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NRFTW Denver, United States

Today, I caught a man standing on my porch, urinating on my house. I called the cops, who informed me that because my porch isn't fenced off, it's not trespassing, and because it's private property not visible from the street, the man wasn't urinating in public. FML

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A little more detail: This guy had wandered over from a party next door. It was almost 1 a.m., and during the holidays I work really late, so I came home, put my stuff away, and when I turned around there was a guy standing literally at my window, on my porch, pissing on my house. I walked out and started screaming at him (I know, probably not smart) to get the **** off of my property. He said, "I'm just takin' a leak," finished his business, zipped up his pants, and leaned against the porch staring at me. That's when my brain caught up with what I was doing and I went back inside and called the cops. My porch runs the length of my (very small) house. The porch is open without a railing, and at this time there were also several other men sitting on my porch right under my bedroom window (closest to my neighbors yard). When I called, Weld County dispatch first told me that the police were "too busy" to come out, and I ended up on the phone with a cop. He asked if the porch was fenced (no) and if it could be seen from the main road (no). I stupidly thought he was trying to locate my house, as it is hard to find. According to the laws in my city, once you ask someone to leave your property and they refuse, it is trespassing. I told them multiple times to leave my property, and one of them had the nerve to tell me "I can sit where ever I want."

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Halloween

A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.

Top comments

skittycat213 19

Please tell the police to get their heads out of their asses and do their jobs! Y'know, the one we're paying for with tax money!

He's still damaging your property, so he could be charged with vandalism or a similar offense.

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Comments (245)

YourVoiceofReasn 6

That's just a police way of saying, "Punch him in the face!"

Or the most likely scenario: "Urgh, I don't wanna have to sit up and fill in paperwork, when I can just dunk this here doughnut in pure lard".

Sitting_Ducki 8

Threaten him because he was tresspassing

What about indecent exposure

Under the same law, you can be naked on that porch and not get arrested. Why didn't you say anything about trespassing?

You just have to try a little harder to be proud of your country from now on

strawberrywine22 30

The ****?

so then that's when u say," ok if those laws apply then I can kill him and no harm be done to me".

your cops are lame

Get a shot gun.

DavidKnows 11

Just as VP Joe Biden advised.

That's when you just go out there with a bat and make him regret the decision to urinate anywhere on your property.