Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML
NRFTW tells us more.
NRFTW 8
A little more detail: This guy had wandered over from a party next door. It was almost 1 a.m., and during the holidays I work really late, so I came home, put my stuff away, and when I turned around there was a guy standing literally at my window, on my porch, pissing on my house. I walked out and started screaming at him (I know, probably not smart) to get the **** off of my property. He said, "I'm just takin' a leak," finished his business, zipped up his pants, and leaned against the porch staring at me. That's when my brain caught up with what I was doing and I went back inside and called the cops. My porch runs the length of my (very small) house. The porch is open without a railing, and at this time there were also several other men sitting on my porch right under my bedroom window (closest to my neighbors yard). When I called, Weld County dispatch first told me that the police were "too busy" to come out, and I ended up on the phone with a cop. He asked if the porch was fenced (no) and if it could be seen from the main road (no). I stupidly thought he was trying to locate my house, as it is hard to find. According to the laws in my city, once you ask someone to leave your property and they refuse, it is trespassing. I told them multiple times to leave my property, and one of them had the nerve to tell me "I can sit where ever I want."
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
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Top comments
skittycat213 19
Please tell the police to get their heads out of their asses and do their jobs! Y'know, the one we're paying for with tax money!
wouterkz 11
He's still damaging your property, so he could be charged with vandalism or a similar offense.
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Comments (245)
CyberGothic 16
It's private property and he is neither invited nor welcome so he is, by definition, trespassing. Once again, lazy ass cops figuring out how to not have to do their frakking job.
CyberGothic 16
Ask them that if you post "Private Property - Trespassers will be shot" whether it's legal for you to put a round in the dirty bastard's backside...and which mess they'd rather clean up. Lazy ass cops really piss me off.
thefmlman2011 37
"Tresspassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again"
ronbach 8
'merica
ssddm1 2
It actually is a trespass to land. He had intent and there was unauthorized entry.
MarkToast 19
they were probably just trying not to ruin the guy's christmas spirit
jamarcus23 1
should have shot his ass lol that's so rude
VoodooPriestess 16
Cops are worthless. I once called them in a complicated custody matter that ended with a girl banging on the door for 30 minutes trying to break it down. The police showed up 5 hours later and asked me the same questions they asked me on the phone and left 10 minutes later. They suck.
amelia_suhayda 22
Step 1. Fence in the porch ( when possible) Step 2. Get a hose and a house plant on your porch, and when the cops show up you can just say " what? I was just watering my plant". I had a similar situation once, only I used a Paint ball gun. Fun times.
Kershaw45 9
Time to invest in a shot gun.
swedeNix 13
Next time shoot him, and tell the cops it was a random person that did it. Since u were in the bathtub u didnt c who it was
kpowell0723 3
Sounds like someone didn't feel like doing their job. =/