Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of...

By wheresthelove - 30/12/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

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Intimacy

Oh, hai!

Fear factor

Hello everyone!

By fuckingcool - 6/6/2016 04:56

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

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By ugh, why - 22/11/2015 05:12 - Australia

Today, I walked in on my brother jerking off to a breast cancer awareness advert. FML

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By broke_broken - 11/10/2013 22:53 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, after paying back the money my grandma lent me to fix my car, I stepped outside, only to see my car leaking antifreeze all over the driveway. I had to ask for the money back to fix it again. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2011 15:12 - Canada

Today, my roommate was packing up her kitchen stuff as she prepared to move out. Apparently that includes the majority of things I bought last week to replace all of her stuff she is taking. FML

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By Desertdryspell - 20/12/2018 14:00

Today, I dressed up in new lingerie I had bought to surprise my partner. He said "what do you want? Just go to bed instead". So much for that new confidence. FML.

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By awkwardpineapples - 8/1/2015 03:13 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I found my sister licking all of the silverware and putting it back in the drawer. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2011 21:14 - Canada

Today, I woke up early to prepare for my graduation party. I'd invited the entire graduating class of 2011, and tons of people confirmed that they were going to come. Two hours after the time I'd told everyone to show up, I'm still the only one here. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2012 05:09 - United States

Today, I woke 2 hours before my alarm was supposed to go off, feeling incredibly sick. I then ran downstairs and had diarrhea while I threw up. I spent Valentine's Day having diarrhea every time I coughed or sneezed. FML

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By academicloser - 22/2/2011 17:19 - United States

Today, in an attempt to get some guidance from my college advisor, I emailed her, saying I was contemplating going to another school because I felt so helpless about my GPA, and was sure I wouldn't get my major. I asked for advice on raising it. She gave me instructions on how to drop out. FML

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By StromyG2 - 24/10/2011 14:54 - United States

Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential dangers of Halloween. He has a speech for every holiday, every year. I'm 28 years old. FML

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By LoveTheElder - 11/5/2016 01:38 - United States - San Clemente

Today, the elderly lady I work for got mad at me, all because I wouldn't feed her imaginary friend. FML

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By Malina - 4/1/2015 01:42 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I bit into a piece of homegrown lettuce from my garden. Apparently, I'm not the only one to enjoy my produce, because I took a bite out of a small caterpillar. FML

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By crakbbyaparently - 31/1/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML

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By EmberLove - 17/1/2013 14:06 - United States

Today, my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend got into a fight about when my birthday is. They were both wrong. FML

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By suckstobeme - 24/3/2010 15:00 - United States

Today, I caught my dad spanking my mom with a spatula. The same spatula I use to cook my eggs every morning. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2013 12:06 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I seemingly decided not to remove my foot from the pedal-clip of my bicycle until I had properly introduced myself to the cement. FML

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By Ramis182 - 16/12/2013 08:52 - United States - Auburn

Today, I thought it would be to a good idea to introduce my indoor cat to my dog. The pee stains, multiple scratches, and puncture wounds to my face prove otherwise. FML

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By naughtyshirt - 22/8/2009 09:29 - Australia

Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy i'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML

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By thedeadone - 15/7/2019 00:01

Today, I found the phone number of my biological mother after years of searching for her, and gave her a call. I introduced myself by name and said, "I'm your daughter." There was a pause at the other end, followed by, "The one I aborted or the one I gave away?" FML

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By Anonymous - 10/3/2011 22:28 - United States

Today, I overheard a little girl ask her mom if the round lady in purple was pretending to be a giant eggplant. I was the lady in purple. FML

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By Shiverice - 13/10/2012 11:22 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, I was babysitting four kids. I turned the TV on for them, and set the youngest on my lap. She started giggling and pointing at every single pimple I have, exclaiming "Boo-boo!" This went on for half an hour. FML

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By sheisselluv - 11/5/2014 20:30 - Germany - Gera

Today, was my first day of work in my life. I was excited, and so was my dad, who saw me to the door and ruffled my hair as he wished me luck. I didn't notice until half an hour after arriving at work that he'd stuck his gum in my hair. Nobody bothered to tell me. FML

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By quasimodo - 22/2/2010 21:24 - United States

Today, we were drawing self-portraits in school. I'm horrible at art, so I turned to the person next to me and stated that mine looked really ugly. He replied saying, "No, it looks exactly like you." FML

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By stretchy - 6/5/2013 19:58 - United States - Bethesda

Better safe

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2009 20:58 - United States

Today, I flew home from college to see my parents. Later I found the expensive painting and hand-made necklace I mailed to my mom for mother's day while taking out the trash. FML

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By pissedoff - 28/6/2016 11:53 - United States - Benton

Today, my morning started off by stepping in my dog's piss by the door. Then, stepping in my husband's piss by the toilet. FML

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By Holly - 29/8/2012 04:59 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I had to wait in a hospital room because I cut myself with a knife while trying to open a box of soda. After three stitches, I went home only to notice the box has an easy-open tab. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML

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By ForeverAlone - 15/10/2014 00:13 - United States - Watertown

Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML

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By poorpony - 29/11/2018 14:00

