NRFTW tells us more.

A little more detail: This guy had wandered over from a party next door. It was almost 1 a.m., and during the holidays I work really late, so I came home, put my stuff away, and when I turned around there was a guy standing literally at my window, on my porch, pissing on my house. I walked out and started screaming at him (I know, probably not smart) to get the fuck off of my property. He said, "I'm just takin' a leak," finished his business, zipped up his pants, and leaned against the porch staring at me. That's when my brain caught up with what I was doing and I went back inside and called the cops. My porch runs the length of my (very small) house. The porch is open without a railing, and at this time there were also several other men sitting on my porch right under my bedroom window (closest to my neighbors yard). When I called, Weld County dispatch first told me that the police were "too busy" to come out, and I ended up on the phone with a cop. He asked if the porch was fenced (no) and if it could be seen from the main road (no). I stupidly thought he was trying to locate my house, as it is hard to find. According to the laws in my city, once you ask someone to leave your property and they refuse, it is trespassing. I told them multiple times to leave my property, and one of them had the nerve to tell me "I can sit where ever I want."

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Please tell the police to get their heads out of their asses and do their jobs! Y'know, the one we're paying for with tax money!

He's still damaging your property, so he could be charged with vandalism or a similar offense.

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O.o Wow wait is that really true? Because that fucking sucks.

I highly doubt it. Private property is private property regardless if it is fenced off or not.

Private property IS private property, but you're still reliant on the responding cop to enforce it.

I would get a fence, yknow, for just in case purposes.

Just let the man take a piss, geez. Unless he was a repeat offender I think he just wanted to take a piss and your porch was there.

It doesn't matter what he wanted, if it was my property I wouldn't want anyone pissing anywhere on it. Especially not on my front porch.

\ 28

What's with all these technicalities? The police are becoming as useful as a soiled diaper. I'd just tell them "Sir, I don't want a fucking stranger relieving himself on my house."

OP, can you please tell us where in the US you live? ie state and city, I would like to know so I never move there =0

Urine is corrosive. The guy should at least be charged with defacing/destruction of private property. There will be the smell and discoloration to clean up.

Where do you live? I know here, we either call the cops, or take the matters into our own hands. Castle law.

Where do you live? I'm looking for a place where I can pee on houses in peace.

Colorado, specifically Weld County. From what I found, Castle Law only applies if they are inside your actual house. Believe me, if he was in my house my FML probably would have read, "Today I caught a man urinating in my house, shot him, and now I have to deal with all this legal red tape."

Police men are hiding behind the skirts of little girls. Their eyes have turned the color of frozen meat.

That's when you go out and start peeing with him. Look him in the eyes and ask him how his day was.

That would've been an FML comprised of 100% bad-assery!! Thanks for the update, OP!

So you got lawyered by a drunk guy that just wanted to take a piss? El oh el

I work right beside the school. In this town, elementary, middle, and high schools are all bunched together. A man came into work saying he was on the walking path between the highgrade schools (some of this path is wooded) and he found a little girls clothes all thrown around panties and all. He called the police and told them because the gravel was all dug up on the path, he was worried it looked like a struggle. PA state police say they do not have time or resources to investigate. Don't call the police if you need help people, unless you're close with a cop they tell you to buzz off...or you end up arrested.

What the fuck is it with so many people here thinking it's okay to just piss on people's stuff? Piss on a tree or something! Not someone's house!

He's still damaging your property, so he could be charged with vandalism or a similar offense.

Unfortunately it's reliant on the responding officer to enforce it. And from the looks of it, OP's city can use a new one...

Actually-depending on where they are the officer might be right. I know here unless you expressly tell someone they can't be on your property (fence or not) it isn't trespassing unless they refuse to leave or re-enter. Urination on the side of a house isn't considered damaging property. Bars and businesses have tried that argument in court against drunks and such and have failed before. Its all about the wording of state law and city/county ordinance

Before I left Seattle there was actually a guy who got caught pissing on the side of a bar. The police arrested him for both public indecency AND public urination. So I guess it can be different city to city.

Sexual harassment perhaps?

Well if he pulled his pants down and started doing the helicopter shouting "hey guys I got the fire hose!" then yeah maybe

That doesn't seem right at all! People can just walk into whoevers house whenever they feel like it? What if the homeowners aren't home to "tell them to leave"..!?

I would never say all cops are useless because that would be generalizing. But some cops make horrible decisions hence this poor woman. They just condoned a guy having his junk out and pissing on her house. What if he decides he'd like to do some EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT type stuff before taking off? Smh! Yeah sorry OP, I guess it's time to get a huge barred fence. Hell if you got the money, get some barbed wire too. That'll definitely cut down the piss!

51- the man was not in her house, he would outsude. im sure if he entered, the whole "you need a fence" idea would be covered with the whole walls concept. still seems pretty dumb to me. what if it was a stalker or worse standing on her lawn?

No kidding. I hope the OP got his badge number and reported him to a superior.

Disturbing the peace

I would have grabbed a hose and sprayed him down until he left.

