Intimacy: Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of...

By wheresthelove - United States

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

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Intimacy

Season finale

Late term

A mother's love…

By "PineappleOfMyEye"

I went to check my grade that was posted for an essay for my comp 1 class. I got a zero. I was devastated only to find out I never actually clicked the submit document button. My grade dropped 20 points.

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By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 02:02

Stay classy, bro

Today, my brother got sick with a stomach bug. He didn’t even quit his game to throw up in the toilet and instead threw up straight on the carpet. It sat there for hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went out to eat to celebrate getting over the stomach flu. I hadn't eaten solid food in over a week, so I was really excited and ordered my favorite dish. It gave me food poisoning. FML

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By 3.14 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML

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By Meh - United States - Bothell

Today, I found out that my roommate has a good voice, because he loudly sings Korean love songs at one in the morning. FML

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By Moron with reflexes

Today, I thought I felt a spider crawling by my eye. Having a huge fear of spiders, like an idiot, I lamped myself in square in the eye. I now have a partial black eye because of what turned out to be a feather. FML

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By imblue42 - United States

Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML

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By Cress

Today, my dad asked what I wanted for my birthday. The only thing I wanted was the complete series of Dragon Ball Z on DVD. He just sighed, shook his head, and asked me to pick something normal. FML

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By DoctorBreadLegs

Today, I noticed that the roommate application site for college bugged when I first signed up, and my screen name and real name were swapped as a result. Since the site only displays the names of potential roommates and not our own, I've been unknowingly messaging potential roommates as Parakeet19 for about 2 months. FML

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By FUCKING POWER - United States - Wixom

Today, there was a power outage at my apartment. I ended up deciding that the power wasn't going to come on any time soon, and that I should go to a hotel for the night. Just after I unpacked at the hotel, my neighbor called to say the power had come back. FML

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By Virginiedetibo - France

Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML

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By Fred - Canada

Today, I went to hand in a resume. The secretary happened to be a girl I liked in high school. When leaving, I shook hands with the employer, waved goodbye to the girl, turned around and walked straight into a glass wall. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the dressing room of my favorite store. While looking in the mirror at a shirt I really like, the fire alarm went off. In a panic, I ran out of the store like everyone else. The sensor went off on my shirt and I was banned from the store for attempted theft. FML

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By hapless - United Kingdom

Today, I was late for work and took a taxi. The driver told me he tried to commit suicide recently. I listened to him for 20 minutes, sat outside my workplace with the meter off. He charged me £5.80 and my boss gave me a warning for being late. FML

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By nomorepups

Today, I adopted my second dog. When I called to tell my mom about it, she sternly told me that I was not allowed to get any more dogs. I'm 28 and own my own house. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2020 05:00

Yeet it

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend is on the pill, and even though my girlfriend took emergency contraception, she became pregnant days after the first time we had sex without a condom. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML

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By birchbeer - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned I'm claustrophobic by having a raging oh-god-I'm-gonna-fucking-die panic attack while I was stuck inside an MRI scanner. FML

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By s13495 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, I had my first interview in over a year. I panicked and passed out. FML

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By HotACE

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML

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By WamBamSam - United Kingdom - Kidderminster

Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML

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No thanks

Today, I ask the guy that I like if he want to go to lunch tomorrow at a local restaurant. He answer that he doesn't like their food. I think that's is a no. FML

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By SteamLass765

Today, a woman drove her car onto my closed worksite. Since it is hazardous for the general public, I told her to leave. Later, the police arrived and gave me hell. Apparently, I was reported for being "snippy". FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, a business man in his forties tackled me to the ground in an attempt to take my seat on a crowded train. When that didn't work, he called me a fat bitch and gave me the finger. The seat was given up for me because I'm seven months pregnant. FML

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By Katelyn_Louise - 1/5/2021 10:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Possession

Today, someone left their drug bag on the table in the lounge at my place, probably a friend, and probably a mistake. The next minute the cops knock on the door and force their way in. Immediately the cop spots the drug bag and cuffs me. It wasn't even my bag. FML

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By secret - United States - Ashford

Today, I got a text from my mom shaming me for forgetting my sister's birthday. It isn't her birthday today, it's mine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was grounded for not agreeing with an article on dating my mom found in a very strict magazine. The article told parents to monitor phone calls, make rumors about their children cheating on people and not allow their children anywhere but home. FML

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By ohokay - United States - Bronx

Today, I found my boyfriend's Facebook page. I also found his wife's. FML

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By paywithpoop - United States

Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML

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By Gassy - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

