Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML
NRFTW tells us more.
NRFTW 8
A little more detail: This guy had wandered over from a party next door. It was almost 1 a.m., and during the holidays I work really late, so I came home, put my stuff away, and when I turned around there was a guy standing literally at my window, on my porch, pissing on my house. I walked out and started screaming at him (I know, probably not smart) to get the **** off of my property. He said, "I'm just takin' a leak," finished his business, zipped up his pants, and leaned against the porch staring at me. That's when my brain caught up with what I was doing and I went back inside and called the cops. My porch runs the length of my (very small) house. The porch is open without a railing, and at this time there were also several other men sitting on my porch right under my bedroom window (closest to my neighbors yard). When I called, Weld County dispatch first told me that the police were "too busy" to come out, and I ended up on the phone with a cop. He asked if the porch was fenced (no) and if it could be seen from the main road (no). I stupidly thought he was trying to locate my house, as it is hard to find. According to the laws in my city, once you ask someone to leave your property and they refuse, it is trespassing. I told them multiple times to leave my property, and one of them had the nerve to tell me "I can sit where ever I want."
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Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
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Top comments
skittycat213 19
Please tell the police to get their heads out of their asses and do their jobs! Y'know, the one we're paying for with tax money!
wouterkz 11
He's still damaging your property, so he could be charged with vandalism or a similar offense.
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Comments (245)
Huddisher 10
This is one of the many reasons why I don't trust any form of the "justice" system.
victorcaulfield 3
Get him with the hose
doglover100 29
Time to get a shotgun.
TsarKeith12 9
That's bogus I guess it might be some weird state law but you should definitely follow up on that. Your property is always private, fenced off or not. You tell someone to leave? They legally have to.
fantasyworld 39
Spray him with a hose.
yzgu 9
How about this? Since you've obviously found a law in your area that's rather stupid - ie, 'if it's not fenced, it's not considered private property' - why not take an adult approach and: A - lodge a complaint with the local police department. Your safety was seriously compromised that night. For no reason. B - reach out your local councilman, mayor, or otherwise elected official and find out how to effect change to that law. It may be easier than you think. And think of the satisfaction you'd have if you brought about change of this magnitude!
Dcm210 19
Pour boiling water on them next time.
britzy_03 19
You should have gone all mean girls and been like "you cant sit with us"
mdavis0529 14
And that's why most of us in Texas have guns! He'd have either been looking down the barrel of my 12ga, or my .45. Either way, NO ONE would be on my porch at that hour without my permission!
born_hustla 26
Lawsuit!! Winning!!