Yeah, try an electric fence OP. He'll never piss again!!

Don't wizz on the electric fence!

A little more detail: This guy had wandered over from a party next door. It was almost 1 a.m., and during the holidays I work really late, so I came home, put my stuff away, and when I turned around there was a guy standing literally at my window, on my porch, pissing on my house. I walked out and started screaming at him (I know, probably not smart) to get the fuck off of my property. He said, "I'm just takin' a leak," finished his business, zipped up his pants, and leaned against the porch staring at me. That's when my brain caught up with what I was doing and I went back inside and called the cops. My porch runs the length of my (very small) house. The porch is open without a railing, and at this time there were also several other men sitting on my porch right under my bedroom window (closest to my neighbors yard). When I called, Weld County dispatch first told me that the police were "too busy" to come out, and I ended up on the phone with a cop. He asked if the porch was fenced (no) and if it could be seen from the main road (no). I stupidly thought he was trying to locate my house, as it is hard to find. According to the laws in my city, once you ask someone to leave your property and they refuse, it is trespassing. I told them multiple times to leave my property, and one of them had the nerve to tell me "I can sit where ever I want."

Please tell the police to get their heads out of their asses and do their jobs! Y'know, the one we're paying for with tax money!

did the cops eventually come?

OP, your police department is guilty of ignoring a potential threat. The situation could have easily turned dangerous. In the very least those men could have been looking through your windows. File a complaint against the department with the sheriff (if you have to, at the courthouse with commissions office) against the officer you spoke to and against your neighbor for disruptive guests at such a late hour.

if they were sitting under your bedroom window you should've dumped a bucket of cold water on them from said window.

Agreed. If you are home, alone, and they are drunk enough to be pulling that sort of crap, it is VERY dangerous. File a complaint ASAP. BTW, if your neighbor is college-aged...contact his parents. Some good ol' parenting to get him to quit being an ass to his neighbors might be needed. He SHOULD have outgrown that by now, but apparently not. Same if he is on a sports team; let the coach(es) know. They'll handle it. Most of them expect far better behavior from their athletes as those athletes are representing the school. The LAST thing they want is a handful of their students arrested with charges pressed for trespassing, invasion of privacy, destruction of property, etc.

Ohhhh, that would piss me off like nothing else (NPI), not to mention frighten me! Sorry you had to deal with that after a long night at work :(

Unfortunately, in the US, police aren't held to have an obligation to individuals, just the population in whole. So even if there was something more severe going on, OP might not have had recourse if the cops didn't respond. Warren v DC, Gonzoles v Castle Rock, etc. It sucks.

Step 1. Fence in your porch ( when possible) Step 2. Get a house plant and put it on your porch, and get a hose. That way, when the cops do decide to do their duty, you can just say " What, I was watering my houseplant." I had a similar situation once, but I used a paintball gun.

I'm gonna feel so stupid if I'm wrong, but weld county is Greeley, right? I live up in foco :D

This sounds like a great news story, call your local network. Things might change after that.

In my town, if someone urinates on your property, my town's police department asks you if you want to press charges.

I'd have turned the hose on them.

Don't be such a judgmental asshole on the cops. They are confined by laws just like anyone else. If they could have done something, they would have. You should be ashamed of yourself for talking about people who put their lives on the line for your safety.

@184 you're a douche for even saying this. my father was a cop and no way in hell would he have brushed this phone call off at all like these cops did. he took every call extremely serious no matter the circumstances. but then again he was a cop when they actually did their jobs instead of sitting around talking on their cell phones all fucking day long...

It's scary how if the situation was worse that would be the cops response. I'm glad you're okay OP.

I tell them "thats ok just sent out some body bags. I got a shotgun if they don't wanna leave I'll help them." It takes them 10 min to show up to my house.

That's when it becomes time to pull out the shotgun and do it up Texas style

Welp. The law is the law. Sorry op

This is when a shot gun comes in hand. Arm yourself because while police may try, they can't always be there. You bet those guys would've went running the second they heard you shell a round in your shotgun.

184- You're a moron. The cops told OP two conflicting things- that it was NOT private property and so the guy wasn't trespassing, and that it WAS private property and so he wasn't exposing himself in public. It can't be both, therefore the cops obviously just didn't want to deal with it and just BSed OP. so how does that fit in with your "if they could have done something they would have"? They could have done something, they could have gotten those drunks off OP's property. They just couldn't be bothered apparently.

Being Colorado I'm amazed you didn't have a 12 gauge reason for them to get off your property.

Is this Weld County in Co.?

I have had simmilar problems in that County. I hope it doesnt happen again.

Damn, maybe if you have a real talk with your neighbour and tell them " next time" you are gonna call the cops, they will tell people to stop going on your property. But maybe they are also cunts and don't do anything about it. FYL :(

#106 why do people say they pay taxes for police officers. They pay taxes too! Guess they're paying their own salary....

