Intimacy: Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of...

By wheresthelove - 30/12/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was supposedly dating "a real catch". Should I be happy that my parents love each other or pissed off that they're both whores? I can't decide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 859

You deserved it 3 043

Intimacy

Own it

Time to run

Stalker vibes

Management 101

By Anonymous - 14/11/2020 14:08 - United States

Today, I once again got less than 20 hours of work for the entire week. My boss's solution? Double the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 58

I am a lineman for the countyyyyyy…

By Anon - 13/03/2014 00:11 - United States - Greensburg

Today, I started my first job as a power line technician. My boss's first words to me were, "I have a good feeling about you, kid!" That would've been great if he hadn't said, "Although, the last time I had a good feeling, the guy died." right afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 576

You deserved it 3 683

I can't see for miles and miles and miles

By Anonymous - 03/11/2021 05:00

Today, having my hands full with dog leashes, I hooked a lamp to my jacket to find my way in the dark. The first time I bent over, it fell, burst open and spilled its batteries, so I had to go back and get another flashlight, whose batteries promptly started to fade once I was trying to reassemble the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 132

Gimme dah maaahney

By Shawn Kotris - 21/05/2021 16:01 - United States - North Olmsted

Today, I've been waiting for over a year now to get my 2019 tax refund. I did mess up and underreported 2 grand initially. I resent everything as soon as I realized what I'd done, and I'm expecting a nice chunk of change and can't file my 2020 taxes until this is sorted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 189

By sadinmass - 13/11/2010 13:24 - United States

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 426

You deserved it 5 742

Ironic

By Anonymous - 27/03/2021 02:01

Today, I overheard my caucasian mother on the phone lamenting to a friend that her future grandchildren won’t “look American”. Any future grandchildren of hers would be half Lakota native. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 92

By healthfreak - 07/09/2014 01:57 - United States - Marietta

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 537

You deserved it 4 202

By dca101 - 20/03/2013 02:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me because our "political views don't match" when I told her we needed to share house chores now that we live together. I know, I'm lost too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 450

You deserved it 2 919

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 06:01 - United States - Spring

Today, my fiancé's mom was driving me to the store to pick up my wedding dress. A few minutes into the drive, she said the car's tank was nearly out of "Jews" and that she'd have to give it "a whole lotta gas", then chuckled to herself. She's well aware that I'm Jewish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 658

You deserved it 2 302

Sounds more like a "you" problem

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 08:01

Today, I was hanging out with friends of the opposite sex, which is the norm for me as I don’t get along with most women. Every time I spoke, I got ignored or spoken over, and they kept asking me what was wrong. Ugh, men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 991

By HarvestMoon_gal - 24/07/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 048

You deserved it 10 624

By Anonymous - 20/10/2013 06:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 460

You deserved it 7 071

By anon - 26/12/2013 12:08 - Australia

Today, I watched "Time of the Doctor" and I'm pretty sure my love of Doctor Who slithered out through my ear and shamefully lodged itself in the darkest corner of the room, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 507

You deserved it 8 810

Full of it

By romoangel - 21/04/2020 05:00

Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 419

You deserved it 471

By "Noelle Diane Irwin" - 21/02/2019 16:00

Today, I just found out that my sister slept with the guy that I have had a crush on for years and that she may or may not be pregnant with his child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 271

You deserved it 264

Can't wait to find out

By jamerz - 26/05/2019 04:00

Today, someone informed me that my new boyfriend's tattoo is really an old Nazi symbol and not just a poorly-drawn skull. Now I'm trying to figure out how to ask him whether he's a neo-Nazi or not. Why am I so nervous? I'm Jewish, he just hasn't heard my last name yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 687

You deserved it 450

By AmPatt - 26/12/2016 16:06 - United States - Grand Junction

Today, despite driving extremely slowly and cautiously, we slid off the road due to ice and snow. The car hit a rock and the airbags deployed. We were in my 3-month-old car because the engine in my husband's truck blew last week. Merry Christmas to us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 686

You deserved it 804

The Passion of the Christ

By Canada20 - 29/09/2017 06:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, while helping at my grandma's church, the new Orthodox Priest encouraged me to come to confession because he was sure I would have "a lot of stories to tell" and finished by seductively winking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 565

You deserved it 318

By smidge - 02/06/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I got a call from an ad agency offering me a job. I was so excited, because I've been looking for work for a few months now and really wanted to work for them. An hour later, they called apologizing, because they'd made a mistake and offered the job to the wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 491

You deserved it 2 620

Mask confusion

By clairebear99 - 08/06/2021 08:01

Today, my coworker screamed at me for once again calling her by a different coworker's name. They have the same hair, skin color, and body type, so I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to tell them apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 1 396

By Smokey9 - 25/07/2011 15:12 - United States

Today, yep, pubic hair is still flammable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 580

You deserved it 62 410

By Ouch - 21/01/2012 00:29 - United States

Today, the vibrator I ordered online was delivered. I'd paid extra to make sure it would be here before the weekend, so I could sneak it into my room while everyone was gone. My dad decided to stay home all day and answer the door ahead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 651

You deserved it 9 292

By mhm - 06/05/2012 02:21 - Canada - Woodbridge

Today, on the bus, I caught the eye of this ugly, sweaty girl giving me a death stare through the driver's mirror. I gave her a death stare back. Only then I realized I was staring at myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 500

You deserved it 37 347

By tomedicalforlove - 21/02/2013 05:51

Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 095

You deserved it 41 779

Thanks Rufo…

By Anonymous - 09/11/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I found out that my mom is planning on going to my high school's board meeting to complain about her latest boogeyman, Critical Race Theory, being taught. I graduated 17 years ago. She doesn't really know what it is, either. I really wish she could get over her bonkers Facebook groups addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 234