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By Username - Canada

Today, I hit a new low when I caught myself eating the chocolates that were meant to be part of my boyfriend's Christmas presents. FML

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By Taylor - United States

Today, while having sex, my boyfriend decided to sing the Star Wars theme song as he entered his penis into me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Fernie

Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Kennett

Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I flashed my boobs at my boyfriend's boss. My boyfriend was wearing tan pants and a black sweater. His boss was wearing black pants and a tan sweater. From 100 feet away they looked the same until my boyfriend came behind me wanting to know what I was doing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wilmington

Today, we got a new Roomba. I set it to clean and came back an hour later to find shit smears all over the floor. Apparently, one of my cats had done his business in the kitchen, and the Roomba had dragged it around the entire first floor of my house. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I applied to live in a barn. FML

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By sabz21 - United States - Naugatuck

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

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By Jen - 24/1/2021 13:58 - United States

Jealous?

Today, my unborn child's father told me he stood outside of my friend's house for an hour in the snow in the middle of the night because he thought I was with another guy. I was at her house helping with her four kids. FML

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Top comments

By sparkey0127 | 0

#744965 - Wednesday 30 December 2009 12:17

dude that really sucks I'm sorry to hear it

By NatzSwifey | 0

#744979 - Wednesday 30 December 2009 12:23

that's screwed, sorry to hear that. Confront ur parents, they loved each other once maybe they still have feelings for one another...
Go to councelling so you don't end up screwed in the head

COMMENTS

By sparkey0127 | 0

#744965 - Wednesday 30 December 2009 12:17

dude that really sucks I'm sorry to hear it

YANKSFAN4EVER | 0

#1298366 - Wednesday 25 August 2010 7:01

Both happy and pissed

tigerlily33212 | 0

#2306257 - Thursday 7 April 2011 1:21

how about being happy their both whores?

krad204 | 21

#3914696 - Friday 20 January 2012 17:04

... 4-some? Op you should stay far away, or blackmail them, money takes away most problems...

uhhSavage | 22

#5335469 - Wednesday 23 January 2013 0:08

Sell your love to the one who will spend the most money on you.

By NatzSwifey | 0

#744979 - Wednesday 30 December 2009 12:23

that's screwed, sorry to hear that. Confront ur parents, they loved each other once maybe they still have feelings for one another...
Go to councelling so you don't end up screwed in the head

chaos753159 | 4

#803318 - Thursday 28 January 2010 1:02

y wouldnt she want to get screwed in the head??

wertan10 | 0

#949237 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:51

a man can't be a whore.

cooluc | 0

#972986 - Friday 2 April 2010 10:27

only a playa

redpump | 0

#973914 - Sunday 4 April 2010 8:46

yer they can. its called man-whore. watch gigolo

writergirl69 | 0

#1155514 - Thursday 29 July 2010 6:46

just so you know, op, sex=/= love

pplprsn | 0

#1989898 - Thursday 20 January 2011 20:22

men can be whores; their man-whores.

By jf7609 | 0

#744980 - Wednesday 30 December 2009 12:23

that's a toss up

By grimace_fml | 0

#744986 - Wednesday 30 December 2009 12:27

Sounds like a new movie that just came out..."It's Complicated". Seen it?

iheartjustinsane | 0

#749308 - Friday 1 January 2010 22:27

Exactly my first thought! That's a good movie, btw...

daniisme | 0

#949261 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:57

it's complicated...
my parents were married the same length of time
had 3 kids (girl boy girl) same as the movie
got divorced and my dad has a younger wife trying to get preggaz. again, same in movie.

I bs u not.

it was creepy..

By mannysaidwhat | 0

#744996 - Wednesday 30 December 2009 12:33

that's natures way of showing them that they love each other... i guess.

iEnvade | 2

#2403025 - Monday 25 April 2011 16:13

Sex doesn't equal love..sorry.

By xdrumkid101x | 0

#745040 - Wednesday 30 December 2009 13:24

I don't know what to say to this FML except for one thing:FYL

By me5 | 0

#745041 - Wednesday 30 December 2009 13:24

Just concentrate on YOUR life!

By itouchguy360 | 3

#745043 - Wednesday 30 December 2009 13:29

That sucks. If you don't like the new wife/ boyfriend that they are in love with, then this is a win because you can take a video and show it to the new ones. They are back to square one!

By fobchick | 0

#745083 - Wednesday 30 December 2009 14:34

I am agreeing with #4 on this one.

By undrum | 0

#745093 - Wednesday 30 December 2009 14:51

hahaha