Should've told them to "piss off" hahaha

Some cops don't give a crap about people

If that happens again put down the phone and wait 5 minutes. Call the police again, identify yourself and proceed to play gunfire on Youtube as loud as possible. Tell them you're busy and hang up. The whole county'd be there in 5 minutes.

212- Yeah, and you'll be indicted for filing a false report – a felony.

Just take a bucket and pour water to wash away their urine, and make sure it drenches them. Tell them that you're just cleaning your porch to remove their filth.

woah. this needs another follow up for the follow up. what was the outcome? what charged were pressed?

I don't understand why people say "welp". Isn't "well" the right choice? I just don't get it. It irritates and frustrates me to near madness!

Quite literally a paintball gun

Not all cops are bad. Coming from a military and law enforcement family. I can't believe how bad these cops acted. As much as I love cops and stuff. Some cops don't deserve to be and will be able to feel safe around

Hey dumbass asshole. Pull your head out of your ass. I come from a military and police family and I showed this to them. They all thought that the cops are in the wrong. No cop can just ignore a call. As long as it's not a prank, they still have to come and check out. Plus asking them to leave and they don't is trespassing. If you don't know what're talking about then SHIT THE HELL UP. Ok, well I'm glad we got this cleared.

they didn't put their lives on the line for him. they didn't even show up. which they not only could have done, but it's what he's paying taxes for their salaries for.

That sucks, OP. You should pay some old man to sit out there on a rocking chair, holding a rifle. That'll scare of anyone else trying to pee on your house.

It didn't scare my best friend from asking a girl to prom. Besides, if it is an old man, the pisser could wait a few minutes till he falls asleep.

Oh, that's not that scary. I've seen that a lot from where I used to live further down south

I recommend Clint Eastwood

Get off my porch!

I think Sam Elliot would be a better recommendation, then you could also listen to his voice saying wise cowboy stuff

Exactly #5, While on the phone with the police, I would have said, "Well, you're about to have a dead body out in a public puddle of urine." and hung up. Once they arrived, they would probably asked why I said such a thing, and I would have stated, "I thought you were all too busy, so I'd help out with the problem." in Texas it's legal to shoot anyone trespassing (not that I would unless they posed a real threat). And according to OP, if you tell that in which is trespassing to leave and they don't, they are officially trespassing. The police officer shouldn't have loop-holed around investigating. I completely respect the police; it's the one's that don't do their jobs I can't stand. Also 911 operators are complete tools, but I'll save that story for another fml. It's really not worth the hassle of pressing charges, just clean your house, and install a fence; once you find the time and funds. Sorry OP, your good fortune was taking a nap that night.

Building a fence can actually be a lot of work, depending on where you live. My dad is a draftsman and he battles the building dept constantly over fences.

Please, let there not be any silly puns for once...

looks like that guy knows where to pee for free.

But you can pee almost anywhere for free..

The man knows his loopholes

Not in urinetown...

Now is the perfect time to invest in a large dog or a fence, since the police are useless.

yerbduebeenehe 16

I do agree. However, couldn't her dog be taken away for attacking him? Well, it would definitely get it through his mind to not piss on her house.

whats wrong with getting a dog for protection? as long as you care and love the animal, whats the big deal? i love all breeds, but i know i will get big dogs when i live on my own because what will a 100 pound lady who isnt even 5 feet going to do against an attacker? dogs love to protect their loved ones

Two words: Smith and Wesson. (from Texas)

Don't be so sure on the all dogs love to protect their masters thing. If someone broke into my house and was stabbing me to death, I swear my 160lb mastiff would just sit on their feet and try to get them to pet her. My 9lb toothless chihuahua on the other hand, he would be the one to most likely try to protect me. By trying to gum them to death.

I have two dogs, a 50 pound blue healer--he is very aggressive, and a 120 pound great pyrenees who is afraid of everything. The healer would absolutely protect me, but I would never ever put him at risk by letting him out on someone. Even if they didn't hurt him, he could be put down for attacking someone, even though my house is posted all over with "Beware of Dog" signs.

of course it depends on the dog. though i think the putting down a dog differs from where you live. i believe where i live, if someone is in your house against your will, you arent forced to put your dog down if they bit someone in defense. my boyfriend has a boxer that stands by me. she gets really defensive when people she doesnt know gets near me. shes trained though that she wont attack if you tell her not to, but she stays wary and watches them. when shes around people she knows shes so fun loving and hyper :) and amazing with my young cousins. she will refuse to jump on them and will only lick them to death. :) but yeah, i agree that you shouldnt get a dog you cant take care of. theyre just like children.

He'd still be charged with vandalism.

Wow, the law really screwed you. Your house itself is private property- maybe you can run with "defacing private property"? I'm not sure if vandalism applies here- pee is less visible than graffiti. Good luck.

Go take a shit on the man's porche

I'm not sure whether you meant to say "porch" or "Porsche" but I'm assuming you meant porch... You know, dictionaries and spell-check were invented for a reason.

But shitting on his Porsche would be even better than on his porch! Even better than that, on his Escalade.

Well that Escaladed quickly

You guys all just made my day (esp. #38)!