By Anonymous - 17/01/2015 19:00 - United States - Bowler

Today, my girlfriend asked me not to love her so much, so she doesn't have to try so hard to match my love for her. What the fuck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 274

You deserved it 9 270

By TheComedyAudio - 06/04/2018 01:30

Today, I surprised my girlfriend of 3 years with Stone Sour and Korn tickets, since I knew how badly she wanted to go. She responded by asking if we could go as just friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 683

You deserved it 319

By boredatwork - 29/01/2010 15:33 - Canada

Today, I was caught going on Facebook at work. I was called into my boss' office to be reprimanded, and while he was lecturing me on the importance of staying focussed and the misuse of company property, his computer beeped. It was his Facebook chat notifying him of a new message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 180

You deserved it 5 262

By Anonymous - 28/05/2017 12:00

Today, the first thing my fiancé did when he walked in the door was to loudly announce all the hot kinky stuff he was about to do to me on the kitchen table. Unfortunately for him my dad, mother and both my brothers had just dropped in for a visit and heard every word he said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 837

You deserved it 760

Shave it off, own it!

By Anonymous - 15/05/2021 22:01 - United States

Today, like any other day for a year, I'm 17 years-old. Today, like any other day, I have my hair styled in a combover because I'm bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 66

By Anonymous - 24/06/2009 05:41 - Canada

Today, I was working Customer Service at Wal Mart. An elderly lady came to my register to return a pair of white pants. I asked her what was wrong with them and she replied "even when I had underwear on you could still see my pubic hair." The pants had hair on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 374

You deserved it 3 258

By bacon lovers worst nightmare - 26/09/2012 06:57 - United States - San Diego

Today, I heard of an inevitable world-wide bacon shortage on the news. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 063

You deserved it 5 849

By beckbm23 - 21/11/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, at work at a grocery store an old couple came through my checkout lane. As I was putting their bagged groceries in the cart, the old man started feeling me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 098

You deserved it 2 579

By timor - 18/12/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, another man proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 709

You deserved it 4 840

By Anonymous - 25/09/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is for kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I put the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 642

You deserved it 18 695

By flea-bitten - 06/04/2013 19:41 - United States

Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 274

You deserved it 4 421

By FMLer - 27/05/2011 20:57 - United States

Today, I found out that since I stopped shaving my legs, my boyfriend and his friends have started referring to me as a Wookiee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 358

You deserved it 62 784

By itisobviouseinstein - 30/09/2015 03:31 - United States - New York

Today, a bible toting evangelist on the street ambushed me and asked me what my religion was. I wear a hijab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 759

You deserved it 3 675

By suckstobeme - 24/03/2010 15:00 - United States

Today, I caught my dad spanking my mom with a spatula. The same spatula I use to cook my eggs every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 197

You deserved it 4 650

By buttpain - 11/01/2017 13:25

Today, being a snow day, I decided to take a nice nap before resuming cleaning my room. Changed back into pajamas, climbed into bed, and found that one of the cats peed on my sheets. I've made negative progress, and had my underwear soaked in someone else's cold urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 970

You deserved it 1 026

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Top comments

sparkey0127 0

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 12:17

dude that really sucks I'm sorry to hear it

NatzSwifey 0

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 12:23

that's screwed, sorry to hear that. Confront ur parents, they loved each other once maybe they still have feelings for one another... Go to councelling so you don't end up screwed in the head

sparkey0127 0

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 12:17

dude that really sucks I'm sorry to hear it

YANKSFAN4EVER 0

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Wednesday 25 August 2010 7:01

Both happy and pissed

tigerlily33212 0

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Thursday 7 April 2011 1:21

how about being happy their both whores?

krad204 21

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Friday 20 January 2012 17:04

... 4-some? Op you should stay far away, or blackmail them, money takes away most problems...

uhhSavage 22

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Wednesday 23 January 2013 0:08

Sell your love to the one who will spend the most money on you.

NatzSwifey 0

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 12:23

that's screwed, sorry to hear that. Confront ur parents, they loved each other once maybe they still have feelings for one another... Go to councelling so you don't end up screwed in the head

chaos753159 4

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Thursday 28 January 2010 1:02

y wouldnt she want to get screwed in the head??

wertan10 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 9:51

a man can't be a whore.

cooluc 0

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Friday 2 April 2010 10:27

only a playa

redpump 0

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Sunday 4 April 2010 8:46

yer they can. its called man-whore. watch gigolo

writergirl69 0

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Thursday 29 July 2010 6:46

just so you know, op, sex=/= love

pplprsn 0

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Thursday 20 January 2011 20:22

men can be whores; their man-whores.

jf7609 0

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 12:23

that's a toss up

grimace_fml 0

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 12:27

Sounds like a new movie that just came out..."It's Complicated". Seen it?

iheartjustinsane 0

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Friday 1 January 2010 22:27

Exactly my first thought! That's a good movie, btw...

daniisme 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 9:57

it's complicated... my parents were married the same length of time had 3 kids (girl boy girl) same as the movie got divorced and my dad has a younger wife trying to get preggaz. again, same in movie. I bs u not. it was creepy..

mannysaidwhat 0

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 12:33

that's natures way of showing them that they love each other... i guess.

iEnvade 2

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Monday 25 April 2011 16:13

Sex doesn't equal love..sorry.

xdrumkid101x 0

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 13:24

I don't know what to say to this FML except for one thing:FYL

me5 0

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 13:24

Just concentrate on YOUR life!

itouchguy360 3

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Wednesday 30 December 2009 13:29

That sucks. If you don't like the new wife/ boyfriend that they are in love with, then this is a win because you can take a video and show it to the new ones. They are back to square one!