Today, I got on an elevator with a couple that started fighting about which sex outfit the guy should wear for their next roleplay. When they couldn't decide, they proceeded to show me all of the photos, including a My Little Pony outfit. I had to go up the next 22 floors with them. FML

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By caligirl4ever - 19/7/2019 12:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got robbed. He was so depressed about all the stuff we lost, I decided to cheer him up with a lap dance. I told him to sit on a chair. We have no furniture left. He started crying. FML

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By mickey1928 - 12/1/2010 13:10

Today, I took my wife and newborn baby girl home from the hospital. While waiting for the elevator, an elderly couple leaned over, saw our baby, and said, "Look, it's the fat kid that was in the nursery." My baby is six and a half pounds, and my wife hasn't stopped crying. FML

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By anonymous - 28/8/2015 17:18 - United States - Huffman

Today, I decided to give my dog a bath. Instead, my dog gave me a bath. FML

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By whasian - 21/9/2009 16:32 - United States

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent me a birthday present. It was a necklace for me to wear at my wedding. The pendant is a well known lesbian symbol. I'm a woman and I'm marrying her son. FML

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By Chensticles - 14/10/2009 01:25 - France

Today, I went to my hairdresser who promised me a haircut which "all the girls would want you" for. She gave me a combover. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2015 16:29 - United States - Katy

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

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By just physical - 18/3/2013 02:45 - Canada - Sarnia

Today, in an attempt to break up with my boyfriend, I told him, "I don't feel a mental connection between us." His reply? "Why do we need a mental connection?" FML

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By holywowz - 17/5/2017 18:00

Today, I went to a comedy show, expecting to feel better about a difficult relationship. Instead, I saw a performance written by the girl who loves my husband, about my husband, and how she loves him. FML

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By Madokami - 30/1/2017 11:37 - United States - Kingston

Today, a customer became irrationally angry and called me a "stupid bitch", all because she couldn't use the coupon clearly marked "30% off grocery items" on a prescription from our pharmacy. FML

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By LtlCheeseburger - 31/5/2012 18:15 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I was shopping, and tried on a skirt that was a size smaller than usual, thinking that I would fit in. Not only did it not fit, neither I nor the sales assistant could get it off me, because the zip got stuck. She had to cut me out of it. FML

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Top comments

By sparkey0127 | 0

#744965 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 12:17

dude that really sucks I'm sorry to hear it

By NatzSwifey | 0

#744979 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 12:23

that's screwed, sorry to hear that. Confront ur parents, they loved each other once maybe they still have feelings for one another...
Go to councelling so you don't end up screwed in the head

Comments

By sparkey0127 | 0

#744965 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 12:17

dude that really sucks I'm sorry to hear it

YANKSFAN4EVER | 0

#1298366 - Wednesday 25 August 2010 7:01

Both happy and pissed

tigerlily33212 | 0

#2306257 - Thursday 7 April 2011 1:21

how about being happy their both whores?

krad204 | 21

#3914696 - Friday 20 January 2012 17:04

... 4-some? Op you should stay far away, or blackmail them, money takes away most problems...

uhhSavage | 22

#5335469 - Wednesday 23 January 2013 0:08

Sell your love to the one who will spend the most money on you.

By NatzSwifey | 0

#744979 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 12:23

that's screwed, sorry to hear that. Confront ur parents, they loved each other once maybe they still have feelings for one another...
Go to councelling so you don't end up screwed in the head

chaos753159 | 4

#803318 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:02

y wouldnt she want to get screwed in the head??

wertan10 | 0

#949237 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:51

a man can't be a whore.

cooluc | 0

#972986 - Friday 2 April 2010 10:27

only a playa

redpump | 0

#973914 - Sunday 4 April 2010 8:46

yer they can. its called man-whore. watch gigolo

writergirl69 | 0

#1155514 - Thursday 29 July 2010 6:46

just so you know, op, sex=/= love

pplprsn | 0

#1989898 - Thursday 20 January 2011 20:22

men can be whores; their man-whores.

By jf7609 | 0

#744980 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 12:23

that's a toss up

By grimace_fml | 0

#744986 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 12:27

Sounds like a new movie that just came out..."It's Complicated". Seen it?

iheartjustinsane | 0

#749308 - Friday 1 January 2010 22:27

Exactly my first thought! That's a good movie, btw...

daniisme | 0

#949261 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:57

it's complicated...
my parents were married the same length of time
had 3 kids (girl boy girl) same as the movie
got divorced and my dad has a younger wife trying to get preggaz. again, same in movie.

I bs u not.

it was creepy..

By mannysaidwhat | 0

#744996 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 12:33

that's natures way of showing them that they love each other... i guess.

iEnvade | 2

#2403025 - Monday 25 April 2011 16:13

Sex doesn't equal love..sorry.

By xdrumkid101x | 0

#745040 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 13:24

I don't know what to say to this FML except for one thing:FYL

By me5 | 0

#745041 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 13:24

Just concentrate on YOUR life!

By itouchguy360 | 3

#745043 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 13:29

That sucks. If you don't like the new wife/ boyfriend that they are in love with, then this is a win because you can take a video and show it to the new ones. They are back to square one!

By fobchick | 0

#745083 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 14:34

I am agreeing with #4 on this one.

By undrum | 0

#745093 - Wednesday 30 December 2010 14:51

hahaha