out a 5 year loan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 825

You deserved it 2 725

By LFE - 16/10/2013 04:40 - United States - Liberty Hill

Today, after applying at over 30 businesses over the past 6 months, I have had not one single call. I later find out that I was using my old phone number on the applications, and my secondary phone was my mom's. She thought they were telemarketers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 576

You deserved it 45 301

By hot_friend - 19/12/2013 06:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said he was in love with my best friend instead of me. I wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't the third boyfriend in a row this happened with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 887

You deserved it 4 865

Gross and weird

By Porkchop - 14/11/2021 23:00

Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend that it’s weird to defecate into your hand and throw it from the shower into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445

You deserved it 96

Caught

By luckoftheirish - 18/07/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that masturbating on an airplane isn't frowned upon like they say in the movie 'The Hangover'. It's actually illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 2 551

By bleeding - 06/12/2009 01:24 - United States

Today, while I was waiting for an interview, I picked at a something I felt on my chin thinking that it was just some food. I had a good interview. Then I got into my car and looked in the mirror, and saw that I had blood smeared all over my chin. Turns out I had picked a zit. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 214

You deserved it 6 573

By michael - 14/02/2012 02:55 - United States

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to take a dump out of a second-story window is a very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 181

You deserved it 41 892

By SaggyBoy135 - 12/07/2011 12:19 - United States

Today, my dad thought it would be OK to make sound effects for everything he did, in a public park, with me tagging along behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 877

You deserved it 3 549

By obviously not the favorite - 05/07/2017 18:37

Today, my mom called me a "useless spoiled brat" because I refused to drive my sister across the city just to buy flavored gelatin. I've had Amoebic Dysentery for 3 days now and need constant bathroom access. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 552

You deserved it 321

By ryanlogan - 31/08/2011 06:31 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend will only speak to me using Lady Gaga lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 590

You deserved it 5 689

Mah freedoms!

By Anonymous - 14/05/2020 14:00

Today, my roommate told me she's coming back from her family's large house in Reno to Hawaii, because she "wants to work." We have a 14-day visitor's quarantine. And my workplace extended this to travellers' roommates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 408

You deserved it 104

Problematic language

By Anonymous - 27/02/2021 05:01

Today, at my new retail job, I accidentally referred to white tank tops as, "Wife beaters." That's what I thought they were actually called, until my boss had to correct me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 356

By idk ask freud - 04/07/2013 04:11 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 642

You deserved it 9 859

When nature calls

By Andrew Williams - 11/12/2020 14:01

Today, as I was walking to go look at Christmas lights in my neighborhood, I really had to go number two. I called my dad to come and pick me up. I couldn’t hold it in much longer, so I took a crap in the sewer in the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 309

By viviham - 04/05/2012 12:08 - United States - Spring Branch

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 675

You deserved it 2 326

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Top comments

Glowworm56 25

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Monday 18 September 2017 13:38

Those poor cats have been watching too many cartoons where the mice win. They've seen what Jerry can do to Tom.

GhostFox 33

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Sunday 17 September 2017 2:17

Clean up and secure food sources, identify and seal entrances, and either use SAFE live capture traps or ones that kill as quickly as possible. For the love of mercy, DO NOT use sticky traps- they are horrifically inhumane, and also very unsafe if you have pets. Animals have ripped limbs off trying to get loose from them, and even ripped off their entire undersides trying to get free. You could possible try a super sonic noise generator designed to drive away mice and rats, but your cats may not tolerate that.

GhostFox 33

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Sunday 17 September 2017 2:17

bigtwobah 6

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Monday 18 September 2017 13:17

In 90% of cases, apartments invaded by mice are super messy. Clean up!

Brain_fart 20

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Sunday 24 December 2017 21:18

My place is always clean. it's the neighbors

Glowworm56 25

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Monday 18 September 2017 13:38

Those poor cats have been watching too many cartoons where the mice win. They've seen what Jerry can do to Tom.

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 18 September 2017 14:07

Your cats are pussies! I’m sorry you had to scroll down this far to reach this gem. It was like a fast ball over the middle of the plate — I don’t know why the previous batters didn’t swing at it.

Lobby_Bee 17

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Monday 18 September 2017 14:12

Stop feeding your cats and I'll guarantee they'll hunt those dirty bastards down in no time.

Tripartita 44

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Monday 18 September 2017 14:19

Clean up your house, OP! I know a few seconds of googling would've lead you to the same conclusion, but I consider it my duty to provide sage wisdom in response to humorous stories—no matter how obvious that wisdom is or how unlikely it is that you posted this with the hopes of getting unsolicited advice.

The_Khan 12

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Monday 18 September 2017 14:30

Get a mouse toy and play with it til their instinct wakes up. Eventually, they will play with the mice, and "accidentally" kill them.

really_dad? 13

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Monday 18 September 2017 15:33

Get a bigger and harder cat. Keep your pussy in line

Lillysar91 20

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Monday 18 September 2017 16:26

My cat was scared of his own tail...and we live in a country where in summer all the lovely cockroaches come out from hell!!! And he would freak out and run away! My other cat would play with them/ try to eat them and we had to stop him from ingesting it. Try setting a mouse trap and seal any possible entrance. We had a few mice come in from holes in the walls or vents and once sealed it stopped. Keep food off counters and the place more or less clean so they don't come for food we found the mouse sitting in a bag nibbling on toast with no worry in the world...